For Why?!?

I just gave birth to a trio of fuckyous for the three of you hateful bitches who sent this to me and then I gave birth to a fuckme for pressing play on this musical abortion of a song even though I knew it would be the worst thing that happened to my ears.

Since I only fill my head with television programs of the highest cultural quality (examples: Bad Girls Club Mexico and Hollywood Exes), I don’t watch Teen Mom at all. So I don’t know if Farrah Abraham is the one who turned her baby’s bottle into a meth pipe or if she’s the one who got her baby’s water wings surgically shoved into her chest. I don’t know, but now I do know Farrah Abraham as the tone deaf trick who’s responsible for making ears barf out buckets of blood.

I know I exaggerate about everything, but I’m not exaggerating about this. It’s like Farrah was taking a bath in battery acid when somebody threw a plugged-in synthesizer into the tub and recorded her electrocuted screams. If you took a scratched Crystal Castles CD, put it into a factory-defected Discman, pressed play and then tossed it into a garbage disposal, it would sound like this song. It really is like an auto-tuned massacre.

Recently, I made the biggest mistake of my life (next to listening to this) by getting Zoom whitening. If you’ve never gotten Zoom, don’t do it.