By now you’ve probably already heard and made a remix of Demi Moore’s 911 call, and so I’m sure you’ve heard the part where the caller says that she had a seizure after smoking some nasty incense-like shit that wasn’t marijuana. But in the call, the caller also asks someone named “Ru” what the name at the gate is so they can buzz in the paramedics. Yeah, I know your thought bubble is filled with the image of RuPaul pulling Demi away from the claw of the Grim Reaper by stabbing her in the heart with a syringe full of life juice (aka adrenaline) Pulp Fiction-style. But the Ru they’re talking about is Demi’s daughter Rumer aka Tater Head.
So basically, Demi was probably doing whip-it hits and smoking some fraudulent weed with her daughter. In a T.G.I. Friday’s bathroom somewhere on Long Island, White Oprah just lifted her head up from off the toilet and reminisced about the first time her precious angel dialed 911 after she ODed on NyQuil, dog sedatives and nail polish remover. White Oprah made a mental note to invite Demi and Rumer over for a mother/daughter play date.
And as for that wannabe good shit Demi was smoking on, we all figured it was Miley’s choice of fake herb Salvia,
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Full Story »The trailer for St. Angie’s directorial debut In The Land of Blood & Honey (or In The Land of Blood & HUUUUUUNTY as my favorite YouTube star will undoubtedly call it) is here and watching it will make you ejaculate sunshine and burp up warm hearts. Of course, I mean it will make you do the opposite of that since this looks about as dark and depressing as how I’m going to spend my Friday night (hint: crying on the toilet while eating frozen grapes will happen at one point). If you don’t want to go there, then the only way to watch this trailer is to hit mute and let the musical masterpiece below be its only soundtrack.
Collider says that this feel good movie of the holiday season is about a Serbian soldier (let’s call him Private Brag Tipp) who falls in love with a Muslim prisoner (let’s call her Angela Jolli) and the two struggle to keep their love together as the war (let’s call it The Anistonian War) he’s forced to fight in tries to tear them apart. Sound familiar? Subtle bitch is subtle as always. The reviews are in and here’s just a few:
“A cinematic triumph that exquisitely uses the perfect metaphor to explore the heartbreaking struggles between Brangelina and Jennifer Aniston. You know, the only war any of us care about.” – Next week’s cover of Star Magazine
“This trailer is really uncool.” – Beanie Babies Weekly
“Michael, you’re stretching that plot out so much that it’s almost as loose as your asshole.” - You
Something fun to spice up the end of the week: 20th Century Fox has set up a telephone line for the raunchy David Gordon Green-directed December comedy The Sitter and star Jonah Hill will allegedly be answering calls at random. We unfortunately only reached his appropriately inappropriate voicemail, but you might get lucky. What would you ask? How many pleas for weight loss tips will Hill get before he tires of this nifty marketing ploy? Dial (917) 409-7838 and find out. [20th Century Fox]
Full Story »Madonna’s latest effort as a filmmaker, W.E., has not been the beneficiary of what you’d call especially glowing reviews out of the Venice Film Festival. Our own Stephanie Zacharek is among the more magnanimous critics to receive it there, calling it “at times comically bad. But it’s also criminally watchable.” At the other end of the spectrum are reviews citing its “galactic-level awfulness” and characterizing it as “inept, gauche and mendacious.” So what does the pop icon do when confronted with a fan? Let’s go to the videotape!
I mean, it’s unfortunate, but let’s face it: When you’ve spent years lip-syncing on stage, a live microphone can really catch you off-guard.
[via The Lost Boy]
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You’ve read the glowing reviews, you’ve heard about the crowds. But starting this weekend, it’s easier than ever to see Midnight in Paris, the late-era masterpiece from Woody Allen. The film’s continued theatrical expansion brings it to more than 900 screens nationwide, and considering its success to date, the folks at Sony Pictures Classics are feeling generous, offering up a Midnight in Paris poster signed by the Woodman himself. There’s just one little, 10-word catch. [UPDATE: Only a few hours remain before the deadline! Submit your review after the jump.]
We want to reward the reader with the best 10-word review of Midnight in Paris, and by best we mean most clever, imaginative, funny and/or evocative. (Needless to say, it will definitely help if you write a favorable review.) Make it smart, make it specific and make it 10 words — no more, no less — and you’re in the running. For example:
· Where has Owen Wilson been all of Woody Allen’s life?
…or:
· Never imagined Carla Bruni could stand up to Michael Sheen.
Or whatever. Obviously (and not just a little bitterly!) I can’t and won’t win, but now it’s up to you. Submit your review in either of two places:
· The comments section below
· On Twitter, using the hashtag #MLgiveaway
The contest ends tonight, June 12, at 6 p.m. ET/3 p.m. PT (a/k/a midnight in Paris), with a winner to be announced tomorrow morning. Good luck!
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The Huffington Post pointed towards an interview between The Telegraph and St. Angie Jolie where she talks about playing Cleopatra (“We are trying to get into a different truth about her as a pharaoh in history and not as a sex symbol, because she really wasn’t.“) and how she loves being a woman and loves that Brad Pitt is a REAL man. The more I read that shit, the more I began to think that somebody must’ve switched the jar of virgin souls Angie nibbles from with a jar of weed smoke, because she sounds like a stoned tween who draws a sparkly heart over the i in “Pitt.” Here’s the two pieces of the interview where Angie sounds like she’s quoting a Bye Bye Birdie song.
“I have an MV Augusta,” she says. “But Brad is the real rider. He’s really good.” She also flies a plane. But that said, “I love being a woman. I love that I can have children. I love feeling soft, I love being with Brad, I love all the sensitivity and natural emotion.”
“I am very lucky with Brad,” she goes on. “He is a real gentleman, but he is also a real man’s man. He’s got the wonderful balance of being an extraordinary, great, loving father, a very, very intelligent man and physically he’s a real
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Full Story »A Cannes-style queue has a curious shape. It’s not really a line at all, but more of a funnel — you can stay at the end for ages, while unassumingly pushy types creep forward from the sides in a barely discernible kind of Brownian movement. The festival staff — no-nonsense guys in matching taupe suits, notorious for being cranky — try to stem the pushing from the front, but have no control over how it happens from the back. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, or at least about 20, here’s a visual aid:
That explains why I didn’t get into the hot-ticket press conference for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. The proceedings are broadcast on monitors outside the press-conference room and around the Palais, but the sound is extremely low, and only the French translation comes through. So I have no idea what Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz or Rob Marshall had to say about the mildly diverting yet ultimately exhausting galleon-size vehicle that is Pirates IV. I can tell you that Depp, as I saw him on the monitor during the photo call, and briefly in person as he entered the press conference, looked vaguely annoyed or at least moderately indifferent, as actors often do at these things. They apparently don’t like any of this business any more than we do, though admittedly they make a lot more money off it.
Also at the press conference were Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane and a comely young actress, Astrid Berges-Frisbey, who plays a mermaid in the film. A shy-looking brunette, with just-bitten lips, she looked coltishly charming during the photo call. The Euro-journo wags standing around me, also waiting to…
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The Hunger Games roll call continues with today’s casting bit: Irish actress Paula Malcomson will play the mother of Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) and Primrose (Willow Shields) in Lionsgate’s upcoming novel adaptation. TV watchers may know Malcolmson from her extensive small screen work (Trixie from Deadwood! Amanda from Caprica! The lady that Sun shot on the boat on LOST!); she’s a character actress who leaves memorable marks even in small parts, which sounds perfect for the role of Mama Everdeen — a woman left despondent and emotionally crippled after the death of her husband. [Press release]
