For reasons I will never understand even if you spelled it out for me using the ink from Mah Boo Anderson Cooper's favorite peen (Freudian slipped on purpose), the secret love child of Mrs. Swan and Ursula walked the Gaultier show in Paris yesterday without two very important things: EYEBROWS!

Beth Ditto slathers her face with every single shit found in the shoe box marked "Slutoween make-up" you keep under your bed, yet she refuses to draw upside down smiles over her eyes with a Sharpie! What have eyebrows ever done to Beth? Why doesn't she let her eyes once again experience the beautiful feeling of having twin rainbows of exquisiteness over them?

Are her eyelashes shoo-shoo-shooing them away out of jealousy? Are her eye sockets eating 'em? WHY? WHY? WHY? Bring Beth in for questioning! This crusade against brows must come to an end.