Open Post: Hosted By Lapo Elkann

It's been almost three years since I've slobbered all over wealthy hobo Lapo Elkann, who is rich for reasons I'm not sure of but I know it has something to do with Fiat (Note: That's the answer you should give when people ask you why JLo is so rich.), and now here's an update from a yacht in Cannes! Yes, Lapo still looks like he just dug himself out of a sand mountain with his eyes wide open the entire time. Yes, Lapo still looks like he conditions his hair with coke. Yes, I'm planning to etch the image of Lapo's bulge into the backside of all of my sunglass lenses. And finally, yes, I'm currently in negotiations with God to stop posting about Tan Mom if gives me the power to shapeshift into yacht water.