In “Lindsay Lohan Needs To Switch From Coke To The Good Shit So She Can Calm The Hell Down” news, Lindsay Lohan is farting all over the producers of Scary Movie 5 for lying and tricking her ass. Yes, LiLo tricks hos on a daily basis (cut to the IRS cursing her name after finding out that the $200,000 she sent them to pay for her overdue tax bill is actually counterfeit money printed at Kinko’s) and everything that leaps off of her tongue is a certified lie, but if anybody tricks or lies to her there will be hell to pay. And yes by “hell to pay,” I mean White Oprah is going to break into their house and swallow their medicine cabinet whole after selling their children to a “modeling agency” in Korea.
TMZ says that LiLo is mad at the producers, because in the script, she lets out a horrified scream at a TV showing a scene from Herbie: Fully Loaded. But in the trailer that came out on Friday, LiLo screams at a TV showing her sashaying into the court room after her probation is revoked. LiLo is all mad, because the producers never cleared that joke with her first and she thinks they’re just getting back at her ass, because she trashed her trailer and broke the toilet by caca-ing out the coke balloons she forgot she shoved up her butt during a quickie trip to Mexico a few months before.
So
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Livestrongers everywhere are wearing those rubber yellow bracelets at half-mast today, because the charity’s founding father has been kicked off of his rubber yellow throne for allegedly doping up. Livestrong told Lance Armstrong to take all of his pretty lil’ shit, all his happy lil’ shit, and get out of their house, because they’re sick of checking under his mattress for doping needles. So then Lance took his suitcase and shuffled over to Nike’s house, but they’re not looking to change their tagline to “Just DOpe It” and so they dumped him too. Bitch has no medals, has lost his sponsorship from Nike and the cancer charity he founded in 1997 wants nothing to do with his ass. Okay, well, that’s not totally true. Livestrong is letting Lance stay on the board, but that’s just a “Yeah, you can come by and have a powdered donut during our meetings, but it’s not like we’re going to listen to anything your DOPING ass has to say” move. Lance passed out this open break-up letter today:
“I have had the great honor of serving as this foundation’s chairman for the last five years and its mission and success are my top priorities. Today therefore, to spare the foundation any negative effects as a result of controversy surrounding
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Short answer: Kristen Stewart’s pussy has always been a Ruprick Sanders-free zone.
Most of us were sitting here thinking that RPattz is back with KStew, because the head bitches at Summit Entertainment told him to get back with her for the last Twatlight publicity tour or they’d make sure the only job he’d ever be able to get is head host at a Twilight-themed family restaurant in Forks, Washington. But the truth according to Radar (which is sort of like saying the truth according to your gossiping auntie) is that KStew told RPattz that the only thing Rupert Sanders stuck in her was his tongue and that her down low vampire trap forever belongs to Edward Cullen. Some source who is totally not Kristen Stewart’s publicist put it like this to Radar:
“Kristen and Rupert both told their respective partners that they didn’t actually have sex. Kristen was absolutely steadfast that she only engaged in several make-out sessions with Rupert but never slept with him. Rob didn’t believe her in the beginning but as time wore on he accepted her explanation. Kristen has given Rob passwords to her voicemail and e-mail account to prove she has nothing to hide and will do anything to get his trust back.”
Now I’m
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Full Story »Is it me or does Jim Carrey look like he’s dying a thousand deaths in the video below as he kills time on the set of Kick-Ass 2 in Toronto looking like the result of a night of passion between the Riddler’s mom and Sgt. Rock. That actually could be a good thing since stand-up comics, which Carrey was before he became an ac-tor, are great at converting humiliation and flop sweat into moments of brutal and dark comic brilliance — a tone that certainly worked for the first Kick-Ass movie.
In the Matthew Vaughn-directed sequel, Carrey plays Colonel Stars, a former mob enforcer who, if the character remains true to the comic series, found religion and formed (with his brother, Lieutenant Stripes) Justice Forever, a superhero group that also included Night Bitch (Lindy Booth) and Insect Man (Robert Emms), who can both be seen with Carrey in the video. Aaron Johnson, who plays the green-suited title character is also on hand. In the John Romita Jr.-drawn, Mark Millar-written comic, Stars ends up in a showdown with Red Mist/The Motherfucker (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) and his henchmen that does not turn out well.
Photos of Carrey in his crime-fighting get-up were posted on SlashFilm.com. The site also linked to the below YouTube video from SuperHeroHype.com that depicts Carrey and his co-stars on the set.
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Sources: SlashFilm.com; SuperHeroHype.com
When Courtney Stodden turned 18 in human years on Wednesday, porn companies threw offers at her, because DUH. Well, nasty pervs who were hoping to fap to an iguana in a blond wig humping on human man peen will have to get their bestiality kicks elsewhere, because Courtney turned all those porn offers down. Courtney said on Twitter that she’s saving her newly legal nipples for Playboy. You’d think that since Hugh Hefner lives in an aquarium inside of the Playboy Mansion and only eats brown wilted lettuce fed to him by one of the whores from his blonde harem that he’d be into having a porn iguana like Courtney Stodden on the cover of his magazine, but he’s not.
A source type tells TMZ that the chances of an actual human saying “Nope, Doug Hutchison is not creepy at all!” are greater than Courtney’s naked body gracing the pages of Playboy. Playboy said that they have never put out an offer to Courtney and they will never ever put out an offer to her, because she looks “too enhanced.“
Playboy thinks a skank looks TOO enhanced? I didn’t think it was possible, but I just rolled my eyes and coughed up a laugh through my butt at the same time. It’s
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Also in Tuesday afternoon’s round-up of news briefs, Dimension Films goes for a psychological thriller. Sundance and SXSW doc winners head for release. Kick-Ass 2 gets a “Night Bitch,” while the next Thor picks a return character.
Angry Little God to Thrill U.S. Audiences
Dimension Films has acquired U.S. distribution rights to Daniel Stamm’s psychological thriller Angry Little God. Stamm and his writing partner David Birke adapted the script from the original film which follows a bright but meek individual drowning in debt and desperate as he’s about to be married. He receives a mysterious phone call informing him that he’s on a hidden camera game show where he must execute 13 tasks to receive a cash prize of over $6 million. He accepts the challenge, but even with thousands of dollars suddenly appearing in his bank account, he realizes he’s in over his head. IM Global will finance and produce the film.
Golden Globes Set Dates
“The Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA) and producer dick clark productions (dcp) will present “The 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards” live on Sunday, January 13, 2013. Next year’s show will air live on NBC coast-to-coast from 5-8 p.m (PT) and 8-11 p.m. (ET) from the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills. Nominations for the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards will be announced at 8 a.m. (ET) on Thursday, December 13. This year’s Cecil B. DeMille Award , honoring the lifetime achievements of actors and filmmakers, will be announced on November 1.”
Sundance & SXSW Doc Winners Head for Distribution
SnagFilms will handle domestic distribution rights for Sundance Grand Jury Prize winner The House I Live In and SXSW Film Festival Grand Jury Prize winner Beware of Mr. Baker. House centers on America’s war on drugs, while…
Also in Friday morning’s round-up of news briefs, filmmaker Michael Cimino is set to receive Venice Film Festival honors. Heather Graham will return to The Hangover, while Yancy Butler heads back to one of her former characters. And an Ohio man faces charges for brining a cache of weapons into a theater during a showing of The Dark Knight Rises.
Michael Cimino to Receive Venice Honors
The American writer/director/producer will be feted with the Venice Film Festival’s Persol 2012 Award, which recognizes a “legend of international filmmaking.” He will be presented with the award at a ceremony August 30th, followed by a screening of Cimino’s 1980 film, Heaven’s Gate.
Around the ‘net…
Willy Wonka Director Mel Stuart Dies at 83
His family said Mr. Stuart died at his Beverly Hills home after battling cancer. He began his career mainly directing documentaries. the 1971 adaptation of Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was Stuart’s second feature film. He was nominated for an Oscar in 1965 for his documentary, Four Days in November, about the assassination of John F Kennedy, BBC reports.
Bourne Legacy Poised to Seize U.S. Box Office
The Jeremy Renner starter is trending toward a $35 million weekend opening, enough to eclipse The Dark Knight Rises and outpace two other wide-release openers, Hope Springs and The Campaign, Reuters and The Wrap report.
Heather Graham Heads Back to The Hangover
Graham will return to her role as the stripper named Jade in The Hangover III from Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures. The pic will shoot this fall and brings back Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis and Ed Helms – plus brings back Ken Jeong. Graham was absent from the franchise’s second installment, THR reports.…
Also in Friday morning’s round-up of news briefs, filmmaker Michael Cimino is set to receive Venice Film Festival honors. Heather Graham will return to The Hangover, while Yancy Butler heads back to one of her former characters. And an Ohio man faces charges for brining a cache of weapons into a theater during a showing of The Dark Knight Rises.
Michael Cimino to Receive Venice Honors
The American writer/director/producer will be feted with the Venice Film Festival’s Persol 2012 Award, which recognizes a “legend of international filmmaking.” He will be presented with the award at a ceremony August 30th, followed by a screening of Cimino’s 1980 film, Heaven’s Gate.
Around the ‘net…
Willy Wonka Director Mel Stuart Dies at 83
His family said Mr. Stuart died at his Beverly Hills home after battling cancer. He began his career mainly directing documentaries. the 1971 adaptation of Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was Stuart’s second feature film. He was nominated for an Oscar in 1965 for his documentary, Four Days in November, about the assassination of John F Kennedy, BBC reports.
Bourne Legacy Poised to Seize U.S. Box Office
The Jeremy Renner starter is trending toward a $35 million weekend opening, enough to eclipse The Dark Knight Rises and outpace two other wide-release openers, Hope Springs and The Campaign, Reuters and The Wrap report.
Heather Graham Heads Back to The Hangover
Graham will return to her role as the stripper named Jade in The Hangover III from Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures. The pic will shoot this fall and brings back Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis and Ed Helms – plus brings back Ken Jeong. Graham was absent from the franchise’s second installment, THR reports.…
Also in Wednesday afternoon’s round-up of news briefs, Kick-Ass 2 eyes an addition to its cast. The Katzenbergs will receive honors from a Gay group, and the Directors Guild of America appoints a new exec.
Daniel G. Bush Named to D.G.A. Post
Directors Guild of America National Executive Director Jay D. Roth announced today that Daniel G. Bush has joined the executive staff of the Directors Guild of America as an Assistant Executive Director. Bush will focus on areas related to representation, contract enforcement and organizing, in a newly-created position designed to enhance the Guild’s efforts in these areas. He will report to Associate National Executive Director/Western Executive Director Bryan Unger.
The Jeffrey Dahmer Files Heads to Theaters
Chris James Thompson’s documentary on serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer has been picked up by IFC Midnight, the genre label of IFC Films. The film explores Milwaukee and those who knew Dahmer during and after his hidden spree. Recollections from Milwaukee Medical Examiner Jeffrey Jentzen, Police Detective Patrick Kennedy, and neighbor Pamela Bass are interwoven with archival footage and everyday scenes from Dahmer’s life, working collectively to disassemble the facade of an ordinary man leading an ordinary existence. The deal for the film was negotiated by Arianna Bocco, Senior Vice President of Acquisitions & Productions for Sundance Selects/IFC Films with Josh Braun of Submarine Entertainment on behalf of the filmmakers.
Around the ‘net…
ALF Heads to Sony Animation
The studio has acquired rights to the 1908s television sitcom. ALF (Alien Life Form) revolves around a friendly alien creature who crash landed on Earth and moved in with a suburban family and finds trouble with government forces on his trail, THR reports.
Donald Faison Eyes Kick-Ass 2
Faison is in negotiations to join the sequel of the super-hero pic…
Kick-Ass star Aaron Johnson, 22, and artist Sam Taylor-Wood, 45, have married in England, reports the Mirror. The couple met while making 2009’s John Lennon biopic Nowhere Boy (he starred, she directed). Johnson next stars in Oliver Stone’s Savages; Taylor-Wood most recently directed Daniel Craig as James Bond in drag for a gender equality PSA. They will both reportedly take the name Taylor-Johnson. [Mirror]
