You have to be a special kind of infuckingsane to make the crazier fanboys at Comic-Con look like they’re on the right side of sane, but Welsh actor and former piece of Sienna Miller Rhys Ifans managed to do just that before a screening for The Amazing Spider-Man. Rhys, who plays The Lizard in that shit, acted like a fourteen karat cunt when a member of his entourage (the word “entourage” has hit hard times when even Rhys has one) didn’t have the right credentials and wasn’t allowed into the screening. Rhys brought the bitch, shoved a woman to get in and declared that the United States of America sucks. Rhys was not only under the influence of stupidity, but he was also under the influence of the sweet nectar.
The Wrap says that Rhys was allowed to take part in the panel, but afterward a security guard did my favorite thing ever. The guard busted a CITIZEN’S ARREST on Rhys’ ass. Sometimes when I’m bonging with friends, the good shit smoke floats into my brain, unlocks my bucket list and makes me want to issue a CITIZEN’S ARREST on one of them for smoking an illegal substance. You know, just so I can say I CITIZEN’S ARRESTED bitch. Better yet, can you CITIZEN’S ARREST yourself? That’s a question for another pass ‘n puff party….
Lt. Andra Brown explained the details of Rhys’ act of
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Full Story »Lindsay Lohan is still under house arrest and can’t leave her den of delusion, so she can only do IN calls right now. One of those IN calls was a bare budget penny auction website called Beezid.com and they paid Blohan $25,000 to say a few lines in her living room for a broke commercial that makes the Gallagher’s Girls ad look like it was produced by James Cameron.
TMZ reports that LiLo originally turned down Beezid’s offer of $25k and $10,000 of credit on their site, but they eventually came to an agreement since she knows that OxyContins don’t grow on trees even if you stick one in a planter on your roof top and water it every day (she tried).
One could argue that because this womp womp bitch is throwing roof parties and shooting commercials during her house arrest, she is not being punished at all for breaking the law. But I say that when you go from starring in a movie with Jane Fonda to whoring yourself out in a 2 cent commercial for a bottom of the barrel website that scams people the same way you scammed the California Justice System, that’s a punishment in itself. Ho is a fuck up away from paying off her dealers by auctioning off her autographed chonies on Beezid.
And will LiLo please get the Design on a Dime people to come and save her living room, because that shit is busted.
While looking like a 40-something morning shift stripper holding court in the club’s alley way with a few of her regulars and her dealer, Lindsay Lohan mourned the loss of her freedom by throwing a rooftop house arrest barbecue at her at-home prison in Venice, CA yesterday afternoon. Run your tin cup along the bars and let out a wail for the suffering of Blohan!
While other criminals get to luxuriate in 1-ct thread sheets and government soap, LiLo has to drink vodka cranberries and climb two whole sets of stairs to her rooftop to give the paps one of her signature OMGICANTBELIEVE nip slips. And when LiLo drops the soap, she doesn’t lift her head to find a butch pussy in front of her. How does she endure? Stay strong, LiLo! You only have 2 more weeks of this inhumane suffering!
And the California Justice System must be one masochistic motherfucker since they obviously love it when LiLo slaps them across the face by doing shit like this.
Lindsay Lohan may be under house arrest as of Thursday, but the troubled starlet is still able to make her art house debut via a new 90-second film by renowned painter Richard Phillips. The project, straightforwardly titled “Lindsay Lohan,” was shot last month in Malibu and will play the first week of June in New York City’s Gagosian Gallery. Take a look at the “psychological portrait” ahead and bonus points to whomever can guess which two 1960s films inspired the filmmaker and his muse.
If you guessed Jean-Luc Godard’s Contempt (starring Brigitte Bardot) and Ingmar Bergman’s Persona (starring Liv Ullmann), you win! In an interview with the New York Times, Phillips said, “What fascinates me about Lindsay are not her problems but the way she embodies an eminence on the level of a Bardot or an Ullmann. […] She’s a combination of the fantastic and the real, which is what makes her so magnetic.”
The film will also be played on a Jumbotron alongside the Grand Canal in Venice during the opening festivities of the 54th Venice Biennale in June. Because, why not.
[via THR]
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After performing in Dance of the Spilled Tit in Miami, Lindsay Lohan flew back to Los Angeles to turn herself in to Lynwood Jail. You didn’t think they were going to make LiLo sit in a jail cell like regular people, did you? Nope. As expected, the Sheriff strapped an electronic monitoring bracelet to her ankle and ordered her to sit her ass in her Venice, CA home for the next 35 days or so. The Sheriff said that she must stay inside of her house at all times and will be arrested if she so much as sneezes out of the window. Something tells me that the delivery orders of every liquor store in a 10-mile radius are about to double. The same goes for dealers who make house calls.
LiLo was sentenced to 120 days in jail for pleading “no contest” to snatching that necklace. But due to overcrowding and other bullshit, the Sheriff declared her eligible for house arrest. LiLo’s 120 day sentence will be whittled down to a few weeks if she shows good behavior. The Sheriff also said that the bracelet doesn’t detect booze or drugs.
GOOD BEHAVIOR!? That is a bigger joke than Michael Lohan thinking he looks sexy in mesh shirts. The only way you can fuck up house arrest is if you leave your fucking house! I’m not on house arrest and I
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Full Story »If there is a silver lining to Nicolas Cage drunkenly assaulting his wife this weekend in New Orleans, it is that the gang at Next Media Animation has another ridiculous Hollywood story to parody via crude animation. Please watch then as the Taiwanese news company explains what really happened early Saturday morning when the intoxicated actor morphed into demon vigilante Ghost Rider, dragged his fear-stricken wife into a cab and then breathed fire at a well-meaning police officer.
The answer is yes: We would all pay $12 to see NMA’s feature-length Ghost Rider sequel.
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Nicolas Cage, the spastic duffel bag of crazy who can furrow his brow like no other, was put into handcuffs in New Orleans earlier this morning and it wasn’t because he made Season of the Witch. It also wasn’t because he named his son Kal-El. Nicolas allegedly got pushed his wife (and one of my gold digging heroes) Alice Kim and then freaked out at the cops when they told him to take his drunk ass home. Where is Elisabeth Shue when Nicolas Cage really needs her?
A source tells TMZ that a cab driver called 911 when he watched an extremely wasted Nicolas Cage push Alice during a fight on the streets. The cops arrived and weren’t even interested in arresting Nic. The cops told him to go home, but being the mouthy douchefart that he is, Nic kept screaming at them: “Why don’t you just arrest me?” Dear dumbasses, when you dare a cop to arrest you, they’re going to fucking arrest you.
The cops caged Nicolas and charged him with domestic violence and disturbing the peace. Nicolas is still in the clink and waiting for his bail hearing. Alice swears he didn’t get physical with her and hasn’t filed a complaint.
Nicolas already has to sell his collection of pharaoh skulls to pay the IRS and now he goes and double dares the cops to arrest him (insert a smiling Marc Summers here)? If you thought that Nicolas Cage couldn’t make a worse life decision than Wicker Man, he has just proven you wrong.
And in case you’re keeping score:
Nicolas Cage: 0 Bees: 2
