The bodyguard’s piping hot side-eye says a million things including, “I will have to tag Adele out and jump in if that hand comes up higher,” so when this picture started making the rounds after the Grammys on Sunday night, somebody made up a story that Adele read Chris Brown his rights for not standing up for his parking space rival Frank Ocean. The story was sort of (not really) believable, because Adele was dressed like an off-duty schoolmarm who is always schooling brat ass tricks, so it sort of (not really) made sense that she would scold that throbbing urethra wart. Everybody from The Sun to the Daily Mail to HuffPo picked up the “Adele tells Chris Brown off” story and ran it as the truth. But Adele stuck a needle in everyone’s bubble yesterday when she said on Twitter that she wasn’t slapping a trick down with her words, she was throwing him a compliment. WHA??????!???
Unless your name is Scott Peterson, Ike Turner, Mel Gibson or Charlie Sheen, what is there to compliment Chris Brown on? Maybe Adele complimented Chris Brown on his anorexic anaconda dick? Or maybe Adele complimented him on his toddler boys communion suit from Sears? No, Adele probably gave him a pat on the back for going a full day without whooping a trick or throwing a full-on rage fit in the middle of a parking lot. He really should get a gold star for that.
Parking space rivals Frank Ocean and Chris Brown were up against each other for the Best Urban Contemporary Album award and when Frank Ocean won, everybody stood up, because they stand up for EVERYTHING at the Grammys. Well, everybody stood up except for Fist Brown. I guess bitch doesn’t love it when somebody beats him for a change. The truth is, everybody would’ve called The Difficult Brown a fake bitch if he did stand up for his parking space rival, but I’d like to think that he didn’t stand up, because he gambled with a fart and lost in an Al Roker way and didn’t want people to see it seeping through his pristine white pants.
But the best part of this moment (brought to us by Buzzfeed) isn’t Fist Brown refusing to stand, it’s the fact that Adele read him with just one simple side-eye. And she delivered it while wearing one of Mrs. Doubtfire’s favorite outfits. Now that’s some shit to stand up for.
The Ice Cream Punch Toy from the 1980s and beyond!
There’s not much to the Ice Cream Punch Toy. It was an ice cream ball made of foam on top of a plastic cone. You bought one for two quarters or maybe a dollar at the 99 Cent Store or from the liquor store (Side note: Where I grew up, we called the “deli” the “liquor store” from some reason). You were supposed to pretend to lick on the Ice Cream Punch Toy and since that foam ball looked SO MUCH like a real scoop of ice cream, your friend would ask you what flavor you were eating and you’d point it at them, pull the trigger and the foam ball would punch them in the face. But since everybody knew what was up and it looked nothing like real ice cream, we’d just attack each other with it. Our parents would laugh as we hit each other over the head with the foam ball and strangled each other with the cord. Basically, it was Chris Brown’s favorite toy as a kid.
Chris Brown got 180 days of community service after he pleaded guilty to beating on RiRi and all he had to do was to complete all 180 days, but since he’s an entitled anal sore, he didn’t! Obviously. The Los Angeles Times, TMZ and Reuters say that the L.A. District Attorney is going to ask a judge to snatch away Chris Brown’s probation, because they believe he faked most of his community service hours with a little help from his mother Mom Breezy and the Chief of Police in Richmond, VA.
Even though The Difficult Brown’s case was in California, the judge still allowed him to complete all his community service in his home state of Virginia. The D.A. said that on Chris Brown’s community service records they found three times when it was impossible for him to be doing community service, because he was either performing at a concert or riding on a private jet to Mexico.
Chris Brown also claims that he did hundreds of hours of community service at the Tappahannock Children’s Center and his mom, who was the director there once, was in charge of giving him jobs and scheduling times for him to come in after-hours.
…
Full Story »
