I don’t know if this is some HIGH ART shit that belongs in the Whitney Biennial or just shit.
You better lay your best church outfit on the bed before hitting play, because this mess will make you want to run to Sunday mass to cleanse your eyes and ears in the largest vat of holy water. Tan Mom shat out a video for her song, “It’s Tan Mom,” and it’ll scar all of your senses. After watching the entire thing, my eyeballs broke out into a heat rash, I suffered from temporary heat stroke and all I wanted to do was lie naked in a bath tub full of ice cubes and bleach (which is what I’m sure all of the shameless gays in this mess did after the shoot). I just want to smear aloe vera all over my eyeballs, because it burns. This mess of a video is pretty much what the inside of my head looks like after I’ve been tanning while getting drunk on peach wine coolers all day.
Let me try to say a few nice things about this wreck…. Putting her face in the sun like the Teletubbies baby was a stroke of artistic genius. Kanye wishes he came up with that. And well, at least Tan Mom lip-synchs better than Brit Brit.
via TMZ
Sadly, my dream of Kanye Kardashian naming his next album “Bitch Slapped By A Street Sign” isn’t going to come true. Kanye continued to pay tribute to his own God complex by choosing to name his next album Yeezus. You know, Yeezus as in Ye + Jesus. As in this is the reason why Jesus is shaking his head today. Some of Kanye’s disciples have been calling him “Yeezus” on Twitter, Facebook and blogs for years, but I guess he decided to make the ridiculous nickname official.
Yes, I know the name “Yeezus” is supposed to make me roll my eyes, but I’ve always loved it and I think it’s pretty fitting. To me, Yeezus sounds like something a lady gets when she has a yeast infection. “Doctor, my pussy can’t stop wheezing!” “Oh, that’s just a symptom of your yeast infection. Your pussy’s got the yeezus!“
The cover of Kanye’s album is also pretty fitting. It looks like a pile of dog shit wrapped in a gold condom wrapper on top of a black table covered in jizz splatters. It’s perfect!
And in case you missed the best part of last night’s SNL, here’s Kanye awkwardly throwing side-eyes while everyone around him hugged and gave love to each other at the end of the show.
That’s pretty much me at every party I go to.
(GIFs via Yahoo!’s newest adopted child)
Last night’s season finale of Saturday Night Live was filled with a bunch of Bye, Bitch! moments. Fred Armisen said farewell with a song. My eyeballs said farewell to my sockets when they rolled out of there while watching Kanye perform. Bill Hader said goodbye by almost crying at the end. And Stefon went out with an (almost) marital bang from The Silver Fox.
Because Stefon just couldn’t wait around for Seth Meyers to stop ignoring their love, he left Weekend Update to marry Anderson Cooper in front of dozens of club kids. If they’re ever going to make a remake of The Graduate, Stefon, the Silver Fox and Seth Meyers should star in it.
Yes, it’s true that Seth and Stefon belong together, but who in the hell leaves Anderson Cooper at the altar? Isn’t that against the law? I’d sell my entire family to the Russian mafia to get the Silver Fox to wink at me (with his brown eye, of course) and Stefon runs out on his ass without even thinking about it? But I guess, such is the mystery of Stefan.
And since NBC is still prejudiced against non-US countries, I don’t think you can watch the skit above if your IP isn’t an American citizen. But the only thing you need to know is that Stefon doesn’t kiss Seth and he doesn’t kiss the Silver Fox. I know, they should do the skit over again, but with more tongue this time.
Rev, Adele’s biggest and most talented fan!
Rev’s owner writes in the YouTube description of this video that ever since Rev was a puppy, he’s serenaded him with Bob Dylan’s “Make You Feel My Love” and now it’s Rev’s emotional anthem. When Rev woke up for a nap one day, his owner played Adele’s cover of his favorite song and the raw emotion started pouring out of him. So soulful, so heartbreaking, so real…. You can really feel the sorrow in Rev’s heart as he howls a sad love song to the piece of bacon that got away.
If Adele ever needs a comparable talent to fill in for her at one of her shows, she knows where to find Rev (tip: he’ll be sleeping on the carpet side of the living room).
via VVV
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I’m typing this from a make-shift raft made out of a door, because all of the Twihards have flooded the world with their tears after finding out that ROBSTEN ARE BROKEN (For now)!!!!!! You’d think that all of the Twihards would’ve cried out all the water in their bodies when Kristen Stewart did dry butt sex with Rupert Sanders, but I guess they must’ve replenished their fluids since then, because they are crying like they’ve never cried before! People (aka Voice of the Publicist Weekly) has announced that RPattz is done with smearing his hobo cheese all over Kristen Stewart’s body for now. Just like KStew and RPattz, People’s article about this shit is kind of awkward and wishy washy:
As rumors of relationship trouble continue to swirl, a source tells PEOPLE that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have called it quits after more than three years of dating. Reps for the two could not be reached.
But the source says it would not be surprising if the on-and-off-again pair got back together again.
What I’m taking that to mean is that since the final Twatlight movie is already out on DVD, their contract is expired EXPIRED and they might renegotiate….. but she’s going to smoke a few bowls (or a few hundred bowls) and think about it. They’ll get back together
…
