Pretty much every single performer at the Macy’s Skanksgiving Day Parade moves their mouths to a pre-recordered track, because of sound issues or some shit like that. So it’s sort of like an unofficial competition to see who can successfully LIP SYNCH FOR THEIR LIFE!!! and who lip-synchs as good as a walrus’ asshole. Scotty McCreery, the Howdy Doody fetus with a Stetson Man voice who won American Idol last season, threw himself into the latter category yesterday when his moving lips lagged 3 seconds behind his singing voice. (Yes, THIS is news.) You know, I watched some of Brit Brit’s Femme Fatale Tour on HBO yesterday (blame the 6,000 calorie meal that put me into a body coma and made it impossible for me to even raise my hand to change the channel) and Scotty makes her look like the grand champion of Puttin’ On The Hits. That’s saying a lot. So at least his ass accomplished that.
via HuffPo
Sometime between getting Double Doubles with Ashlee Simpon at In-N-Out on Saturday and getting Chalupas with Ashlee Simpson at Taco Bell on Sunday, Pete Wentz prematurely sent the Chia Cat on his head to the pet cemetery and posted a picture of the massacre on his blog.
Just when I was starting to get into Pete looking like he should be painting landscapes on PBS, he has to rock the Flowbee fantastic. Oh well, I guess have to adjust my emotions and now get used to the fact that Pete’s new haircut makes me want to sit him on my freshly made bed with his thumb in his mouth. On a positive note, Pete graciously donated his locks to an organization that helps the pubically challenged.
And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to hang my laptop over the laundry line so the slobber bombs that dropped on my keyboard from typing “In-N-Out“can dry off.
Over at E! News they have a picture of Ashlee Simpson engaging in some light public displays of affection with a dude who goes by the name of Craig Owens. Craig is in a band called D.R.U.G.S and just so happens to be one of Pete Wenz’s best friends. Yes, Pete just didn’t double over because his neck couldn’t take the weight of his new fro. Just when Pete was getting over getting stabbed in the ass by Ashlee’s chin, he just got stabbed again by Craig’s shank! Now Pete has a real reason to be extra angsty during shows.
A source tells UsWeekly that Pete is the one who helped Craig put together the band D.R.U.G.S and can’t believe this is how he’s being repaid! The source kept laying it on thick, “Pete did a lot for this guy. Craig was in another band and got kicked out. Pete found Craig, built a band around him and signed him. He’s shocked at how this guy is repaying him.”
But a different source says that Pete doesn’t need to take a can of spray paint to Craig’s skateboard and write “SK8WHORE” on it, because Ashlee is just spending time with him. This source says that Craig is comforting Ashlee and helping her through this difficult time. Yeah, we all know how that goes.
One minute you’re
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I knew it. Ever since Ashlee Simpson broke the house that Hot Topic built by filing for divorce from the Emo Chia Pet, Pete Wentz, he’s been crying out a waterfall of sad tears that has sucked every bit of moisture from his hair and left the top of his head looking like a Kardashian’s unshaven armpit. Ashlee’s side put the blame on Pete by saying she wanted to live a simple life with their son Queens Shere Khan, but he continued to travel the world with his band. Now Pete’s side is putting their gayliner on extra thick and heading into battle against Ashlee. They claim that as their marriage started to crumble like her vocal cords whenever she tries to sing, she stayed out until dawn.
A source tells UsWeekly that Ashlee regularly used her chin to muddle mojitos and other boozy beverage for hot skaters in San Clemente. While Pete was away, the chin did play! The source puts it like this, “Ashlee has been out late partying for the past few months. Pete would constantly check in on Ashlee, and he’d have his friends call the house and her cell to make sure she said she was where she said she was going to be. He felt like he couldn’t trust her.”
And there’s more! A different source tells Popeater that Papa Joe has once
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At the US Open yesterday, Asshole Simpson let the free booze go straight to her head and carry her off to the top of a bar in Missouri where she threw up her hands to Skynrd while fat truckers in flannels threw jukebox tokens at her. Bitch, you’re at a tennis match, not at a church funeral with my relatives (my relatives always find a reason to drunk dance). Sit your ass down next to Emo Gilligan over there.
Where was Grandpa Decorum of the US Open to charge at Ashlee and put an end to her foolishness?
Cameron Diaz, who always behaves like a refined lady at all times, was obviously not amused by any of this (or maybe she just let out one of those super slow beer farts):
Here’s more of Ashlee working for those camera clicks in front of Pete Wentz, Cammy, A-Rod, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale.
