Greg Rutherford, the British Olympic gold medal-winning long jumper who has dubbed himself The Ginger Wizard (insert Ron Weasley’s “…the fuck?” face here).
Buzzfeed called Greg Rutherford the ginger-ized Neil Patrick Harris and I sort of see slight shades of that if I squint my eyes and play the Doogie Howser theme song, but I’m mostly just saying that shit, because I really want to see The Ginger Wizard in a doctor’s coat or with his nipples out on Elton John’s yacht. The only thing we need to know about Greg is that he won a gold for jumping into a sandbox, he looks like he’s doing the “my body is ready” pose when he jumps, he’s a ginger, he slightly chars b-holes just by fisting the air, his skin is creamier than a beluga whale’s taint, his pectoral titties frown when he frowns (see picture above) and he’s a ginger!
Who do I have to sign my internal organs over to (“Ain’t nobody want your Dollar Tree internal organs!” – everybody) see The Ginger Wizard and Prince Hot Ginge nose kiss over and over again during the Closing Cermonies? Yes, my sucio, delusional ass wants to see more, but we’ll start with the nose kiss.
If “doing the horizontal Dougie on Doogie Howser” is an item high on your cum bucket list, then let this clip from The Price Is Right teach you how to cross that shit off the quickest way possible. Somehow get on The Price Is Right, freebase a whole can of Amp to give you that “hyena getting struck by lightning” feeling and when Neil Patrick Harris walks out, immediately dry hump him until security pries you off with an electric spatula. You will probably walk away with a prize package consisting of a restraining order and a permanent block on Facebook from NPH, but the memory of watching his face contort into a state of sheer fear as you sexually assault him in public will last forever.
As I blog from the front of Mah Boo Anderson Cooper’s firehouse, waiting for him to prance out in a cloud of platinum glitter to propose to me using a ring he made with the locks of his diamond dust-covered pubes, let’s all celebrate the engagement of Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka. You know EVERYBODY and their body waxer got engaged last night and now you can add NPH and DB to that list. They announced it on Twatter last night.
@Davidburtka David Burtka
@Team_Klaine4ver I’ve already purposed, he said yes! Thank god!Davidburtka David Burtka
@Team_Klaine4ver he proposed to me as well. I said yes! Thank god!@Davidburtka David Burtka
Neil and I have been wearing rings for years. We have been engaged for a while. It did not just happen.
I wish somebody would purposed to me. No, I don’t know what that means, but I’ve got a $10 off coupon for the free clinic, zero standards and a no-no that’s been through it all so I’m up for everything!
But seriously, this is not only good news for NPH and DB, but it’s also good news for me. I can now follow in the footsteps of my gold digging heroes by marrying a senile old man for his money. I really feel like I haven’t lived up to my full potential until I’ve
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Neil Patrick Harris took a swipe at the bow tie permanently fixed on the neck of Eric Braeden (who has played Victor Newman on Young and the Restless since the stone age) on Twitter today after the latter pulled out of a guest appearance on How I Met Your Mother because he felt the role was too small. Doogie called Victor a d-bag and said Ray Wise is taking the part instead. Well, Victor Newman is not about to let Doogie slap him in the face with a white glove and so he slapped back in a statement to Entertainment Weekly. The word “whippersnapper” was used, so you know Victor is thisclose to beating a ho down.
I really don’t know who that fellow is. He’s a guy who stars in that series. It’s very unfortunate. First of all, I came back from hip surgery. I was off for three weeks. I’ve doubled my work, 30 to 50 pages a day for me, alone. Everyone knows that I’m exhausted. I was not about appear on a show for two lines, because that’s what it amounted to.
His choice of words bothered me. He seems to me like a young whippersnapper who’s received a few awards and is now suffering from the first sign of hubris. I’ve been in the business for 50 years. I’ve seen people
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The home of Neil Patrick Harris and his partner David Burtka will soon be invaded by a gigantic cloud reeking of Similac saliva, diarrhea-infused Balmex and the hot tears of sleepless nights, because their surrogate has birthed out a double dose of BABY!!!!!! NPH took to his Doogie Howser desktop, of course, to type out the announcement on his Twitter page:
Babies!! On 10/12, Gideon Scott and Harper Grace entered the Burtka-Harris fold. All of us are happy, healthy, tired, and a little pukey.
Harper Grace sounds like the name of a New England-inspired line of bed linens and towels sold exclusively at JcPenney, but the name Gideon Scott works for me. It reminds me of this kid in the second grade named Gideon who told me that I ran like a woman. He didn’t say “girl,” he said “woman,” so therefore it’s a compliment!
E! News reports that Neil Patrick Harris and his partner of forever David Burtka (who is throwing us a “Yes, Doogie checks my no-nos’ heartbeat with his peenoscope every night, thankyouverymuch” smirk in that picture above) rented themselves a prime womb and are now expecting TWIN BABIES!!!! in a few months.
A source says that NPH and David have already started making plans for a baby shower. The source also said that the “beautiful surrogate” (as opposed to a dog ass ugly surrogate) is going to give birth this October.
So far NPH hasn’t confirmed or denied if he’ll be wiping up newborn slobber (make that two servings) and drowning in a mountain of Baby Wipes (insert Terrence Howard jealous face) this fall.
If this is true, congrats to NPH and David. I’m sure their twin babies will be coo-ing and gurgling the melody to every popular show tune by the time they’re 6-months-old. NPH’s babies: Already more skilled than me and their asses aren’t even born yet!
UPDATE: NPH Tweeted today that it’s a fact that he’s expecting twin chirruns with his partner. He Tweeted this: “So, get this: David and I are expecting twins this fall. We’re super excited/nervous/thrilled. Hoping the press can respect our privacy…” And here’s hoping he names one Doogie and the other one Howser.
I always knew there was a Doogie Howser at the beginning of every DOUBLE COMPLETE RAINBOW, and now here’s proof. It’s so bright! It’s so vivid! It’s so intense! It’s making me cry! And I’m not talking about the double rainbow either. This hot bitch knows.
Source: NPH’s Twitter via TDW
