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PROGRAMMING NOTE: Thanks to a long ass flight from New York to California, this will probably be my last post until tomorrow. Because my system shuts down if I don’t get a Sourdough Jack, a Double Double and Albertson’s brand potato chips in me every few months, I’ll be in California for the next two weeks. For now, I leave your ass with this vintage video of Jamie Foxx giving us the body electric as he breaks it down like his ass crack is hungry for a dollar. I’ll try to recreate these moves at a Jack in the Box drive-thru later tonight. (via OMG BLOG)
Mimi’s messy ass lamb appreciation video looks like a lost scene from Paranormal Activity (Paranormal Lambtivity?) – Lainey Gossip
Nothing says “bad ass bitch with a gun” like duck lips – The Superficial
I don’t know if that’s St. Angie’s natural holy glow or if one of her beauty secrets is using anal lube as moisturizer – Hollywood Tuna
John Lennon is up in heaven, queefing with pride over this – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Is that an 8-pack or is he trying to smuggle 8 bars of coke past the border? (LiLo, take note) – Towleroad
Dennis Quaid’s third time at marriage was not a fucking charm – Celebitchy
In a closet somewhere, a green velvet Jessica McClintock 80s prom dress is missing
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Full Story »Millie Jackson, songwriter, R&B singer, disco singer, country singer, album cover artiste and overall bad ass bitch who doesn’t have a fuck to give you, but will fill your palms with the priceless gems that come out of her mouth.
Thanks to Rich of FourFour for introducing my ass to TVOne’s Unsung (How did I not know of this show? Hold my coffee while I punch my Tivo out.) and for putting together a string of moments from the episode on the life and times of Millie Jackson. Millie is the one you want to sit next to on a 6 hour-long plane ride, bus ride, car ride, boat ride and every kind of ride (yes, there are even some boring dick rides that would be better if Millie was telling you stories about her career from the corner), because she’s funny as shit. Millie thinks some of her hits were stupid and gives us words to live by like: “When I no longer have a memory of things I used to do, I’ll just lie about the things I used to do.” And at the age of 67, Millie can still take her coochie game from 0-60 by lifting her leg. We should all be so lucky to be 1/1000th of the crazy ho Millie is when we’re 67.
Also, Millie Jackson gave us the theme song of our lives:
Here’s some of Millie’s masterpiece album covers and somebody really needs to put this shit in a museum and charge admission.
Taylor Momsen can think that her “broiling dog nuts” ways have earned her the title of the hardest toddler of all-time and forever, but she needs to sit on her potty trainer and think about how she can try harder. Because a little before Taylor’s dad accidentally ignored her mother’s “DON’T CUM IN ME!!!!!!1!!” pleas, James Franco was ruling his junior high school with his skilled bad bitch moves. During an interview with the hunk of PBS James Lipton for Inside the Actors Studio, James talked about he entered a life of crime at a young age. Yup, you’re afraid of him. From Page Six:
“I guess my life of crime started by stealing cologne. We’d keep them [cologne sample bottles] in the locker, in our gym locker at school and we’d sell some from the lockers.”
So what James Franco is really trying to say is that he was a teen Avon Lady. The high school gangster version of Mary Kay. If James sold 12 bottles of hot cologne in a month, did his partners in crime paint his bike pink and add a pair of burgundy tassels to his handlebars? Where the fuck was James during my junior high years? He’d be the type to steal a half-used bottle of Skin So Soft from the powder room of his mom’s best friend’s house and give it to you for Christmas. Don’t act like you’re not swooning in the loins.
AND James also had this to say about the time he dropped out of UCLA and worked at McDonald’s to support himself: “In the drive-through window . . . I would practice accents.“
