Jacen Lankow, the college student who disguised himself as a ref at Thursday’s UCLA-Arizona football game so he could take all them clothes off and give the crowd a nipple and nalgas show while running across the field in what looks like a pair of tight Speedos that a candy striper at the Scientology men’s only clinic would wear. The only thing better than a half-streaking twink getting grass skid marks on his bulge from grown men tackling him to the ground like the opening number from a ballet choreographed by John Travolta is what happened after this mess.
After Jacen was taken away, chaos erupted! Bitches went wild! The players started chest bumping each other and it turned into a fight over who saw that sexy piece first. You see what testosterone and a sweet piece of chicken hawk ass does to a ho?
If one of your wishes in life is to see a freshly waxed chimpanzee with a lisp have a roid-induced stroke while getting anally electrocuted with a taser wand as he tries to jack off with two paws, then it is your lucky day, because this video is the closest you will ever get to fulfilling that wish.
At the end of an episode of Vh1’s reality game show Ton of Cash, The Greek Mystique (who is obviously still pissed that he didn’t get cast in the role of The Situation on Jersey Shore) was eliminated and he handled that shit with grace and dignity by reciting a line from Rocky Balboa before flipping into a full-blown gorilla rage meltdown. Dude’s neck veins tried to bust out on their own and the sound that came out of his mouth is the same sound you’d hear from a pimple being popped if it had vocal cords. Vh1 is a helluva drug.
Source: Boston Barstool Sports via The Daily What
Jay-Z and Beyonce party with his 100th problem, Fishsticks Paltrow, at Glastonbury this past weekend – Lainey Gossip
Did Justin Bieber go to the BET Awards straight from his audition for the Helen Slater role in a remake of Legend of Billie Jean? – The Superficial
Sandra Lee WOULD do the two-armed Hail Hitler at the Gay Pride Parade – Towleroad
Rosie Huntington-Whateverly at the Transformers premiere – Hollywood Tuna
Bitch Almost Goes Down: The Elizabeth Hurley Edition – Hollywood Rag
Samaire Armstrong still exists (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
The Double Complete Rainbow Guy is neither amused or impressed – The Daily What
Serbia hates Chelsea Handler – Celebitchy
A few of Stepford Katie’s internal face circuits must’ve went bust, because ho’s smile seems half broken – Just Jared
Somebody you don’t care about broke up with somebody you don’t care about – The Berry
Why did I think this was Chupa Zoe? – ICYDK
There are so many reasons for why I hate the NYC subway but this isn’t one of them – NYC Barstool Sports
Ben Cohen fingers his own pec alley – OMG Blog
Miley Cyrus needs to stop raiding Noah Cyrus’ closet – Popoholic
I didn’t know they made booster seats for jet skis – Popsugar
Jared Leto just because – I’m Not Obsessed
Going nowhere fast – Cityrag
I’m just here for the Chet Haze crotch grab – Videogum
What is it called when your chichis are a few sag drops away from covering your down low bits? CHUPA (Chichis Upper Pubic Area)? Yeah, Courtney Love’s got that – Cityrag
Kanye West and Naomi Campbell were on the same stage and their ego monsters did not jump out of their bodies to battle to the death – Lainey Gossip
Tom Hardy as Bane looks a lot like roided up pit bull with leather chonies on his face – The Superficial
Something tells me if JWoww’s face got stuck like that, she wouldn’t even mind – Hollywood Tuna
This is some “My Ears Say NO But My Eyes Say YES” shit – Towleroad
If you replaced “Smallville” with a hot bear claw from Dunkin’ Donuts, this would be me – Boston Barstool Sports
And Jane Fonda still wins this picture (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
The long-awaited Kunty Karl vs. St. Angie war has started – Celebitchy
I really have to commend Glamberace on his dedication to always looking like he’s ready for the rapture – Just Jared
FINALLY! Some real talent – The Daily What
Methinks Gwen Stefani needs more black eyeshadow – Popsugar
Jennifer Lawrence’s brown hair sort of makes her look like a rally bad Sofia
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Miley Cyrus and Tish Cyrus are giving you an impromptu gallery show of truly shittastic tattoos – Hollywood Tuna
Alex Pettyfer’s “Thank You” crotch tattoo will finally get its big screen moment - Lainey Gossip
The only people who should undergo a mental health evaluation is the ones who pay $250 to see Brit Brit waves her hands and sort of move her lips – The Superficial
A court ruling has given a Brazilian woman the right to watch porn at work and do herself for 15 minutes every 2 hours. You probably read that sentence after using your 15 minute break to watch porn and do sex to yourself in your cubicle. I’ll get you the name of her lawyer. – Boston Barstool Sports
And something tells me, this Russian reporter prepared for this story by smoking up a little research in the break room – Towleroad
I thought this was Carmen Carrera for a quick second. No offense to Carmen Carrera. – Popoholic
Freddie Mercury would definitely take this mess as a compliment – The Daily What
Gisele Bundchen as you’ve never seen her! And by “never” I mean “always” – Just Jared
Bobbi Kristina’s in rehab too – Celebitchy
Let this video show you that in order to deal with an annoying motherfucker
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Shia LaBeouf kisses his girlfriend while his girlfriend holds her breath so she won’t have to inhale his musky ass stank. True love really does bring out our hidden talents! – Just Jared
Prince Hot Ginge pulls a wiggly worm out of his pocket. Not that kind of wiggly worm, you suck fucks (said to myself)!! Children were present! - Lainey Gossip
Ariel better dip her head in black hair dye and chop it into a bob since all these tricks are thieving her style – Hollywood Tuna
An artichoke to Katy Perry: “The fuck?!” – The Superficial
Meanwhile, the dog is thinking to himself, “I can’t wait for this ho to pass out so I can chew his lips off.” – Towleroad
A dog killed Osama (cut to a trained team of cats storming Gaddafi’s pedicure studio ) – Boston Barstool Sports
Of course The Situation is getting a show – ICYDK
That Winter Bone’s girl in ASOS Magazine – The Berry
Cameron Diaz says marriage is dying like the feeling in her face from so much Botox – Celebitchy
Did somebody use one of those fatface iPhone apps on JLo’s face for this picture? (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
The powers of Photoshop and Cameron Diaz’s signature ho poses come
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Full Story »First look at the opening number for Brit Brit’s upcoming tour – The Daily What
The only way this exit would’ve been badass is if Duchess Kate rode on top of the hood while whipping her hair around to “Pour Some Sugar On Me” – Lainey Gossip
Looking like you’ve been passed out face first in a mountain of maggots for X amount of days is not what I consider “being awesome,” but I’ll let Charlie Sheen continue to have it – The Superficial
The word “fuckin‘” is on notice for knowingly jumping out of Trump’s mouth – Towleroad
Reese Witherspoon is wearing a dress. It’s red. This is what we’re dealing with today that’s not “you know what” related – Hollywood Tuna
Kathie Lee Gifford was robbed! Ann Curry will replace Meredith Vieira on Today – Celebitchy
And now my heart is full of barf – The Berry
A bikini: Nicole Richie’s in one (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
Colin Farrell, just because – Just Jared
Instead of dropping cleavage, RiRi needs to drop that Hot Tamales shit from her head – Popholic
Jon Gosselin’s life has just been made – Boston Barstool Sports
I’m going to guess….Steven Tyler? – Popsugar
Texas plays nice with Chace Crawford. If they really wanted to ruin his everything, they
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If American Idol was a nipple-baring competition instead of a singing one, Jovany Barreto would totally score 2nd place (1st goes to Gaycrest always) – Towleroad
Posh is obviously only going to the royal wedding for the cake. Duh. - Lainey Gossip
Another day, another set of pictures of Kim Kardashian taking her double down ass to the nail salon. Is death by nail glue inhalation a thing (just say “yes“)? – The Superficial
It came from the seaaaaaa in threeeeees – Hollywood Tuna
Double the prune on Newsweek – Celebitchy
If any more talk of the royal wedding will make you gag on your own dry heaves, click to the right! – The Berry
Kristen Stewart modeling one of those hillbilly strapless bikinis (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
Chinchilla’s gotta waddle hard for his (insert the name of whatever’s in that tube) – The Daily What
It’s Adrien Brody and that girl who could be Justin Bieber if Justin Bieber had a vagina (<— I set that joke up for you) - Just Jared
My Tia Lupita would like her cleaning house outfit back, RiRi, thankyouverymuch – Popoholic
EXCLUSIVE FIRST LOOK at Kate Middleton’s wedding dress! – The Hairpin
Bradley Cooper trades his beard in for a
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What kiss?! This shit just looks like Kristen Stewart and RPattz playing a game of patty cake with their noses. That’s all! – Just Jared
RPattz’s dog gets papped with no panties on. TRAMP! – Lainey Gossip
Evan Rachel Wood likes chicks and dicks – The Superficial
Tornadoes are snatching up hamburgers now – Boston Barstool Sports
R.I.P. Queerty – Towleroad
Why is Malin Akerman wearing a toddler’s apron as a vest? – Hollywood Tuna
Coachella really turned everyone into a 1970s Nascar slut. Example: Tallulah Willis (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
I normally don’t approve of remakes, but we’re going need one of Xanadu starring this dude – TDW
PUPPIES!!! and such – The Berry
Halle Berry looks hot while Olivier Martinez looks stoned – Popoholic
Those strings on Serena Williams’ bikini bottoms are holding on for dear life! – ICYDK
The epitome of a world class beauty as always – Hollywood Rag
It’s always COOKIE TIME! – OMG Blog
Methinks the technician also lasered Kim Kardashian’s brain away – Celebitchy
A baby came out of there 90 days ago – Popsugar
Woodstock is rolling in its grave – Cityrag
Johnny Knockedupville, that is (sorry, it’s Monday) – I’m Not Obsessed
Please tell me Stacey Q is opening for Tiffany and Debbie Gibson - SOW
(Image via INFDaily)
Brangelina look like they’ve just finished a strenuous 12-hour heroin binge in a poorly insulated backyard shed with no air conditioning. Somebody hug their faces with blotting paper! – Lainey Gossip
Flamer in a porn store alert. This is why you shouldn’t use lighter fuel as lube. – Boston Barstool Sports
Jennifer Lawrence giving her best “dead hooker on the side of the road” face in GQ – The Superficial
Whatever it is Fergie injects into her face is starting to migrate – Hollywood Tuna
The Hulk will be furry if Mark Ruffalo can help it – Towleroad
“I wish I was as skinny as you.” – a chopstick to Kate Bosworth’s leg (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Joaquin Phoenix will rise from his burnt beard ashes with a little help from Xenu – Celebitchy
The only way Rebecca Black’s Friday could be more soul killing worse is if Lea Michele sang it. Nightmare granted. - Just Jared
….as PedoBear serenades this Tweet with an acoustic rendition of “It Must Be Love” – TDW
The lady behind Hayden Pantawhatever is wondering how she fucks on her Redwood tree of a boyfriend – Popoholic
Prince Von A Hole’s latest stunt queen move – ICYDK
What in
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