Meet the Hamburglar’s lesbian sister, the Furburglar. – Sweetas
Runners-up:
Christina Hendricks has found a way to keep January Jones’ legs shut once and for all. – The Mad Catter
My other wheelchair is a Coco – snowpiece
You may not think so now, Courtney, but going from the cover of Girls & Corpses to hemorrhoid donut is actually a step up. – chinchilla
via Evil Milk
I am still seven kinds of sick, so there I won’t be drunk blogging the Golden Globes (yes, I thought of Christina Hendricks while typing that and yes, I liked it) tonight. Although, I could down three jugs of NyQuil and just type “pleasefuckingtakemelordendmyaches” over and over again during my liveblog. That would be way more interesting that my past live blogs. Anyway, the Golden Globes are here and I was trying to find a picture of Cojo for this open post, but I couldn’t find one. I don’t even think Cojo is there. How can the Golden Globes happen without Cojo?!
In his place is Japanese musician type Yoshiki Hayashi who wrote the Golden Globes theme song, or something like that. I know, he’s no Cojo, but if you put your nose to your screen, you will smell the faint scent of honey-infused unicorn farts just like Cojo! So his ass will do.
Happy Golden Globe-ing, everyone! Have a few dozen drinks for me. If Anne Hathaway doesn’t win, I’ll see you in the safe house since she’ll make all of us pay if she doesn’t have her hands around that golden dome butt plug trophy tonight.
Glee’s Chris Colfer returns to high school in new feature, Struck By Lightning, but instead of singing and dancing, his character is a ruthless aspiring journalist extraordinaire and he needs help from his fellow students on a project. The problem is, he’s very unpopular, but their cooperation may mean the difference between getting into Northwestern University or not and his wider plans at literary world domination.
The log line for Struck By Lightning:
High school senior Carson Phillips (Chris Colfer) was destined for bigger things than his close-minded small town could ever offer. He was on a path to greatness, but destiny had a different plan when he was suddenly killed by a bolt of lightning in his school parking lot.
Demonstrating that life is what happens while you’re busy planning your future, Carson recounts the last few weeks of his life via witty, insightful flashbacks, including a blackmail scheme targeting the popular kids in school that he concocts with his best friend (Rebel Wilson, Bridesmaids), and a home life that includes a mother (Allison Janney, Juno) who’s more interested in the bottle than her son’s future and an estranged father (Dermot Mulroney, My Best Friend’s Wedding) who suddenly appears with a pregnant fiancée (Christina Hendricks, Mad Men). The film also features Sarah Hyland (Modern Family), Angela Kinsey (The Office), Polly Bergen (Desperate Housewives), and Ashley Rickards (American Horror Story).
Watch the video on YouTube
Since today’s theme is turning into cleavage of all kinds, here’s Kat Dennings hiking her chichi balls up so high that the feet of the angels can practically touch them. The Emmys should’ve opened last night with Kat and Christina Hendricks trying to hug, because that would’ve been a real show. It would’ve looked like four baby sumo wrestlers head butting each other over and over again. No, the Emmys didn’t do that. They decided to hand out a bunch of awards to a bunch of boring ass shows instead.
You know what would’ve been easier? If they just showed a live shot of a dump truck backing up into Honey Boo Boo Chile’s front lawn and dumping hundreds upon hundreds of trophies in front of her house. The Emmys can retire forever, because no other show will come close to reaching the levels of artistic excellence that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has reached. Just give Mama June all the Emmys and everyone can go home.
But the dumb bitches at the Emmys didn’t do that either. They spent 3 hours passing out trophies and you can click here for a full list, but I threw some of the winners after the cut. If you say the line “Should’ve been Mama June’s Forklift Foot” after reading each winner’s
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Full Story »
Christina Hendricks’ husband can’t believe his life either. His face has rarely moved out of that expression ever since Christina asked him, “Do you want to just slip the ring on my left nipple since you haven’t looked at my face once!” during their wedding ceremony.
Mad Men went into the Emmys last night with 17 nominations and they walked away with nothing but a handful of drink tickets to use to drown their sorrows in the sweet nectar after losing EVERYTHING. Jon Hamm was nominated for Outstanding Actor in a Drama and he didn’t get shit. Christina Hendricks was nominated for Outstanding Supporting Actress and she also didn’t even get a tiny dingle out of the Emmy statue’s ass. The only thing Mad Men won was the title of losingest TV show of all time. Northern Exposure and The Larry Sanders show both held the record for the most Emmy losses in one year (16 each) and so Mad Men beat both of their asses.
After THAT episode, I really thought I’d see Christina Hendricks on stage, balancing a trophy on her magnificent chichis while giving an acceptance speech, but that didn’t happen. The Emmy bitches also didn’t do the right thing by giving a very special humanitarian award to Jon Hamm’s hamm loaf for enriching lives (and fuck parts) and making
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Full Story »Call it the zen of Ryan.
During a roundtable interview with Ryan Gosling and filmmaker Derek Cianfrance for their latest film, The Place Beyond The Pines, I asked the actor if he felt that the media focused too much on the more superficial aspects of his acting career — remember the hubub over Bradley Cooper being chosen over him as People magazine’s sexiest man of the year last fall? — when he keeps proving himself to be one of the finest actors working today.
“I’m not really allowed to have an opinion so I just choose to not think about it,” Gosling said. ”It is what it is.”
After memorable performances last year in Drive, Ides of March and Crazy, Stupid Love, Gosling is riveting in The Place Beyond The Pines as a former stunt motorcyclist who turns to bank-robbing to support a son he fathered. Although the film has yet to secure a distributor, the buzz at the festival on Saturday night was that it was only a matter of time.
During the roundtable interview — more of which we’ll post tomorrow — Gosling and Cianfrance, who previously worked together on the 2010 heartwrencher Blue Valentine, did not look like they were worried about their film reaching a wider audience.
Asked what made the actor special, Cianfrance sounded mostly sincere when he called Gosling a “magic person who makes things better,” adding: “We’ve all seen him save people from getting hit by a car, and we’ve all seen him break up fights in the city. He makes the world a better place. And that’s what he does in a movie. He makes me a better filmmaker and everyone around him better.”
In response to the same question, the deadpan Gosling replied: “I look like Derek.”
Gosling…
Full Story »Ryan Gosling is graduating from actor/coloring book muse to writer-director with his directorial debut, How To Catch A Monster, from his own script – and he’s recruited Drive co-star Christina Hendricks to play the lead. So what’s the Baby Goose’s first foray behind the camera about?
Described as a “modern day fairytale” with elements of “fantasy, noir, and suspense,” Monster sounds like a cousin of sorts to Nicholas Winding Refn’s Drive, which followed Gosling’s coiled-up Driver in a seedy tour through Los Angeles.
Hendricks co-starred in Drive as Blanche, the pouty femme fatale who gets wrapped up in a job gone wrong before taking a memorable powder in a motel bathroom. Monster, produced by Marc Platt and Adam Siegel (two of the producers on Drive), will be courting buyers at the Toronto Film Festival next month, with filming to start next spring.
Per press release, via Indiewire:
“How To Catch a Monster weaves elements of fantasy, noir, and suspense into a modern day fairytale. Set against the surreal dreamscape of a vanishing city, Billy, a single mother of two, is swept into a macabre and dark fantasy underworld while her teenage son discovers a secret road leading to an underwater town. Both Billy and Bones must dive deep into the mystery, if their family is to survive.”
