Afternoon Crumbs

"Why is that dominatrix ice sculpture blinking?" asked hundreds of party guests at Calvin Klein's Cannes party - Lainey Gossip

Oh how Ryan Seacrest wishes that the OTHER Hough was wearing this outfit instead - Hollywood Tuna

Pictures that have me wondering if I should maybe try to work out this weekend... But wait, fapping while eating a quesadilla at the same time is considered exercise, right? - The Berry  

Like the Kane and Kim are going to even last that long - The Superficial

Those wolf brows make Sofia Vergara look like my Tio Jorge - Drunken Stepfather

The shit Detective La Toya will do for a check - Jezebel

I bet a Madge vs. Goopy cat fight looks like wax-covered two praying mantises playing a super aggressive game of patty cake   - Celebitchy

George Michael got into another car crash and thankfully Snappy Snaps wasn't involved this time around - Towleroad

Edward Furlong must love hanging out with cops - ICYDK

You just can't take the Coachella out of Vanessa Hudgens - Popoholic

BUT IS PHOEBE PRICE OKAY?!!! - HuffPo

Keith Urban doesn't want to let go of the millions of dollars FOX pays him to do nothing - Reality Tea

Rooney Mara looks like the ghost of Ichabond Crane in daytime drag - Popsugar

If only we all had elegant moves like this - OMG Blog

Amanda Bynes is totally going to Photoshop her crotch on Wheelchair Jimmy's face - I'm Not Obsessed

Justin Bieber is still dressing like a rejected extra from House Party 2 - Just Jared

F/M/K time! I'd kill Charles Barkley, fuck The Rock and marry Shaq, because he's the richest - SOW

Afternoon Crumbs

James Franco's in GQ Magazine showing off his black belt fisting skills. Teen Mom Farrah doesn't know whether to close her legs or try to book James for the sequel to her porn - Lainey Gossip 

Why is an inflatable green ball with a face trying to nibble on Heidi Klum's tit? - Drunken Stepfather

When Denise Richards turned down Charlie Sheen's stack of cash for taking care of twins he just shrugged and said, "More snatch and coke for me then!" - Celebitchy

Either Emma Watson's nipple is really long and skinny or she got a hamburger grease stain on her dress - The Superficial 

Just Jack is on TV again - Towleroad

Porn Iguana or Snookitina or a little of both?- Hollywood Tuna

The morphing of Blair Waldorf and JLo was at the FOX Upfronts - Popoholic

Jimmy Choo wants Nicole Kidman's feet - Just Jared

LuMann and Aviva might not be in the next season of Real Houseflies of New York City - Reality Tea

The look on Tori Spelling's kids faces says it all - ICYDK

Douche parade and yes, I'd hit them all - The Berry 

Vanessa Hudgens either has a herp sore or one of the paps blew a fart her way - IDLYITW

B. Coop wants a lot of balls on his head - Popsugar

Carrie Underwears isn't ready to rent her womb out to a baby yet - I'm Not Obsessed

Oh...Brooke Mueller.... - HuffPo

Ling Woo > Sandra Bullock - Jezebel

$950 for a shot glass that looks like an oversized thimble from Monopoly?  - Videogum

Afternoon Crumbs

A 13-year-old Cher in her mug shot or Adam from Girls? - Towleroad

Lea Michele at a hockey game, too bad she wasn't the puck  - Lainey Gossip

It's a good thing Paulina Gretzky can have some privacy time with her pool and a cameraman - Drunken Stepfather

Jenny McCarthy pulls a Jenny McCarthy by talking about tween boners - The Superficial

Hilary Duff looks like a chipmunk stuck in a red Solo Cup - Hollywood Tuna

Katy Perry's super religious dad called her a "devil child," which would make him Satan then, right? - Celebitchy

Alternate title: Celebs With Spandex Crotch - The Berry

Goopy Paltrow just threw a duck egg at her publicist's head, because every magazine on the planet is supposed to name her the world's sexiest, most beautiful human - Popoholic

Suri must've left her post at the front door for a second, because she let Katie Holmes out of the house SANS FARDS - Just Jared

The jar of Manic Panic is in your court, Kingston Rossdale - ICYDK

But more importantly, why is Keira Knightley dressed like a toddler?   - Popsugar

Posh Beckham let Harper the 7th borrow a pair of her jeans - I'm Not Obsessed

Lil Wayne blames his seizures on epilepsy, not Sizzurp, again - IDLYITW

Georgia Salpa does her best Kim Kartrashian impression, looks better than the actual Kim Kartrashian while doing so (although, that's not saying much) - Moe Jackson

The bad shit might've killed Chris "Mac Daddy" Kelly - HuffPo

The only masters degree Backdoor Teen Mom Farrah is pursuing is one in fame whoring - RealityTea

Theme park rides made of chewing tobacco and beer.... Welcome to Lindsay Lohan's Shangri-La! - Videogum

...but twerking is better than tweaking, so lets look at the positive side of this situation - Jezebel

Afternoon Crumbs

My hero photobombs Pimp Mama Kris and does a spot-on Kartrashian Sister impersonation at the same time - Buzzfeed

Cameron Diaz probably took a weed whacker to the haunted forest on Goopy Paltrow's crotch - Lainey Gossip

Tuc Watkins will always be Dorian Lord's scheming boy toy to me and here he is talking about being a single gay dad - Towleroad

It's a good day when Brit Brit's tits are sitting in a bra and her weave looks like it just got back from the groomers - The Superficial 

Ashley Jizzdale once again proves that duckface is an incurable disease - Drunken Stepfather

Spoken look a true, bona fide Scientologist, Will Smith! - Celebitchy

The evolution of Tom Hardy - The Berry 

Shayne Lamas was recently hospitalized for stress caused by her marriage and I guess nothing soothes the nerves like a good old-fashioned staged photo shoot with your kid - Hollywood Tuna 

Avril Lavigne looks like one of the South Park vampire kids come to life - Popoholic

Screw Chelsea Handler, tell me more about her mullet-wearing sister on the far right - ICYDK

Daddy Spears needs to up Normal Guy Dave's clothing allowance - Just Jared

Pfft, White Oprah and Lindsay Lohan do this with crack smoke all the time - Jezebel

Um, to me, nothing is holier than being a Victoria's Secret Angel - IDLYITW

Katt Williams' community service sentence is a punishment to the community - HuffPo

I thought Ashton Kutcher was this country's premiere human sanitary pad - OMG Blog 

Brangelina are ruining the environment - I'm Not Obsessed

"Hey, y'all! I know y'all know my name, now where's the bar?" - Laura Jeanne Poon  - Popsugar

Melissa Gilbert got married - SOW

Afternoon Crumbs

The President of Malawi snatched away Madge's VIP card after she showed up unannounced and made the poors dance for her. The only thing I have to say is: HAHAHAHAHA  - HuffPo

Halle Berry has a type when it comes to men (hot and insane) and she also has a type when it comes to dresses - Lainey Gossip

Panty Creamer of the Day: Brendon Ayanbadejo - Towleroad

Here's David Cassidy's daughter with no pants on - Hollywood Tuna 

Here's Ashley Jizzdale with no pants on and no top on - Drunken Stepfather

Here's Hugh JackMeOff with pants on and a top on, unfortunately, but he's got wolverines with him! - Jezebel

Next time Amanda Bynes want to smoke on some good shit out in the open, she should wear a red wig so we know it's her evil twin - The Superficial 

So what lie is falling out of Kim Kardashian's lie hole today? - ICYDK

This would've been the look if Chris Hemsworth wore that vest and nothing else - Popoholic

"Babehs, how are they made?" - Halle Berry - Celebitchy

Oh, how I wish that a drunk Lindsay Lohan and a pilled-up Amanda Bynes were driving that golf cart together... - The Berry 

B. Coop and his child beard are in Paris now - Just Jared

Teen Mom Farrah's mother thinks she's way too pristine and chaste to do porn - Reality Tea 

The vase wore it better, every time - OMG Blog 

Like Jaden Smith even knows who Shakespeare is - Videogum

Speaking of Shakespeare, didn't he say that true love always blooms in the aisles of Walmart? - The Frisky 

Katherine Heigl's powers of annoyance know no bounds, because I even roll my eyes when looking at a picture of her laughing - Popsugar

Rainbow Aurora is like, "Wake me when my name isn't Rainbow Aurora anymore" - I'm Not Obsessed

Afternoon Crumbs

This exquisite portrait of Khia in a Gators towel toga needs to be the University of Florida's official seal - Crunk + Disorderly

James Franco uses over 300 words to say that he fingered himself all through Ryan Gosling's new movie - Lainey Gossip

My favorite Republican ice sculpture is starring in a play about the Prop 8 trials in Phoenix - Towleroad

Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale do a really good job of hiding their faces from the paps - Drunken Stepfather

And Goopy Paltrow went on to say, "...but still don't let that heffa anywhere near me, because if it burps in my direction I'll gain 10 pounds" - The Superficial 

James McAvoy is okay with your crotch fur, by the way - Celebitchy

So I'm still watching 90210, because I'm a ride or die bitch until the end, and there's a character on there named Adriana. They call her AID for short, so when they say they're going to her house, they'll say something like, "Hey, let's hang out at Aid's house." It makes me awkwardly laugh every time. Do the writers even realize? Anyway, here's Aid in a bikini - Hollywood Tuna 

Victoria Justice's dress has a weird growth on it - Popoholic

My day was made as soon as I scrolled down to #6 and thought that a huge, fat burrito peen was flopping out of his pants - The Berry 

Kellan Lutz is playing Hercules, because there's only so many actors in Hollywood who have six-packs on their nipples and can bench press two Hummers at a time - ICYDK

What in exploding Jo-Ann's Fabrics hell are these people wearing? - Just Jared

Barbie SANS FARDS - SOW

Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz are going to be on Broadway together - Popsugar

The National Enquirer screams out GAY SEX HORROR like it's a bad thing - Boy Culture 

Does this mean we'll finally get a Noxeema Jackson biopic? - Videogum

This is what it looks like when Jessica Alba's butt munches on her bikini bottom - Moe Jackson 

Kim Cattrall has been a diet since 1974 - I'm Not Obsessed 

Afternoon Crumbs

I really hope this cover of British GQ doesn't give those evil bitches in Hollywood any ideas, because we don't need a Pretty Woman remake and I don't need to hear Hermione Granger say, "I got a runner in my pantyhose!" - Hollywood Tuna

Rosario Dawson and Michael Fassbender might be doing it - Lainey Gossip

I think it's about that time for us to introduce Michelle Shocked to Brit Brit's old friend 5150 - Towleroad

Lindsay Lohan has a ghost face of bruises on her leg - Drunken Stepfather

And here's RiRi getting swallowed up by a sink hole - The Superficial 

Audrey Hepburn didn't think she was beautiful.... I hope nobody up there tells her that someone in Hollywood thought Jennifer Love Hewitt was beautiful enough to play her or she'll really go over the edge - Celebitchy

Hayden Panettiere wants some little treasure trollings one day - Just Jared

A star cookie necklace and a color coding sticker one piece still can't make Rachel Bilson look like she has a personality - Popoholic

St. Angie Jolie is opening up an all-girls school in Afghanistan and it'll be the perfect place for her to hunt for virgin blood - Just Jared

This list of baconified stuff is Mama June's version of Brazzers - The Berry 

Robin Thicke's publicity stunt got him more publicity - IDLYITW

Shain Gandee's family can't afford to pay for his funeral - Reality Tea

And here's the Naked Guy from Shameless being naked - (NSFW) OMG Blog

Courtney Love is hawking NJOY now, which means that NJOY will start selling an electronic heroin pipe any second - Jezebel

I love how Hayden Panettiere can make out with Wladimir Klitschko's nipple without bending down - Popsugar

Adam Levine on how he's avoiding divorce - I'm Not Obsessed

Little Bunny Doo Doo and a sedated turtle - Hollywood Rag

How did somebody record the hallucinations I had the last time I dropped acid? - Videogum

Good Friday Crumbs

Kellan Lutz talks to a hot director type on the set of his new straight-to-the-dollar-theater masterpiece and all I can scream is, "KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!" - Towleroad

Prince William has quit flying helicopters with the Royal Air Force, because he wants to focus all his energy on trying to convince Prince Hot Ginge to move to California and shack up with a certain bitter, crusty, skinny fat gay blogger (that's how I'm reading that item, anyway)  - Lainey Gossip

"I want to go to there," said Goopy Paltrow's kids as they stared at this picture of Hayden Panatroll nibbling on a bag of Oreos - Drunken Stepfather

And just like that, Kathie Lee Gifford's got a new favorite wine glass - The Berry 

Every frat boy who wore white socks with Nike sandals will file a copyright infringement lawsuit against Sarah Jessica Parker - Celebitchy

Oh how I wish this was a Ryan Gosling panty flash instead - The Superficial 

I'm pretty sure that Adrianne Palicki's dress used to be one of Michelle Kwan's skating outfits - Popoholic

Kate Beckinsale wore half of a bikini in Mexico yesterday - Popoholic

RiRi and Fist Brown broke up, take 5,678 - ICYDK

For Lil Wayne's sake, I hope Sizzurp cures epilepsy - The Marquee Blog 

Lil Wayne wrote a beautiful song that was inspired by the Kartrashians - Hollywood Rag

A roller coaster harness can't contain Mimi's glorious Hello Titties - SOW

So many "I wish Zachary Quinto was in my hole" jokes, so little time - Just Jared

Kim and Kanye Kardashian should name their baby Head West, because that's what it's going to do as soon as it's able to crawl... It's just going to crawl west until it hits the ocean and it's going to keep going until it gets as far away from all things Kardashian as possible - IDLYITW

The Duck Dynasty dudes want more money - Reality Tea 

But what about Kimmy Gibler and Vicki the Robot?! - Pajiba

Whenever I see Justin Theroux, I just think to myself that Shane from The L Word would look so much hotter in that outfit - Popsugar

Yup, computer generated people are still better at acting than Megan Fox - Videogum

I think Teresa Giudice's forehead is shrinking - I'm Not Obsessed

Afternoon Crumbs

Princess Charlene of Monaco wore this for Pope Francis the Fist's debut at The Vatican, but she probably wears this same outfit every day to mourn the death of her freedom - Lainey Gossip 

Nobody put Gucci Mane and Kim Kardashian together or he'll slip into a coma from stage 5 boredom - The Superficial 

29 pictures that make me either want to spend the day fapping or spend the day using the ab roller that's collecting dust in the corner - The Berry 

Brangie's child army can only speak French to her - Celebitchy

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin 2016! - Towleroad

.....and then the machine broke - Drunken Stepfather

IN THIS ECONOMY, it was very financially smart for Heather Graham to re-wear the dress she wore to junior prom in 1986 - Hollywood Tuna 

I'll finally get more servings of La Bruja, because The Real Housewives of Miami has started filming again - Reality Tea 

Rose McGowan or Chrissy Crocker circa 2006 after a blowout? - Popoholic

If you like feeling emotions, here's a story about Dax Shepard's dying father meeting his unborn baby - ICYDK

Rebel Wilson might be in The Hunger Games.... - I'm Not Obsessed

Why you should never take "kill it with fire" literally - Gawker

And here's Kelly Brook getting out of a car - IDLYITW

Um, being married to Daniel Day-Lewis is like fucking a different man every night, because he always takes work home with him - Videogum

Lindsay Lohan should've stolen a bra during her little "shopping" trip - Just Jared

Are Duchess Kate and the Cub Scouts making campfire churros? - Popsugar

Afternoon Crumbs

England's finest rose Instagrams a picture of the world's finest and classiest pair panties. Make sure to put on your coattails and white gloves before clicking  - Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Biel needs to take off those net pants, turn around and put them in the FedEx truck behind her, because they need to go back to the year 1997 - Lainey Gossip

Since the perforated condom trick isn't working, Jennifer Love Hewitt is going to freeze her eggs - The Superficial 

I can almost hear the pained cries from that metal ring holding Tamara Eccelstone's bikini top together - Hollywood Tuna 

Benedict Cumsinbatches sings and sort of sounds like Morrissey with laryngitis -  Celebitchy

Khloe Kardashian needs to stop scaring the Silver Fox like this - Towleroad

I really thought the first picture was of Jada Pinkett Smith - The Berry 

The Photoshoppers at Brahma Beer are still doing weird things to Megan Fox's already plastic face - Popoholic

What lezzies think of peens (sadly, they didn't ask Rojo Caliente) - OMG Blog

Jordan Catalano basically went on the GOOP diet to lose 30 pounds - Just Jared

A KUWTK producer admits the obvious - IDLYITW

I think my sister has the same pink coat as Duchess Kate, except my sister's coat is covered with cat fur, taco sauce and subway dust - Popsugar

These pictures from the G.I. Joe premiere would be so much better if The Rock wasn't wearing so many clothes - Moe Jackson 

MiserAlba is trying to be the next GOOP - Celebslam

Now if only a judge will rule that the Kardashians need to be pulled off this planet - Popbytes

But what I really want to know is what's happening to the right - I'm Not Obsessed