You are browsing the archive for November 2011.
This is what happened when former Hot Slut Serene Branson and Dlisted favorite Dollhouse Dude crossed paths at Occupy L.A. Magic is what happened. Magic! Sadly, it seems like the economy has claimed the house on his head and now he’s known as Foreclosed Dollhouse Dude, but he’s still got it.
If Quween on the Scene made an appearance as Serene’s personal bodyguard, this clip would Occupy My Heart.
(Thanks Ray)
Jessica Simpson is at least into her 5th month of being knocked up (I think) and at this point you’d think that she’d only be able to get around on a manatee gurney carried by highly trained coastal conservationists. But nope! Chestica only needed help from her gold digging fiancé while walking the carpet at last night’s Shoe Fetish Awards (aka The Footwear News Achievement Awards) in NYC. I can’t believe I am about to type the following sentence in the year 2011 without Papa Joe holding his loaded dick to my head: Chestica looks good. Maybe I only think that because her pregnancy farts are so damn potent that they’ve turned into scented pixels and have seeped through my monitor causing me to hallucinate. Let’s go with that.
My only complaint is that Jessica’s shoes don’t match her dress. Oh, well. Chestica can’t even see her shoes due to the triple mounds o’plenty blocking her view, so I’ll let that shit slide this time. Seriously, though, I think Jessica’s carrying Beyonce’s baby in her tits.
Ali Lohan, the future face of fashion and the frontrunner for the role of Jen if there’s ever a Dark Crystal remake, is on the cover of Page Six Magazine for reasons that lie on the cum-covered Kleenex that got tossed into Rupert Murdoch’s trash can after White Oprah paid him a visit. Page Six asked Ali about her facial transformation into a Ren Faire Goddess Bunny and she answered it the only way a Lohan can:
On the rumor that she Kardashian-ized her face: “I was cracking up. Because, like, when would I do that? I’m 17 years old. That’s not legal! I would need my mother’s signature, and do you think my mom would ever sign off on that? No!”
On drugs: “I just say no. I’m lucky enough that I had my sister to learn from. I’ve seen people do it to her, so I’ve learned to be like, ‘That’s stupid, no.’ I admire how strong she is. That’s why Lindsay and me are so close, because we’re able to talk about those things together.”
Oh, Ali, bless you and your Paul Pfeiffer in drag-looking ass. White Oprah would sign off on the sale of Ali Lohan to Doug Hutchison for a bottle of
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Alan Ball’s never-ending quest to fill True Blood with more man meat than John Travolta’s Scientolohole continues. The True Blood men’s gym, where Pam cracks a whip at man pieces while they do a million crunches in between takes, is about to get another member. TVLine is saying that Chris Meloni is in talks to return to HBO where he can proudly get dick out nekkid without censors clutching their rosaries.
TVLine’s source says Chris might play an “incredibly powerful vampire” who is a major part of next season. HBO is closing their lips to this rumor.
Every time I blink, True Blood’s moved in a new damn character. Characters are falling out of the sky on that show. Bong smoke has eaten away most of the memory chip shoved into my dead brain, so I have a hard time keeping track of all those new bitches. BUTT! I will approve of this if Alan Ball does the right thing by casting Chris as Count Cockula, a powerful vampire who only wears a cape and can only receive nourishment from sucking on the dick veins of werewolves (see: Joe ManJello). What I’m getting at is that Alan Ball better not give us another hot piece who slobbers over Sookeh’s fairy pussy. I can’t.
Which younger brother of an infamous socialite appears in a hardcore gay sex tape that’s making the rounds in the male modeling world? (Page Six)
Rob Kardashian’s bubble butt bottom can make a top’s dick push out a wet orgasm from across the room, but this isn’t him. That would be too perfect and life hates us. So that leaves Parasite Hilton’s 22-year-old brother Barron? You know, Barron’s the one who’s like Telly from Kids with a trust fund.
I’m convinced that most of the Hiltons are so damn empty inside that they have the fuck skills of a deflating balloon (see: Wonky’s sex tape), so in the words of Valerie Cherish, “I don’t want to see that!” (Okay, yes I do.)
During a family shopping trip this last weekend, this D list actor from a famous family took his young child shopping with him. While the rest of the family went shopping for Christmas presents, he stopped by his dealer, with the child in the backseat. (BuzzFoto)
Daniel Baldwin? After witnessing all the Black Friday buffoonery, do you blame him?
Which celebrity friendship – she’s an A-list film star and her BFF is a TV personality – is being severely tested? The small-screen pal seems to have crossed the line of alliance by hiring her crony’s personal hairstylist and yoga instructor, but
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Let me preface this by saying that I love Tim and Eric’s bizarro-surrealist sketch comedy shtick, and when I write “WTF?” I don’t necessarily mean it in a bad way. It’s just… what else can be said about the new ultra-brief teaser for Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie? What reactions other than “WTF?” did these evil comic geniuses even intend?
Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (or B$M, as it’s referred to in this first sorta-look) is a feature-length release, due in theaters March 2 and sneaking early on VOD starting January 27, in which Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim bring the crazypants stylings of their Adult Swim show to the big screen.
Reported cast members include Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis, Jeff Goldblum, John C. Reilly, Will Forte, not that any of them appear in the teaser trailer. Instead, we get a smattering of faux accolades tied to awards season and, uh, this:
Right. If you’re not familiar with the aesthetic of Tim and Eric, prepare yourself; while loading the teaser I got a “Buffering” interruption and for more than a few seconds thought it was conceivably part of the insanity. (It wasn’t.)
See for yourself and… enjoy?
Steven Spielberg couldn’t be at the AFI Fest premiere of The Adventures of Tintin because he was filming Lincoln in Virginia — and now we know that the Lincoln production process is a completely-effing-serious one. Not only does star Daniel Day-Lewis look remarkable as Lincoln in this new candid photo, but Variety’s Jeff Sneider Tweeted a report that he “hasn’t broken his Lincoln accent since March” and his “real name doesn’t even appear on the call sheet.” That is commitment. And insanity. And the new photo will haunt you like a specter in Ford’s Theatre.
Twitter user @UVAMichael posted the photo of Day-Lewis at a local restaurant wearing full Lincoln face and decidedly un-Lincoln Dungarees. In case you need to be reminded what our 16th president looks like, here’s the real thing:
Sally Field’s still playing Mary Todd Lincoln, Jared Harris was just added as Ulysses S. Grant, and the rest of the cast includes Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tommy Lee Jones, David Strathairn, John Hawkes, James Spader, Lee Pace, Jackie Earle Haley, Michael Stuhlbarg, Hal Holbrook, Walton Goggins, Bruce McGill, Tim Blake Nelson, David Oyelowo, Joseph Cross and David Costabile. Find something there if you like. See you at the 2013 Oscars, Great Emancipator.
• First Look: Daniel Day-Lewis as Steven Spielberg’s Abraham Lincoln [The Film Stage]
It’s nearly December which means that it is time for the Sundance Film Festival to announce their competitive programming selections. This year, the slates are varied containing two (2!) Mark Webber features, one Jonathan Kasdan teen rom-com, another Lena Dunham-penned dysfunctional NYC family drama and a number of titles that span genres and the globe.
Among the actors featured in the line-up: Joel Edgerton, Michael Cera, Amanda Seyfried, Danny Glover, John Krasinski, Olivia Thirlby, Lizzy Caplan, Alison Brie, John Hawkes, William H. Macy and Helen Hunt. Look through the full press release below to predict who might be this year’s Elizabeth Olsen and what might be this year’s Take Shelter.
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Park City, UT — Sundance Institute announced today the films selected for the U.S. and World Cinema Dramatic and Documentary Competitions of the 2012 Sundance Film Festival. The Sundance Film Festival will take place January 19 through 29 in Park City, Salt Lake City, Ogden and Sundance, Utah. The complete list of films is available at www.sundance.org/festival.
Robert Redford, Founder and President of Sundance Institute remarked, “We are, and always have been, a festival about the filmmakers. So what are they doing? What are they saying? They are making statements about the changing world we are living in. Some are straight-forward, some novel and some offbeat but always interesting. One can never predict. We know only at the end, and I love that.”
John Cooper, Director of the Sundance Film Festival, said, “In these challenging economic times, filmmakers have had to be more resourceful and truly independent in their approaches to filmmaking. Looking at this year’s submissions, the result is more fully realized visions and stronger stories; we are proud to see the Festival emerging as…
Drive fanaticism is still in (groan) overdrive. The team of Bruno et Tom have created an alternative trailer for Drive featuring The Driver’s silver scorpion jacket, well-lit stoicism, and a bit of musical mimicry. He’s an animated hero! And an animated human being! Coming soon to the Fox Kids lineup. Check all out the cartoon facestomping after the jump.
Yes, it may not be the most Oscar-friendly fan favorite of this year’s films, but Drive’s iconography is pretty unmistakable at this point. I can’t say that about any other film of this year, and I don’t even like Drive better than Coriolanus, Margin Call, Martha Marcy May Marlene, or Young Adult. Fact is, Drive’s resonance is already outlasting these other markedly better, less pretentious films, and for that it deserves more recognition — or at least more cute, fan-made animated trailers. Where is the Muppets parody of Fozzie facestomping Rowlf? Anyone?
• Animated Alternative Trailer for ‘Drive’ [Bleeding Cool]
Photoshoot homages are a dime a dozen at this point, and it’s hard to separate one starlet’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s tribute from any of the hundreds of others. That’s why Lady Gaga’s new cover shoot for Vanity Fair, in which she toasts My Fair Lady and Funny Girl, is so ideal: Unlike most celebrities, she can take iconic images, juxtapose them with her own persona, and make them mean something new. She’s not just aping Barbra Streisand’s pucker like Jennifer Aniston, she’s relating a muse to herself, and that’s impressive even in a bombastic Annie Leibovitz shoot like this one. It’s what really makes her the new Madonna, not sheer popularity. Photos after the jump.
The My Fair Lady garb seems pretty inspired when Lady Gaga wears it. If Katy Perry tried it out, I’d surely roll my eyes like vintage Madonna. Instead I’m thinking, “Hey! Rex Harrison! Grow accustomed to THIS.” There’s also a NSFW shot that’s pretty stunning here.
All in all: I support this PR package. Bring on the starring roles — even it means adapting The Fame Monster into a horror movie.
