Now everyone in NYC knows why they have charbroiled nipples today (read: it was hotter than hell). The air caught fire when newlyweds Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente strut around NYC today. Cynthia Nixon has a look on her face that says she’s over it, frustrated, about to stab choke a kitten with her bare teeth and hasn’t had a peaceful bowel movement in days. That is the look on every married ho’s face. It’s the official look of a wife! Married life looks good on both of them, but really what doesn’t? I mean, only Rojo Caliente can pull off a pair of Tommy Bahama shorts and Cynthia is melting the pavement with those Birkenstocks (aka the official footwear of the gayelles).
A little later, Cynthia was on the edge of going full Alec Baldwin on a cab driver when he refused to drive her. Once that NOT KNOWING cab driver realized that he had one of the ginger queens of the island before him, he opened up his yellow chariot and drove her to her palace. Who knew that seeing a slightly rage-filled Cynthia would put me through changes? I thought only Rojo had that effect on me.
Here’s the First Ladies of the Ginger Gayelles posing for their official wedding portrait, which I’m hoping they gave to People in exchange for a generous donation to the Save The Gingers Foundation. For the most important royal wedding in history, Cynthia Nixon wore a custom made pale green Carolina Herrera dress and Rojo Caliente wore a custom made suit from Men’s Warehouse and a tie from Friar Tux’s Lucky Bitch collection. They chose green as their wedding color to remind us all that Cynthia’s the second luckiest human alive for getting to curl up into Rojo’s piping hot arms at night and Rojo is the first luckiest human alive for getting to be Rojo Caliente!
This beautiful portrait is really what you find in the bottom of a pot at the end of the rainbow. A glossy copy of this stunning portrait is the prize you get when you turn a four leaf clover into your local lottery office. The next time I go to a Home Depot, I better see this picture in stained glass on all their front windows. It’s that magical and that holy. I think I just had an SM (spiritual movement)!
Since J. Harvey is a certified drunk mess, I felt it was only fitting to announce his triumphant return with these pictures of Our Patron Saint of Patron, Kate Moss, trying to figure out how “this walking thing” works while leaving a Mexican restaurant in London with her husband Count Von Count last night. But before I get into Drunk Ass Kate being Drunk Ass Kate….
One of the more reliable voices in my head tells me that the sanctity of marriage will receive a flaming breath of life this weekend when the most gorgeous ginger lesbian on every planet Rojo Caliente marries Cynthia Nixon. So because of this, I’m going to spend my entire Memorial Day Weekend throwing confetti made of double pleated Dockers in the streets to celebrate the greatest ROYAL GINGER LESBIAN WEDDING OF OUR TIME! No, I won’t be doing that, but I did hear that a Rojo Caliente wedding might be upon us soon, so gird your souls! My mom is in town, so my sister and I will be spending our Memorial Day Weekend fighting with each other in various restaurants around the city. While I do that, J. Harvey will be spreading the foolery on Dlisted starting today through Monday. I’ll still be posting sporadically (file that under: smart words I learned while watching Clueless) throughout the weekend, so you haven’t completely gotten rid of me. I’ll be back full-time
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So that’s why it’s almost like summer in NYC. It’s isn’t from global warming (it’s totally from global warming)! It’s because the apparent heir to the American ginger throne, 1-year-old Max Ellington Nixon-Marinoni (Prince MEN-M) is heating up the sidewalks with the curly halo of flames on his head. No, Cynthia Nixon’s hair didn’t burn off from being that close to Max’s short fro of sparks. Cynthia shaved it all off to do Wit on Broadway.
The rapture has been re-scheduled for a later date, because the world can’t end now that a miniature Rojo is here. Prince Max saved us all!!! (See also: ginger babies are the best.)
The soon-to-be Mrs. Rojo Caliente, Cynthia Nixon, caused a shit storm yesterday when she said that she chose to be a lesbian and that in her personal opinion she believes that for some hos it is a choice. Some gay activists lit her asshole up for giving ammo to homophobes and some homophobes gladly used that ammo by leaving comments on other sites like, “One of dem admitted it’s a choice! See!” I just wanted Rojo to take me in her teddy bear arms and hold me until bitches stopped screaming at each other.
Well, in another interview, Cynthia gets into her sexuality more. Cynthia says that when she was with a dude, she loved that dude with her heart and loved his peen with her poon. Now that she’s with the most beautiful lesbian in the world, she loves that woman with her heart, and loves that woman’s poon with her poon. But Cynthia doesn’t consider herself bisexual, because nobody likes bisexuals. This is a piece of her conversation with The Daily Beast’s Kevin Sessums:
KS: Were you a lesbian in a heterosexual relationship? Or are you now a heterosexual in a lesbian relationship? That quote seemed like you were fudging a bit.
CN: It’s so not fudging. It’s so not. I think for gay people who feel 100 percent gay, it doesn’t make any sense. And for straight people who
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The good gay news today is that soon gays and gayelles will be able to have the rained out, flying fish wedding of their dreams at the Seattle Fish Market, because Washington is inches away from legalizing gay marriage finally. The other gay news that I’m not sure how to wrap the lobes of my brain around is that Cynthia Nixon told The New York Times that she made the choice to slurp on lady clit and fall in love with a woman.
“I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay
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As Urinal Kake Kardashian initiated Kris Humphries into the Kardashian Kult chapter of the Illuminati by pulling his heart out with her teeth and offering it as a sacrifice to the devils, country singer and blind item star Chely Wright married her piece Lauren Blitzer in Connecticut.
Chely tells People that they married at Lauren’s auntie’s house and chose to keep veils off of their heads because they didn’t want to fuck up their mops. Chely is a Christian and Lauren is Jewish, so a rabbi and a minister worked together to bond the two in gayelle matrimony. Chely said this to People about her new wife:
“The freedom of being out and open about who I am allowed me to find and fall in love with Lauren – the most amazing woman I’ve ever known.”
Never mind that Chely and Lauren’s wedding picture looks like one of my friends trying to talk a tanked me from the edge of letting out a drunk barf in the middle of the bar, this is wonderful news for one important reason. The reason being that maybe this will inspire Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon to make the gayngels cry flannel tears by getting married STAT.
And John Rich now knows the reason why every single one of his credit cards got declined at Home Depot yesterday. Don’t fuck with the gayelles!
(Image: Twitter via Just Jared)
Words will cheapen this beyond beautiful public moment between Rojo Caliente, her queen Cynthia Nixon and the adorable new Rojo Prince of Gingers Max Ellington Nixon-Marinoni (aka Prince MEN), so I will leave you to print this out in the finest velvet, frame it in gilded gold and place it at an altar surrounded by cinnamon candles. This is my new religion (sorry, Church of Lucite). Who needs a fireplace (or even a radiator that works) when you’ve got this?
But I will say just one thing…. Why the hell are they posing in front of that cheap ass business park curtain?! They should be in front of a royal blue velvet curtain trimmed with solid gold! Oh, what am I saying? Rojo is forever humble. And we pray….
(Thanks to everyone who sent this in)
Chris “Crazy Chris” Lynman who set the Das Supertalent (aka Germany’s Got Talent) stage on fire with the sparkling flames shooting out of his b-hole like one of Heat Miser’s violent farts.
Katy Perry’s firestarter nipples have met their match! Last week, Chris Lynman dropped some dazzle on the Das Supertalent judges when he got sexy with a firework by sticking it between his nalgas and then lighting it. Cynthia Nixon is looking at this shit like, “Meh and meh and more meh. You should see what Rojo Caliente can do naturally.”
The judges were also not amused, because Chris Lynman’s fire in the hole was put out and he didn’t go on to singe his butt hairs in the next round. I guess, the lost art of making a firework orgasm through butt sex just isn’t as appreciated as much as it used to be. 
Below is the NSFW clip of Crazy Chris’ audition. Warning: This clip does include furry tuck pie, bare ass cheeks, firework violations and melodramatic music.
via Tabloid Prodigy
That’s if you’re not already on the floor from “stop, drop and rolling” after being hit by a flaming ball of scorching hot loveliness flying out off of the tips of Rojo Caliente’s delicate eyelashes. Just when I thought another weekend was going to roll by without being blessed by rays from the gayelle sun, these pictures bear hugged my eyeballs and gave me a reason to go on. Because we all know that Rojo Caliente is the cure for the common everything! This is totally me right now.
Here we have the always beautiful human soul defibrillator and her queen holding court at the Royal Home Depot Ball in Vermont yesterday. No, they are really at the Susan G. Komen Global Awards at the Kennedy Center in DC last night. The new Goddess of Fire looked beautifully handsome in another handmade, one-of-a-kind tuxedo from Men’s Warehouse exclusive “Sharp As All Fuck” collection. And only Cynthia Nixon can pull off a gown made from bed sheets charred by Rojo’s touch.
How those men behind Rojo and Mrs. Rojo can just sit there like nothing is beyond me. This is some “get on your knees and worship until you pass out” shit.
