And It Begins

Yes, we all knew this was coming. Brace yourselves for POST after POST about the love child of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West from this and every other blog for the foreseeable future. Excuse me for a second, I have a serious case of the barfs for some reason. Hold it down girlfriend, you don't want to waste delicious booze on this trash. Swallow HARD, breathe, and... As Michael K told us all early this morning, Kanye told the world that yes the Antichrist baking in Hell Kim's oven. In the video above you can see Kanye announcing their joy and our pain to the world.

TMZ says that the announcement came as a complete surprise to Kim, who thought they had planned to keep it a secret until she started showing, and she cried tears of joy as she sat in the audience with Satan her mom, her BFF, and several of Kanye's family members. I read that as "Kim cried angry tears that Kanye and his big fat mouth just cost her a huge check from E! for the announcement" and smiled. See? Every cloud has a silver lining, no matter how dark and foreboding.

Kim's official statement about it is on Celebitchy. She said:

It’s true!! Kanye and I are expecting a baby. We feel so blessed and lucky and wish that in addition to both of our families, his mom and my dad could be here to celebrate this special time with us. Looking forward to great new beginnings in 2013 and to starting a family. Happy New Year!!! Xo

Um Kim, before that new beginning you may want to do an ending, like I don't know, maybe getting a divorce from your current husband Kris what's-his-name. Just saying. But that wouldn't be tacky as fuck, so yeah let's not expect too much.

TMZ also reports that Kim is getting PAID 6 figures (dontpuke dontpuke dontpuke) to show up for the New Year's Eve bash at 1 Oak on the Las Vegas strip tonight and she's not going to let a little case of the babies stand in her way of getting that cash. As much as I would love to go all Judge Judy and slam a gavel down on her face for partaking in the sweet nectar with a brat in her belly, she's never been known as a drinker so that's probably not an issue. Can I hammer her anyway, please?? Just once. So anyway, for all of you planning to attend the festivities at 1 Oak tonight, get your seat early since Kim's double wide trailer ass will take about 100 of them once she shows up.

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

This actress claims to be a natural girl. She eats a clean, mostly organic diet, cares about animals, and dabbles in homeopathic remedies to treat most ailments. She claims that her enviable figure and flawless complexion are the natural results of healthy living and lots of exercise. The truth is that her body has been stuffed with more implants and fillers than a Christmas goose. And, away from the cameras, her diet consists mainly of cheeseburgers and ExLax. (Blind Gossip)

So, let's see, a bitch of the fake variety who injects herself full of non-organic shit but still claims she's as pure as a free range chicken's fart? This has to be GOOPY Paltrow herself! Just please tell me her beloved wood burning pizza oven isn't actually a cheeseburger burning pizza oven. There's only so much my preservatives-filled heart can take in one blind item.

A “manly-man” actor who comes off as very macho both on film and off went on a hike with some friends last week in the LA mountains. Although he bragged to friends about his expertise in the wilderness, he had to be guided out by his wife as she gave him GPS instructions via cell phone. He was only a half-mile from his car. (BuzzFoto)

I would laugh, but here in Italy, I get lost crossing the street. And my official guess is...The Rock?

So, this actor is A list. Barely. He had a franchise but really nothing else. A couple of times he has headlined a movie since the franchise, but the results have not been good so I think he lost his tentative hold on A list and is back at B where he belongs. The franchise was a fluke anyway. It made some other people stars who have no business being in movies. I am reserving judgment on this guy. Anyway, he has a celebrity girlfriend which is kept super quiet. Not that it is private, just they go to great lengths for two not very huge stars to keep things private. More on his part, I think then hers. She could use some publicity. The thing is, our actor seems kind of shy about the whole relationship because there have been rumors, especially now, that he has quite the thing for the mother of the celebrity girlfriend. The mother happens to have had her own tentative A/B list hold on her movie career throughout the years. (CDAN)

Zac Efron, Rumer Willis & Demi Moore? There has to be a good reason for why a pretty pretty princess like Zac would venture into the Kingdom of the Tater-Headed Trolls. Zac just wants to know the secret to Demi's "gorilla giving birth while having a seizure" moves.

Four announcements coming up!

You already know that the New Year will bring the arrival of a little Princess for this floppy and humpy celebrity couple who are both in the same business. But there are big announcements coming up for some other celebrities as well.

This mixed marriage – where the husband and wife are in different fields – will announce that they are pregnant. They will hold off on the announcement until they are at the end of their first trimester (February).

This good-looking young couple will announce their engagement. Their relationship was conceived in the office of their publicist/s, so don’t hold your breath for a wedding. They are already scheduled to break up before the end of next year. While they are both attractive people, one of them is considerably more talented than the other.

This long-time couple, both actors, will announce their separation/ impending divorce. They have actually been separated for months already, but want to sell off and split up their considerable assets before the formal announcement is made. (Blind Gossip)

New Baby: Beyonce & Jay-Z. Period. No question mark needed.
Pregnancy Announcement: Fuggie Fug & Josh Duhamel?
Fake Engagement: RPattz & Blinky McLipBite?
Divorce Announcement: Will & Jada?

But, Of Course: Lindsay Lohan Is Back In That Gotti Movie

Earlier today, Marc Fiore, the executive producer of Gotti: Three Generations, waved his hands and made a big announcement that Lindsay Lohan was no longer in the running to play Victoria Gotti, because her management team was acting out the word every court-appointed therapist on Long Island writes on White Oprah's file: DELUSIONAL. Cut to this afternoon, Marc Fiore waved his hands and made a big announcement that Lindsay Lohan is back in the movie, but has signed on to play John Gotti's daughter-in-law Kim instead. This is the role that Kim Kardashian auditioned for.

The stunt queen of producers, Marc Fiore, tells Radar that after he cut ties with LiLo's team, she personally called him to smooth things over. Maro took her back and also signed for another movie of his called Mob Streets.

You know that little extra sharpness that comes out in your voice when you scream "THIS BITCH" at the Extreme Couponer in front of you at the supermarket checkout counter? Bring out that same sharpness when you read this: "THIS MOVIE!"

Tomorrow, Marc Fiore will get on his usual corner to shout about how LiLo is going to don a fat suit to play Gotti and John Travolta is going to bring out his secret "Sandy from Grease" wig to play Victoria. Marc must live in a cottage next to a bridge, because he's definitely trolling us all.

Meanwhile, you haven't read one line I've written (WHAT'S NEW?!!!), because your eyes haven't left the extremely entertaining frontline photo bomber in the picture above. Let's be real, she should play EVERY role in the Gotti movie.