While most of us celebrated Mother’s Day yesterday, Kim Kuntrashian celebrated Dress As Your Pimp Day! - Hollywood Tuna
Jessica Biel gracefully busts out a not-so-subtle “Oh, I’m just going to casually touch my face to show off my huge diamond engagement ring while kissing on Justin Timberlake“ pose for the cameras – Lainey Gossip
Tan Mom and the Hot Dog Hooker should do a very special Mothers of the Year issue of Playboy Chernobyl – The Superficial
Olympic Panty Creamers of the Day – The Berry
Sienna Miller brings her unborn baby to RPattz’s birthday party – Celebitchy
Joanna Johnson from Bold and the Beautiful comes out publicly as a gayelle – Towleroad
Yeah yeah yeah, Christina Hendricks’ magnificent chichis are peeking out, but for why is she dressed like the madam of a vampire brothel circa 1999? – Popoholic
There is TOO much here to comment, so I’ll just say in the wise words of Aunt Bunny: GURRRRRRL PLEASE! - Crunk + Disorderly
Well, it was either “Mary Jane” or “Chocolate Dick Cake” – ICYDK
Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs looks like Ashton Kutcher as Ashton Kutcher in a turtleneck – Popsugar
That time Kelly Ripa’s husband twerked his nalgas as a stripper - OMG Blog
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In case you didn’t already know that sitting your drunk ass on a flimsy metal window awning is a bad idea that will end with you splitting your butt bone in two on the concrete, here’s a girl sitting her drunk ass on a flimsy metal window awning before Darwin pulls the lever and cackles she falls to the ground. The guy who uploaded this video to YouTube says that despite the fact drunk girl pretty much broke her ass (there goes her social life), she is okay! Sadly, it doesn’t look like the beer survived the fall. R.I.P. beer. We never got to taste you, but we still love you and will never forget you.
Brandi Glanville recently told NW Magazine, in so many words, that if murdering the life out of a luckdragon didn’t automatically get you a life sentence in the Ivory Tower, she would’ve killed Falcor Rimes a long time ago. Brandi said that the kids at her son’s soccer game almost witnessed two plastic praying mantises with fake tits go at it after she strolled onto the field and caught LeAnn Rimes having a sweet bonding experience with her son. Brandi knew how Bridget Fonda felt in Single White Female, because there was LeAnn Rimes with her son, her old husband and her current tits. Brandi nearly stabbed a trick in the eye with stiletto:
“I remember walking up . . . and there she was with my baby in her lap. My blood was boiling, and I thought I was going to kill her. I really thought I was going to physically hurt her. That was the first time I saw her that way–she was sitting in my soccer chair, under my tent, she’s got my kid on her lap and she’s with my husband, and that was that little moment of total irrational fury.”
Brandi says that she’s never going to make LeAnn a friendship bracelet, but LeAnn gets along with her boys and that’s all she really cares about. However, a source close to LeAnn (aka the full-time fanfiction
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I know, when my eyes scan that cover the only thing I read is “John Travolta…pause…Loving Beautiful Men”.
John Doe #1’s case against John Travolta is quickly turning into the Battlefield Earth of sexual harassment lawsuits. It’s a mess. First, John Doe #1 said “LOL JK ABOUT THAT DATE” and now he’s off looking for another lawyer, because his first one dropped him for reasons unknown. So while John Doe #1 holds on the line for Larry H. Parker, John Doe #2’s case is still on and will soon be heard by a private judge during a private mediation session. Radar says that John Doe #2’s lawyer and Travolta’s lawyer both agreed that it’s best if they get messy in private. Radar’s source put it like this:
“Marty Singer, and Okorie Okorocha have spoken and both are working on the ground rules for the evidence and procedure about how the mediation will proceed, and that process could take 1-2 months. This is commonly done before formal mediation begins. Both sides will agree to keep all transcripts sealed, as well as all witness statements, depositions, etc. The lawsuit will be heard by a private judge, who will decide how much money if any the accuser will receive. All of the proceedings will be strictly confidential, but make no mistake,
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When TMZ said that someone is trying to sell a 45 minute-long jack off tape starring Tyson Beckford, horny whores from all around laid down the tarp, stocked up on lube, Saran Wrapped their mouse and made sure the credit card they use only for porn sites has enough room on it to buy this shit when it comes out. But Tyson said on Twitter that it’s not that serious and everyone can pull up their chonies, because the tape is not worth your fapping energy.
TMZ says that the tape is of Tyson handjobbing himself during a webcam chat with a lady model. In between squeezing his peen, Tyson bitches about always being mistaken for Tyrese and talks about some of his co-stars. Tyson tweeted (and then deleted) about his solo sexy times tape yesterday:
Tyson went on Twitter yesterday to address the issue with fans … saying he’s “sad but life goes on.”
“Don’t even faze me” … Tyson added … “We all do it, just mine got caught on film.”
He also admitted, “Not much of a sex tape lol.”
Who cares if Tyson’s sex tape is nothing but him yanking at his dick while saying through clenched teeth “I am not Tyrese dammit, I am not Tyrese dammit” over and over again? Who cares if Tyson’s
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Psychologists have always said that the most therapeutic way of dealing with your marriage flatlining is to air out all your chapped emotions on the back alley clothesline that is reality TV. So that’s why on an episode of Jennie Garth: A Little Bit Of Country, Kelly Taylor wept her feelings out during a group therapy session with some of her girlfriends. The clip is over at People and if you watch it you’ll know it was a SERIOUS group therapy session, because they’re sitting on a rug while surrounded by floor pillows. A group of women + floor pillows = the purging of real emotions. Someone should make a Tumblr about that.
Kelly Taylor tells the floor pillow therapist that after the vampire doctor from Twatlight and the douche doctor from Nurse Jackie left her, she blamed herself for not being good enough for him:
“I think with any sort of rejection, you’re angry that you weren’t enough for that person. So I don’t know if I’m angry at myself for not being enough, or if I’m angry at him for not considering me to be enough.
This really threw me for a loop. It’s weird and sad, but I really realized through this whole experience how much I loved him, how deeply I loved him and how deeply I loved
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Starting last night, every network slungshot themselves from California to NYC to officially present all of next season’s shiny new shows. And to make way for their new hos, they had to strangle the life out of some of their old shows and some shows that lasted about as long as it takes for John Travolta’s hungry Scientolohole to start begging for a finger bang after a massage starts. Some cancellations aren’t going to bring on a chorus of pearl clutching (I’m looking at you, Ringer), but some are kind of surprising. I mean, how could they do that to Missing? Is Ashley Judd ever going to find her son or is she going to run around Europe while screaming “I AM A MOM, LOOKING FOR HER SON!” for the rest of damn eternity.
Anyway, put on your mourning veil and pour out some of your morning 40 oz. for all the shows that are now lying in the morgue.
ABC: GBC, The River, Missing, Pan Am, Work It, Man Up, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and Charlie’s Angels
NBC: Are You There, Chelsea?, Awake, Bent, Best Friend’s Forever, Harry’s Law, The Firm, Prime Suspect, Playboy Club, Who Do You Think You Are and Free Agents
CBS: CSI: Miami (click here to enter David Caruso’s one liner In Memoriam), Gifted Man, How To Be A Gentleman, Unforgettable, Rob and NY 22
FOX: Terra Nova, Alcatraz,
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What you see when you black light the bathroom after a Kardashian has been in there. – lovelylaney
Runners-up:
The Incontinent – Hulk
This is why you shouldn’t flush Sea Monkeys once you’re bored with them. – Jintess
Mrs. Ronson: “Samantha, come eat your greens!” The start of it all. – OurMissC
via Poorly Dressed
Sarah from the upcoming The Amazing Race Australia, Season 2 – Starting sometime today, I will start training my chihuahua to sit real still in the basket of a tiny hot air balloon with a satellite dish hat on his head so that I can get the channel in Australia that airs Amazing Race, because I must see Sarah’s delicately drawn crowbar eyebrows in motion. Sarah might be 32, but her eyebrows are at least 111 years old, because they were definitely transplanted from the face of a Victorian era villainess witch whose brows were fed by the fear of street children.
Sarah looks like a mash-up of Angie Everheart and Eva Mendes as drawn by a low-level Disney animator, which means she has natural beauty. Sarah’s feet don’t operate unless they’re wearing a pair of ultra elegant Easy Spirit pumps, which means she’s as graceful as a butterfly wearing crystal ballet shoes. Watching Sarah stumble across the world in her 9-5 secretary pumps with her wild chichis flopping around must be like watching Swan Lake.
I am so hypnotized with Sarah’s gorgeousness that I didn’t even mention her 23-year-old piece and teammate. They’re calling them “Team Cougar” because of their (caution: sarcasm ahead) massively huge 9 year age difference. Sarah is old enough to be his mom’s oldest child. SCANDAL! But you know, I want to think Sarah and her piece are going to win this shit, but they’re
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