It was only a matter of time, really; we’ve got FDR fighting werewolves and Abe Lincoln staking vampires, why not resurrect Osama bin Laden from the dead so Western heroes can kill him off again? This time around it’s a bunch of soldiers — excuse me, hunky, apparently manscaped soldiers — hunting the zombified bin Laden as he leads an army of flesh-eating terrorists towards a zombie apocalypse in Osombie. Yep, someone went there. Too soon?
Nah, who are we kidding — I’m betting the world is ready to eat this stuff up. Also betting on that are director John Lyde and the makers of Osombie, who have put together a teaser reel of footage full of zombie decapitations and love scenes (of course!) to garner finishing funds for their indie production, which shot Utah for Afghanistan last fall. The synopsis of Osombie, as if you needed to know anything more:
The story follows Dusty, a yoga instructor from Colorado, who is on a desperate rescue mission to save her crazy brother Derek, a conspiracy theorist who is convinced Osama Bin Laden is still alive, despite having been buried at sea. In Afghanistan, Dusty falls in with a team of NATO Special Forces on a secret assignment. Turns out Derek is not so crazy after all, and that Osama has returned from his watery grave and is making an army of zombie terrorists. When the group crashes headlong into the growing zombie apocalypse, Dusty and the troops must find and destroy the root of the zombie insurgency before it infests the rest of the world.
More info on Osombie and its Kickstarter campaign here.
All in all, the Osama hook should give Osombie…
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Happy Tuesday! Also in today’s edition of The Broadsheet: The plug is pulled on Paradise Lost (for now)… A pair of Weinstein award horses sniff the backlash… Universal gets back in the Angelina Jolie business… and more.
· I guess that George Lucas being out of ideas barely counts as news, but for the record: There’s still no real peg to hang Indiana Jones 5’s story on. Or, in Lucas’s words: “I told [Steven Spielberg] about the story, but I really haven’t found the MacGuffin yet. I mean, I know what it’s about, but I just have to find a MacGuffin that fits into the arena we’re working in.” Poor George is stumped! Can anybody out there help old Stumpy MacGuffin? [Vulture]
· “STUNNER! Legendary Pictures Postpones January Start Of Alex Proyas-Directed Paradise Lost,” shouts the headline at our sister site Deadline. I mean, totally! Why would anyone think twice about letting Alex Proyas go a reported 15 percent over a $120 million budget to adapt John Milton’s poem with **Bradley Cooper **in the lead? Come on! Be stunned, already. [Deadline]
· I’m no conspiracy theorist, but… Oh, who the hell am I kidding: The timing of this slur campaign against My Week With Marilyn — in which the son of Marilyn Monroe’s former manager calls the film’s source material “a complete lie” and even prompts skepticism from lead actress Michelle Williams herself — is a little strange as critics awards and the Golden Globes hammer out their favorites of 2011. Of course, The Weinstein Company has both this film and the Best Actress frontrunner The Iron Lady. Harvey wouldn’t sabotage one for the other’s sake, would he? [LAT via
Ashton Kutcher had 4 minutes to spare on Wednesday and he had two choices on how to spend that time: take a crash course on how to put on a condom before fucking his side whores; or let out a long-winded douche hole rambling monologue on chime.in about how the media needs gatekeepers and how the printer is out of paper. AssStain went with the second choice, the WRONG choice, and I don’t even know what came out of his mouth.
Ashton’s brain gargled all of his thoughts and then his mouthed queefed a giant load of meaningless crap. Ashton not only looks like a homeless conspiracy theorist who rattles on about sneaky clouds when you put a quarter in his cup, but he also talks like one too. This is the gist of what poured out of Ashton’s colostomy bag mouth:
“I started thinking (Ed note: You should’ve stopped there) about that in relation to social media and media today. The threshold to have literature printed and distributed — the cost structure went down to zero dollars. Thereby, there is no gatekeeper of the truth. We are our own editors, and our own publishers. We are our own printers. Therefore people can bastardize the truth in any way, shape or truth they want.
We really have
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