You’ve probably heard by now that actress and noted possessor of ethereal beauty Kate Winslet went and married herself a new husband earlier this month. We have no idea if these two crazy kids can make it work, but here’s hoping they decide to have kids, because husband number 3 is walking around with the unlikely name of Ned Rocknroll.
So who is this guy? Strangely, he isn’t a former Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver or an L.A. Laker. As it turns out, if you heard the name ‘Ned Rocknroll’ and thought ‘eccentric millionaire,’ you’d be 100 percent right. Ned is Richard Branson’s nephew; he currently ekes out a living on what must surely be a pauper’s wage as the head of marketing promotion and something called ‘Astronaut Experience’ at Branson’s commercial spaceflight company, Branson Galactic.
Mr. Rocknroll obviously wasn’t born into the Rocknroll family. Cursed at birth with the impossibly bland name of ‘Ned Abel Smith,’ he chose his much more memorable moniker, according to ex wife Eliza Pearson, because he thinks people take themselves too seriously. Practicing what he preaches, he legally changed his name to one that would ensure neither he, nor anyone else, would be able to do that to him again. Fun fact: it turns out that you can’t legally choose a single name as your official name, which is why he went with Ned Rocknroll instead of his first choice, just ‘Ned.’ Sorry, Morrissey!
As far as crazy names go, Rocknroll doesn’t quite live up to the standard that Douglas Adams established with Wonko the Sane from So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish, but it’ll do in a pinch. And should he begin to be taken seriously again, we’d like to note that ‘Ochocinco’ is available again, thanks to…
Full Story »John Ford may be one of American cinema’s great directors, but Quentin Tarantino has some choice words for the maker of such film classics as The Searchers, Stagecoach, and The Grapes of Wrath: “To say the least, I hate him,” Tarantino told The Root in a recent conversation about Django Unchained. What’s more, he says Ford inspired him to write a scene in Django Unchained in which comically inept proto-Klansmen get their just desserts.
Earlier this month, Django producer Stacey Sher alluded to Tarantino’s animosity toward Ford at the film’s PGA screening. “He’s not a John Ford fan,” she said. “Do you know why? John Ford was a Klansman in Birth of a Nation, so Quentin can’t really get past that — and I can’t blame him.”
That’s terrifically provocative and explanatory a statement in itself, but in a fantastically in-depth interview at The Root, Tarantino explains the Ford beef further:
Oddly enough, where I got the idea for the Klan guys [in Django Unchained] — they’re not Klan yet, the Regulators arguing about the bags [on their heads] — as you may well know, director John Ford was one of the Klansmen in The Birth of a Nation, so I even speculate in the piece: Well, John Ford put on a Klan uniform for D.W. Griffith. What was that about? What did that take? He can’t say he didn’t know the material. Everybody knew The Clansman [on which Birth of a Nation was based] at that time as a piece of material.
…he put on the Klan uniform. He got on the horse. He rode hard to black subjugation. As I’m writing this — and he rode hard, and I’m sure the Klan hood was moving all over
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During an interview with Mandy Patinkin on Fox5’s Good Day New York, one of the co-anchors Dave Price had to quit that bitch early, because he got word that his wife was thisclose to popping out a baby. Yes, anything is more interesting than talking to Rosanna Scotto, but Mandy Patinkin’s beard nearly blew off of his face from how excited he got over the arrival of Dave Price’s new baby. Mandy didn’t want to talk about his TV show or Facebook or anything else. Mandy just wanted to know everything about Dave Price’s baby and even wanted them to call him after that baby breathed its first breath. I’m surprised Mandy didn’t pull a bunch of blue and pink cigars out of his pocket and start handing them out. I bet Dave Price’s wife wasn’t as excited as Mandy was and the baby was coming out of her vagina.
If the whole “being on Homeland” thing doesn’t work out for Mandy, he should become a professional labor cheerleader, because nobody’s more excited about the birthing of babies than he is. If Mandy ever gets mad at you and starts cursing you out, stop him and say, “Mandy, somewhere a woman is giving birth to a baby.” Then stand back and watch him go from MAD! to YAY! in five seconds flat.
via EW
No, Brian Austin Green’s nostrils aren’t inhaling two servings of Megan Fox’s pregnancy farts. Brian Austin Green’s facial expression dial is permanently stuck on “Snarling Bulldog.”
The world’s most prolific philosopher and Forever David Silver To Me never opened up their mouths to say that he put a Silver Baby in her Fox Womb, but they basically confirmed it with some completely natural and not-at-all staged pictures that weren’t taken in front of a “tropical landscape” background at a Sears Portrait Studio. If anything, those pictures were TOO natural.
Well, when it came time for Brian Austin Green to lure his Silver Fox baby out of Megan Fox’s uterus by singing an a capella version of “You’re So Precious To Me,” I didn’t think they’d announce it since they are so private and all (insert rolling of eye here). I figured they’d just do what my 14-year-old cousin did. One day she told me she was just getting fat and the next day she had a newborn baby in her arms and I was like, OK! Megan didn’t do that. Megan went on Facebook (via USWeekly) today to announce the birth of her first son and Brian Austin Green’s second son.
We have been very lucky to have had a peaceful few weeks at home, but I would like to release this myself before others do.
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I just gave birth to a trio of fuckyous for the three of you hateful bitches who sent this to me and then I gave birth to a fuckme for pressing play on this musical abortion of a song even though I knew it would be the worst thing that happened to my ears.
Since I only fill my head with television programs of the highest cultural quality (examples: Bad Girls Club Mexico and Hollywood Exes), I don’t watch Teen Mom at all. So I don’t know if Farrah Abraham is the one who turned her baby’s bottle into a meth pipe or if she’s the one who got her baby’s water wings surgically shoved into her chest. I don’t know, but now I do know Farrah Abraham as the tone deaf trick who’s responsible for making ears barf out buckets of blood.
I know I exaggerate about everything, but I’m not exaggerating about this. It’s like Farrah was taking a bath in battery acid when somebody threw a plugged-in synthesizer into the tub and recorded her electrocuted screams. If you took a scratched Crystal Castles CD, put it into a factory-defected Discman, pressed play and then tossed it into a garbage disposal, it would sound like this song. It really is like an auto-tuned massacre.
Recently, I made the biggest mistake of my life (next to listening to this) by getting Zoom whitening. If you’ve never gotten Zoom, don’t do it.
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What Real Housewife has secretly been taking birth control pills without telling her husband. He thinks they are trying for a baby. She thinks it may be time to get divorced and wants no part of a baby with him right now. It’s not RHNYC or RHATL. (CDAN)
It’s not Alexis Bellino from Real Housewives of Orange County, because I doubt she knows where babies come from let alone that something called a birth control pill exists. If the dumb bitch knows about the birth control pill, she probably thinks it’s something a knocked up ho in labor takes to slow down labor so she has enough time to get her nails done, wax her coochie, slip on her Alexis Couture diamante birthing gown and get her make-up done for free at the MAC counter at Nordstrom. Always gotta keep it glamorous, even on the birthing table.
It’s not Teresa “Gorilla Head” Giudice and Joe “Lame Chimp” Giudice, because I read in National Geographic, or something, that Animal Control caught those two in the wild, tagged them and sterilized them both so they can’t spawn anymore.
So, my official guess is Melissa and Joe Gorga?
This A list R&B singer has always shown he can and is an a-hole, but even with his past track record this might have brought him to new levels of a-holiness. His now former girlfriend is
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Yes, most hos in Los Angeles had to take a row boat to work this morning after Jessica Simpson flooded the streets with the tsunami of amniotic fluid that poured out of her while giving birth, but at least she can now walk the streets without having to worry about Ooma Loompas trying to roll her into the juicing room. Jessica announced on her site that 9 lbs. 13 oz. of baby came out of her body at a hospital in L.A. this morning.
As the Pop Tarts industry weeps over Jessica inevitably going on Weight Watchers to get her “body back,” read the statement that I’m sure their baby wrote herself since she had nothing else to do up in there but listen to Rosetta Stone MP3s.
“Eric and I are elated to announce the birth of our baby girl, Maxwell Drew Johnson. We are grateful for all the love, support and prayers we have received. This has been the greatest experience of our lives!”
Maxwell Drew sounds like the name of Nancy Drew’s know-it-all boy cousin who has dreams of becoming an R&B star.
Now that that’s over, brace yourselves for all the magazine pictures of Baby Maxi holding her ears because she really doesn’t want to her mother oversharing at the mouth about how great post-birth sex is. And can somebody please tell Papa Joe to take off that human breastfeeding pump costume already? Jessica isn’t going to fall for it again!
