If you looked at those pictures of Demi Moore twerking her coochie lips off yesterday, then I’m sure you still smell like burnt hair from your lashes getting singed by the heat she was serving. Well, say goodbye to the rest of your lashes, because here’s some pictures of Demi’s rumored piece giving us some “Alice the Goon farting after sucking on a lemon” hotness on Miami Beach yesterday afternoon.
26-year-old Vito Schnabel is the art dealer son of Julian Schnabel and there’s rumors that Demi has been humping on him for a little while now. But while at some Art Basel event in Miami on Wednesday night, Vito told TMZ that he’s not boning Tater Head’s co-creator. However, a source tells Page Six that they are dating and Vito doesn’t want it to get out, because he’s a serious art dealer type and doesn’t want to be known as Demi’s cub. The source said, “Vito and Demi didn’t want to be pictured together. They want to keep their relationship as private as possible, and he is determined to be taken seriously in the art world rather than be known as a celebrity.”
Unless, Vito Schnabel finds a secret stash of Thomas Kinkade’s final works, I
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Jesse Eisenberg landed an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network and most recently, he is a love-sick architect opposite Alec Baldwin in Woody Allen’s To Rome with Love. Next up, the young star plays a piano prodigy who tries to check his mother (played by Oscar-winner Melissa Leo) into rehab. Things, however, go awry when he is taken hostage by her drug dealer (hate when that happens) and he is suddenly off on a wild adventure.
The film was formerly titled Predisposed when it debuted at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this year. Despite the obvious that’s revealed in the trailer – namely the aforementioned mother who is hooked on drugs and a kidnapping by a drug dealer, the film appears to have some laughs. Phil Dorling and Ron Nyswanner co-direct the film and wrote the screenplay. IFC Films will release the film August 17th.
Why would a Berkeley grad weed dealer and his ex-Navy SEAL partner take on a Mexican cartel who wants in on their business? To get their kidnapped shared girlfriend back, of course! Since said shared girlfriend is Blake Lively, I can understand why Aaron Johnson and Taylor Kitsch would risk life and limb to fight off Salma Hayek’s gun-wielding goons. I’m not quite as sold on why Oliver Stone would make a movie like this, but after watching the trailer for Savages, hell — I’m in.
Let’s catalogue all the things in the first trailer for July 6’s Savages, which debuted on MTV, that are intriguing:
- Aaron Johnson’s UC Berkeley white boy dreads, which I might otherwise find unappealing if they weren’t on him and only for like 5 seconds
– (Side note: I went to Cal and I never once encountered a pot dealer who looked like Aaron Johnson. Sigh.)
- Aaron Johnson and Taylor Kitsch as odd couple bro-buddies
- Blake Lively as a woman who is so in love with both Aaron Johnson and Taylor Kitsch she decides she’ll just date them both at the same time in some sort of super progressive three-way relationship
- Blake Lively embracing her sensuality and being actually interesting for once (see above)
- Salma Hayek’s bangs
- Taylor Kitsch stabbing John Travolta out of nowhere
- Evil Benicio del Toro literally twirling (okay, nervously stroking) his evil moustache
- The return of California surfer-outlaw chic — are skeleton hoods the new President masks?
Verdict: Bring on the Johnson-Kitsch sandwich.
Get More: Emile Hirsch, Blake Lively, Benicio Del Toro,
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Fishsticks Paltrow tells Johnathon Ross (via The Mirror) that if you put a can of Easy Cheese (or Slut Cheese as I call it) and a crack pipe in front of her and asked her to choose one, she’d make like Whitney Houston and let the white ghost in.
“I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can.”
If Fishy’s trying to get every crack dealer to change their occupation to spray cheese dealer, it’s working. Of course, Fishy’s crack comes from her private crack dealer Lionel who makes it with organic coca leaves from a small South American tribe you’ve never heard of and cooks it in a wood burning crack oven in his backyard. And when Fishy’s not smoking crack out of a hand blown pipe from Portugal, she’s boozing it up!
“I drink constantly while I’m cooking. Wine, either color.”
While cooking up crack, I’m sure.
And now to stop my eyes from rolling (Yes, I can roll my eyes and type at the same time. It’s my only skill.) after reading this insufferable bitch’s words of pretension, I’m going to need to smoke dried squirt cheese out of a crack.
(Thanks Allen)
Upright Citizens Brigade co-founder Matt Walsh (Outsourced) called on a dozen of his fellow comedians to act in his directorial debut High Road, an improvised film about a weed dealer (James F. Pumphrey) torn between his “career,” his musical aspirations, and his pregnant girlfriend (Abby Elliott). Hit the trailer after the jump and see how many of your favorite comedy players, including veterans of The State, Saturday Night Live, and Walsh’s short-lived series Players show up in the lo-fi indie comedy. (Well hello, Horatio Sanz!)
Okay, here’s a cheat sheet: Lizzy Caplan, Abby Elliott, Rob Riggle, Ed Helms, Joe Lo Truglio, Kyle Gass, Horatio Sanz, Andrew Daly, and more co-star with Pumphrey in the film, which is based loosely on a drug dealer Walsh knew once in Chicago who went on to enjoy a successful career as a writer.
Walsh, who has appeared in every single Todd Phillips movie to date, co-wrote High Road with Josh Weiner and gathered so much footage that he reportedly began editing with an eight-hour cut of the film. The 83-minute final version premieres at the Newport Beach Film Festival on April 29.
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Upright Citizens Brigade co-founder Matt Walsh (Outsourced) called on a dozen of his fellow comedians to act in his directorial debut High Road, an improvised film about a weed dealer (James F. Pumphrey) torn between his “career,” his musical aspirations, and his pregnant girlfriend (Abby Elliott). Hit the trailer after the jump and see how many of your favorite comedy players, including veterans of The State, Saturday Night Live, and Walsh’s short-lived series Players show up in the lo-fi indie comedy. (Well hello, Horatio Sanz!)
Okay, here’s a cheat sheet: Lizzy Caplan, Abby Elliott, Rob Riggle, Ed Helms, Joe Lo Truglio, Kyle Gass, Horatio Sanz, Andrew Daly, and more co-star with Pumphrey in the film, which is based loosely on a drug dealer Walsh knew once in Chicago who went on to enjoy a successful career as a writer.
Walsh, who has appeared in every single Todd Phillips movie to date, co-wrote High Road with Josh Weiner and gathered so much footage that he reportedly began editing with an eight-hour cut of the film. The 83-minute final version premieres at the Newport Beach Film Festival on April 29.
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