Shawn Chapman Holley ran out of different kinds of "bitch please" faces to make behind Lindsay Lohan's back, so she slipped a letter of resignation letter (which looked like this) under her door and never looked back. So LiLo traveled to the enchanted world of mythical wonderments to ask a Liberace centaur to fart a bubble out. When that bubble danced through the air, LiLo popped it and out dropped this gorgeous embodiment of all things magical! This is Stuart V. Goldberg (more like Stuart Very Orangeberg) and TMZ says he's LiLo's newest attorney!

Mr. Goldberg practices law in Chicago, but he jumped on the nearest rainbow and slid all the way to California to meet with LiLo. Apparently, Mr. Goldberg is going to represent LiLo in her appeal against Judge Marsha's sentence. LiLo now has a good chance (sarcasm) with Mr. Goldberg. dazzling the court for her. I mean.....

How can the court not be completely entranced by a man who looks like he should be singing showtunes on a lucite piano for dozens of Oompa Loompas in a lounge below the Willy Wonka factory? How can the court not want to run their fingers through Mr. Goldberg's luscious field of dried unicorn tears?

If Mr. Goldberg's fancy powder blue suit hasn't convinced you of his powers yet, then please do yourself a favor and skip into his website. Mr. Goldberg's website is where the Land of OZ goes for inspiration.

Here's a few more pictures of my newest dream lover along with pictures of LiLo and White Oprah caffeinating their delusions at Starbucks yesterday.