Open Post: Hosted By Kristen Bell's Sloth-Induced Meltdown

Like Jennifer Aniston when Justin Theroux seriously asked her out on a date without saying PSYCH! afterward, Kristen Bell was filled so much potent happiness over meeting a sloth that she melted into a puddle of joy before the sloth drank her up with a straw (that’d probably make her life).

Seriously, Veronica Mars showed Ellen a clip (skip to the 2:00 mark) of her having a melodramatic meltdown after her piece Dax Shepard introduced her to a sloth on her birthday. OVER A SLOTH! It’s not like the sloth sang her a Stacey Q song or brought her a plate of Chocodiles (Why don’t they make Chocodiles anymore?). It was just a sloth being a sloth. Veronica Mars is fucking crazy. Although, if you woke up next to Dax’s face every morning, you too would be so vulnerable that your raw emotions would spin out of control at the drop of a SLOTH. This is your “crying over cat videos while on your period” moment on speed.

And I’m totally changing Birthday Sluts to Birthday Sloths.