The Llama that goes to the Dentist!
Whoever is responsible for this Sesame St segment must have been tripping their balls off! Why the fuck does this girl have a llama in NYC? Why does she bring him to the dentist? Was his appointment before or after Sarah Jessica Parker’s? It’d be easier to decipher the meaning of life than try to figure out what the hell is going on here, but when I was a kid this made me want to move to NYC. If bitches were insane enough to bring farm animals to the dentist, I knew it was the place to be. Given that I saw some bitch walking a rabbit the other day, I was right!
The real story here is that her Christian Scientist-esque ass lets her kid see a dentist. They inject the novacaine. How has her vaccine hatred not launched an investigation here? Dental pain management methods might be causing children to end up like the kid in We Need To Talk About Kevin! That kid fucking sucked! Spoiler alert – he jerked off harder when he knew his mom was watching!
Or what if novacaine injections are making it so later on in life kids grow up to be the kind of drivers who cut bitches off across three lanes of traffic so they make their exit? Dicks. I’m surprised her kid isn’t Captain Yuckmouth Jr.
Jenny McCarthy is currently whoring a television project, so she needs to offer up some amusing bon mots about what a hot n’ fun mom she is. I see your eyes rolling like beautiful marbles!
(via Starpulse)
She explained, “It’s horrific to remember. Evan woke up and said, ‘There’s this weird thing on my gum.’ …So I called the dentist and said, ‘This is insane’. He said, ‘Take a picture of it and send it to me.’
“So I’m taking a picture of it and I’m sending it to the dentist and I sent him a nude on accident (sic)! I swear to God! The dentist is, like, 80 years old. I literally screamed at the top of my lungs.”
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Because getting two teeth pulled out of my skull a few days ago wasn’t enough, I’m going in for more dental work in a quick minute. My dentist says this work is going to take a long ass while, because my mouth is a mess. (“You need to stop brushing with dirty dicks.” – you “I wish” – me) Since we’re on the topic of messes, while I stare deep into the nostrils of a dentist, J. Harvey will fill in for me this afternoon by posting a couple or 3 posts. I’ll be back later to do Crumbs. And then after I do Crumbs, I’m going to reenact the “I’ll nevah let go!” scene from Titanic with my bong and a bottle of booze, because I’ve been told to stay away from smoking and drinking. My dentist hates me so and has a good way of showing it.
And here’s Josh Hopkins from Cougartown and James Marsden sunning their man pecs in Hawaii. I don’t know if they’re on the same beach, but I do know that they need to touch nipples in front of a camera at some point during their vacation.
Anybody who gets taken up up and away with anesthesia ends up sounding like the talking version of Courtney Love’s old Twitter account and here’s Emile Hirsch demonstrating that mess for you. Emile got his wisdom teef yanked out and uploaded the video of the aftermath. Dude is speaking my language by slurring about unicorns and shit. If you’re in NYC, take a good look, because this will be you on Sunday night when you’re laid up on an evacuation shelter cot after drinking all of the FEMA vodka (they have that, right?).
via Just Jared
Some people choose to spend their hard-earned cash on neck acne treatment or tooth gloss, but this 29-year-old plumber from Bristol decided to hand over £1,000 for Prince Wills and Kate Middleton “gnasher tats.” Barmy Baz Franks’ (only a Barmy Baz Franks would do this shit) obsession with the royal wedding led him to a dentist chair where he spent 6 hours getting tiny decals of William & Kate pasted to the front of his chompers. Barmy Baz Franks will spend the next 3 months hearing “Oh, you’ve got a little royal in your teeth” from people who really want to say “Dumbass.”
I just used my credit card to buy my dog a pair of clearance bin bunny ears, so who am I to judge someone on how they should spend their coins? But really? If you’re going to turn your built-in Chiclets (or “mouth nails” as my little cousin calls them) into a tribute to our royal teethnesses, you could at least make sure it looks like them! Prince William looks like Sarah Jessica Parker as Black Swan and Kate Middleton looks like Iggy Pop after a root canal.
And does anybody know if this dentist also does royal decals on another part of the body that is pretty much dead and could use a little dressing up with Prince Harry’s face? <— That brings a whole new meaning to “gnasher tats.“
