Just one day after a crazy bitch threw a pubes-covered electric razor at him, Hugh Jackman was back at the scene of the crime, Gotham Gym in NYC, yesterday. If Hugh stops putting muscles on top of his muscles while surrounded by a bunch of hot, sweaty dudes in wet tank tops, the pube-throwing stalkers have won!
I, for one, am glad that Hugh JackMeOff isn’t going to let some crazy lady and her flying nether region fur keep him from the gym, because if he did stay away, we’d never get these pictures of him looking like an angry bullfrog trying to keep his ass from exploding while getting DPed. And now I know how that crazy bitch feels, because looking at Hugh’s veiny dick arms is making me want to throw pubes at the screen while declaring my love for him.
Amanda Bynes’ bumper car adventures are over…until she eventually puts on her favorite disguise (they call her Sneaky McCobijaFace) to carjack a Disney star and continue to toke her face off to terrorize the streets of Los Angeles in the name of her satanic overlords at Nickelodeon. (More on that Nickelodeon vs. Disney in a second.)
Bumper Car Mandy was driving through Burbank at around 9:30 yesterday morning when the cops pulled her over. TMZ doesn’t say why they pulled her over, but I’m sure it had something to do with weed smoke pouring out of her exhaust pipe and screams coming from the bicyclist who clung to her hood after she hit him and kept on driving. The cops ran her drivers license, found out she’s a menace to the streets and put her BMW in car jail.
Amanda’s friends and families are probably concerned that her partner in terror, her black BMW, was ripped from her hands, because now that she REALLY has nothing to do, she’s going to come over, smoke all of their good shit, hit on their refrigerators and have seriously intense conversations with their coffee table about how the refrigerator over there is a frigid bitch and refused to give her its number.
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Amanda Bynes was reportedly involved in ANOTHER vehicular hit-n-run. The victim claims Amanda clipped her on the 101 in the San Fernando Valley on April 10th and then sped off. The person she massaged bumpers with gave chase after recording the license plate number and noting who she was. Amanda and her BMW ran a red light and escaped. Fuck, once she hits something and gets her smartphone knocked out of her hand – bitch is suddenly The Driver.
She needs to start taking the driver’s ed car, complete with a passenger-side set of brakes and a cantankerous-ass driver’s ed teacher willing to use them. This crazy bitch. You know the reason why she’s taking out cars left and right is because she’s always texting or she discovers tiny spots on her big mug in her mirror that the spray tan cannon somehow missed. And panics.
Also, she compounds her idiocy by driving off like they won’t find her. It’s 2012. The only people who commit crimes anymore are fools. There are cameras everywhere, every move you make is recorded on someone’s server, you leave DNA wherever you go, and people want to get on TV so they’ll totally sell your ass out. The victim of Amanda’s shitty driving tracked her fool ass down!
From TMZ:
CHP showed up, ran the plate and determined it was a rental vehicle. Officers told
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Brandi Glanville recently told NW Magazine, in so many words, that if murdering the life out of a luckdragon didn’t automatically get you a life sentence in the Ivory Tower, she would’ve killed Falcor Rimes a long time ago. Brandi said that the kids at her son’s soccer game almost witnessed two plastic praying mantises with fake tits go at it after she strolled onto the field and caught LeAnn Rimes having a sweet bonding experience with her son. Brandi knew how Bridget Fonda felt in Single White Female, because there was LeAnn Rimes with her son, her old husband and her current tits. Brandi nearly stabbed a trick in the eye with stiletto:
“I remember walking up . . . and there she was with my baby in her lap. My blood was boiling, and I thought I was going to kill her. I really thought I was going to physically hurt her. That was the first time I saw her that way–she was sitting in my soccer chair, under my tent, she’s got my kid on her lap and she’s with my husband, and that was that little moment of total irrational fury.”
Brandi says that she’s never going to make LeAnn a friendship bracelet, but LeAnn gets along with her boys and that’s all she really cares about. However, a source close to LeAnn (aka the full-time fanfiction
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Since Frances Bean’s iPhone has a Crazy Ass Bitch Blocker App and redirects all calls from Courtney Love to the nearest lunatic asylum, Courtney has to use Twitter to throw a sowwy at her own “biological” (copyright: Frances Bean Cobain) daughter. Courtney started this mess last week when she brain queefed up the gross rumor that Dave Grohl took his obsession with Kurt Cobain to SUCIO levels by screwing on Frances Bean. Frances Bean calmly responded by saying that somebody really needs to strap straitjacket gloves on Courtney’s hands and keep her away from Twitter. Well, Frances’ calm smack down must have temporarily knocked the crazy out of Courtney, because she went on her other Twitter account yesterday to apologize:
Bean, sorry I believed the gossip.. Mommy loves you
— Courtney Love Cobain (@Courtney) April 14, 2012
Mark yesterday as the first day in modern history that the bat litter box called Courtney’s head actually had a moment of clarity. I’d like to think that this will teach Courtney to never believe one of the voices in her head after she snorts a crushed homemade Adderall pill she made using a Lohan family recipe, but it won’t. Stay tuned for more fuckery from this crazy bitch.
via People
Bitches who said that one of the original first ladies of crazy, Sean Young, can’t even get arrested in Hollywood are gargling and swallowing their words this morning, because the insane bitch who paved the way for fellow crazies like Spaz de la Huerta was thrown into handcuffs after she brought the insanity on a security guard at the official Oscars after party last night.
TMZ says that after the Oscars, Sean hung around the entrance to the Governors Ball with a group of friends. Apparently, Sean didn’t have a ticket to get in and was trying to crash that shit. The security guard knew that Sean was trying to be slick and slip in, so he kept telling her to try the after-party at the IHOP on Santa Monica instead. You can’t keep a crazy bitch away for long and Sean kept trying to get in. The security guard finally had enough of her shameless trying and the two got into it. The security guard says that Sean slapped him in the face and that’s when he busted a CITIZEN’S ARREST on his ass. Sean was taken to a police station in Hollywood where she was kept for four hours.
TMZ has a video of Sean leaving the police station at 2 in the morning and the smell of teeth dust will hit your nostrils as soon
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Full Story »Above is a video taken at one of Hell’s franchises on earth (aka Walmart) of Rollback-hungry sluts going crazy over a discounted Xbox 360. You’d think this Xbox has a Fleshlight attachment that vibrates whenever you shoot a bitch up in Call of Duty 3 (let’s call it the XXXbox Special), but nope. This is just America and we’d eat a baby’s face off to get 10% off of an Xbox. But some crazed Black Friday soldier already had a plan ready when she stepped into the Walmart in Porter Ranch, CA early this morning to fight over that Xbox. The L.A. Times says that the crazy bitch, who had her two kids with her, started pepper spraying at all the other shoppers so they’d scatter for breathable air while she went for the Xbox. Around 20 people including chirruns got sprayed and one of them had to go to the hospital. The LAPD says the pepper-spraying crazy is currently on the loose and they’re looking at surveillance video to try to find her.
Okay, I just have to laugh at this mess, because the image of some insane Black Friday terrorist attacking her rivals with pepper spray should replace all George Washington as the new face of the $1 bill. That’s America! And I’m sure she just won a new job as the head of security at UC Davis.
Meanwhile, at another Walmart, a tornado of lunacy erupted over $2 waffle makers that most of those crazies will use twice.
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Full Story »This clip looks like it was dug up from the local news archives of the last century and so that means this is the original I QUIT THIS BITCH send-off. News reporter Joyce Evans puts on her serious journalist voice, takes a beat and drops it while saying the line that 99% of us say whenever we’re in front of a police joint. YAAAASSSSSS!
This classic shit reminds me of the time I volunteered at the hospital my mom worked at answering phones. I picked up the phone, put on my serious receptionist voice, listened to some crazy ho go off about her appointment time, calmly told her to hold, thought I put her on hold (I didn’t) and then turned to one of the office assistants and said, “This bitch is crazy!” When I got back on the phone, my ears heard the words, “This crazy bitch is about to get you fired.” Whoops! My candy striper dreams killed by a “bitch” out of my own mouth.
Did your coworker in the cubicle next to yours who named one of her 12 cats Edpurr Cullen and who you once caught bidding on a Twilight toilet seat cover call in sick Friday and today? If she did, then the crazy bitch just got caught. Snitch on her! She obviously made her way to the Nokia Theater in L.A. to temporarily move into the Twilight Tent City (aka The Jennifer Aniston Projects) in hopes that some of RPattz’s DNA will fall on her tongue as he walks past her on the red carpet at the premiere of Breaking Dawn tonight.
Some of these Twihards have been camping out for the past five days! THE FUCK doesn’t even begin to describe. “Oh hi, nana, no I can’t make it to your 90th birthday party, because I’ll be sleeping on the fucking concrete so that I can see Taylor Lautner in the flesh from 200 yards away. Oh, stop crying, nana…”
If you’re in the L.A. area, you better pop open your umbrellas now. In just a few minutes, L.A. is about get a torrential downpour of extra chunky cooch cream that has been brewing inside of hundreds of Twihards for days. Just look at these crazies. Some of these Twihards put on wedding dresses to pose next to a cardboard Edward Cullen, so just imagine what they plan to do when they see the real
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Anybody who has seen Paula Abdul’s masterpiece of a trainwreck reality show knows that she’s a sane and level-headed employer who treats all of her assistants with the utmost respect and would never make unreasonable demands. Since it’s Opposite Day, what I really mean by that is Paula is Forever Your Crazy Bitch and working for her is probably not unlike babysitting a psychotic toddler who has never been spanked and will only go into its calm submissive state if you stick a pacifier made of Vicodin in its mouth. I bet if you walked into any padded room and asked who has worked for Paula Abdul, the one patient in there would stop chewing on a pillow tile to raise her hand a dozen times (one for each personality that was created to deal with Paula’s crazy ass).
UsWeekly says that Skat Kat’s former beard (Skat Kat, totally gay, totally loved the Q-Tip in his no-no) gives all of her assistants this list of demands they must follow or she’ll feed them to Simon Cowell’s tits.
1. Each assistant must carry and use a tape recorder at all times “because she doesn’t trust her own conversations,” the source says.
2. “She also makes them check the TiVo for any mention of her and put it on a DVD.”
3. Abdul team members should also prepare to go through her email –
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