Matt Lauer’s current $25-million-a-year contract with NBC will not be renewed, because Today’s viewers went from loving to hate-watch him to hating to hate-watch him. Alex Trebek’s final contract as host of Jeopardy! ends sort of around the same time that Matt Lauer’s contract ends and you know where I’m going with this so let’s just all scream NOOOOOOO! together.
The New York Post says that in 2016, 72-year-old Alex Trebek will retire as host of Jeopardy! and Sony Pictures Television, who owns the show, is already putting together a list of possible replacements. Matt Lauer, who is currently at the bottom of the People I Want To Watch In The Morning list, is at the top of Sony’s list. Alex has had a few heart problems recently, so he wanted to quit that bitch and retire this year. But Sony convinced him to stay for three more years, because they told him they need a lot of time to find his replacement.
Sony is also thinking of talking to America’s sweetheart Anderson Cooper about taking the job. The Silver Fox is apparently into it. The Silver Fox hosted The Mole for a quick minute (and he always has an invitation to be the host of My Hole, sorry) and he likes the idea of
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Full Story »Mike, the Jeopardy! contestant who totally gave the right question to the answer “A blow to the back of the neck is named after this animal” and was robbed! If you were watching this at home, I’m sure you screamed out DONKEY a few seconds before Mike did and figured you had this. I mean, what is a rabbit punch?! You could tell that even Alex Trebek’s sucio ass thought Mike was right and doesn’t even know what a rabbit punch is. But Alex quickly made a mental note that whatever a rabbit punch is, he’s going to request this act from his next San Francisco Craigslist hooker. (Note: a rabbit punch is just like a donkey punch, but you do it while chewing on a carrot and winking.)
via Buzzfeed (For everyone who sent this in!)
You have already won Jeopardy! when the word “threesome” comes (heh, comes) out of your mouth during the game and you double win when Alex Trebek pretty much calls you as a sluttin’ trollop tramp with a sucio brain. That is why Kara is my new hero. But for real, Kara’s answer isn’t really all that wrong. Andy Urine (that’s how I heard it), Brenda and that whore Charlene are in a love triangle and most love triangles are solved with a 69 and a tap from behind. So Kara should get half of the points. Or that prude Alex should at least gift her with a threesome in the green room after the show.
via Warming Glow (Thanks Lola)
Sesame Street wants you to know that Bert and Ernie aren’t doing sex to each other – Towleroad
Pay $90 to watch a shaved and charbroiled German Shepard verbally masturbate for a couple hours – Lainey Gossip
“We’re insulted!” – the pig community – The Superficial
Were the judges’ red X buzzers broken or something? – The Daily What
Either RPattz is terrified of being this close to wet cooch or a piranha is tossing his salad – Popsugar
A close up of Gis Bundchen’s nalgitas, if that’s what you needed today – (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
Brit Brit’s a stepmom! – Just Jared
I really hope Annlynne McCord returns that double-sided dildo to John Travolta when she’s done – Hollywood Tuna
Olivia Wilde giving polka dot side tit – Popoholic
Zoe Saldana’s buff albino unicorn friend is making me pucker – Hollywood Rag
Hipster abs – Cityrag
This is pretty much what most of my job interviews looked like – The Berry
First, the Dirty Dancing remake and now Ghost the Musical? Patrick Swayze’s grave is having the worst week ever – OMG Blog
Janice Dickinson’s face looks like it’s about to grow legs so it can jump off
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Lucinda Moyers, the 56-year-old woman who was arrested in San Francisco after Alex Trebek accused her of stealing his stuff, is telling the media that she’s in the business of selling snatch, not snatching shit. You can call her a clearance bin whore (or the Wonder Bread outlet of pussy peddlers), but don’t call her a thief!
Last month, Alex tore one of his precious tendons when he chased Lucinda down the hallway, because he believed she stole $650 in cash, a bracelet and a purse from his hotel room while he was sleeping next to his wife. But Lucinda’s public defender Mark Jacobs tells SF Weekly that she never went into Alex’s room and was only in the hotel to sell recession pussy to a john on the same floor.
Mark argues that Alex never saw Lucinda in his room and the cops never found his shit on her body when they arrested her. Mark explained Lucinda’s side like this:
“He saw her in the hallway. There’s no one who is going to be able to testify that she was seen in the room. Then he noticed the light from the door opening. He never actually saw anybody. He went down and opened the door, and he looked down the hall, and he said he saw a person in the hallway. That’s still
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Yanks can’t have all the fun this week with the pending opening of Captain America: The First Avenger. Enter the creators of Captain Canuck, the Canadian comic-book hero whose own time has come for a big-screen adaptation. No, seriously.
The team at Mind’s Eye Entertainment today announced its acquisition of the Captain Canuck film rights, which it will develop with the blessing and apparent partnership if the series’ writer/creator Richard Comely. “”I have always been a big fan of Captain Canuck,” said Mind’s Eye president Kevin DeWalt in a statement recently received at Movieline HQ, “and we are honored to be working with Richard on bringing Canada’s greatest Superhero to the big screen.” O rly? Bryan Adams would sooooo beg to differ. Still, as long as he vanquishes Alex Trebek in the end, I’m OK with whomever.
Also: I cannot wait until the South Park guys get a hold of this one. Full release below.
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(Los Angeles, CA) July 19 , 2011 – Minds Eye Entertainment has picked up the rights to the Canadian comic book Superhero CAPTAIN CANUCK from writer/creator Richard Comely, as announced today by Kevin DeWalt, CEO and President of Minds Eye. Working closely with Comely, Minds Eye is currently in development on a film adaptation based on the comic book series.
The first issue of CAPTAIN CANUCK hit newsstands in May 1975. Thirty-six years later, the superhero franchise has garnered fans around the world. To date, more than 2 million copies have been sold and 26 different editions have been printed.…
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Last week Movieline spat a little blood when looking at the chilling new poster for Final Destination 5. Pretty freaky! Too bad the real horror still awaited: This week, double over in a spastic ulcer when looking at Rob Lowe in full make-up as alleged wife murderer Drew Peterson for Lifetime’s upcoming TV movie Untouchable. And look: Here are 10 horrifying images it calls to mind.
1. David Cassidy reemerging from a month-long Betty Ford stint.
2. The lovechild of Darrell Hammond’s Bill Clinton impersonation and Ana Gasteyer’s Martha Stewart impersonation — played by Chris Kattan.
3. Zac Efron in 15 years.
4. The way all gym teachers look in my traumatized middle-school memories.
5. Alex Trebek’s potential as an action star.
6. Michael Jackson’s terrifying, pancake-y transformation in the short film Ghosts.
7. People named Biff.
8. A special cross-dressing episode of Nurse Jackie. (Officer Jack E., if you like.)
9. A sleepy, surprisingly attractive mugshot of Donald Sutherland.
10. Rob Lowe dressed up as a murderer.
· Rob Lowe Transforms as Drew Peterson [People]
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Here’s some tragic news that makes me want to throw on a pink marabou robe and slap cops up and down the street while shouting at the cloud islands above, “Hasn’t Zsa Zsa been through enough?!!!” Zsa Zsa Gabor’s rep confirms to Popeater that she waved away her doctors advice to amputate her OTHER leg. Just how many of Zsa Zsa’s legs do they fucking want?!
Zsa Zsa’s right leg was amputated in January because of an evil blood clot that wouldn’t quit being evil, and she was hospitalized on Wednesday when her left leg’s blood flow refused to cooperate. This is already after Zsa Zsa spent some time on a hospital bed because she caught a high fever and developed fluid in her lungs. Zsa Zsa is currently on medication, but doctors say she won’t survive another year if they don’t amputate her other leg.
Zsa Zsa would be as fabulous as Pedro Martell without legs, but she knows it’s time for her to sniff on champagne bubbles from a crystal flute instead of breathing in anesthesia over and over again. Before Zsa Zsa turns into crystal and drapes herself over the chandelier in heaven, she should spend her days with her diamonds and Alex Trebek.
(Image via Pacific Coast News)
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