It’s brief, but the newly debuted teaser trailer for the sci-fi romance The Host is here to tantalize you with images of freaky-eyed pod people and star Saoirse Ronan’s fierce, unearthly qualities. Adapted from author Stephenie Meyer’s non-Twilight novel about a human and an alien symbiote who share the same body, The Host is headed to theaters in 2013 under director Andrew Niccol (In Time), and while this oughta give Host readers a twinge of anticipation, non-fans are likely scratching their heads wondering what Ronan’s eyeballs and the vaguely Benetton-like reel of faces has to do with anything.
Just to fill in the blanks: As Ronan’s voice over says, we’re in a future where the world’s problems have been solved. Yay! The bad news? Everything’s only kosher now because aliens have descended on Earth to invade our bodies, erasing our memories. Except when it comes to Melanie Stryder (Ronan); she refuses to shove over to let her alien “soul,” Wanderer, have full run of the place. And of course, this leads to a love quadrangle as host and alien fall for different boys (Max Irons and Jake Abel).
Have a looksie, courtesy of Yahoo:
The Host will hit theaters on March 29, 2013.
[Yahoo!]
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The most famous cross-eyed opossum in the world and former Hot Slut, Heidi, has closed her googly sticker eyes for the last time and floated off to the great big knocked over trash can in the sky at the way-too-young age of three and a half. The sores on my heart have not yet healed over Knut tragically earning a place in Oscar’s In Memoriam montage (they better not forget) and now Heidi?! QUICK. Form two prayer circles around Frankenlouie!
The director of Germany’s Leipzig Zoo delivered the sad news to Spiegel this morning. The zoo said that cross-eyed Heidi suffered from arthritis and other disorders brought on by the olds. (Mammal lesson: Possums usually don’t live past the age of 4.) They didn’t want Heidi to suffer anymore so they put her to sleep.
Ruhe in frieden (shit accent caused by Google Translate), Heidi. Your cross-eyed legacy will forever live on the face of Vienna Sausage.
Because “My Humps” just doesn’t come close to the lyrical poetry in “I Gotta Feeling,” The Black Eyed Peas are putting it to sleep temporarily and will no longer perform it live. Will.i.cant tells MTV News that you won’t be seeing Fergie sing live about her lumps and shit anymore.
“For a while, [we did] ‘My Humps’ and then it got to the point where we didn’t want to play ‘My Humps’ no more. You know, ’cause ‘I met a girl down at the disco,’ I just didn’t want to say that no more, lyrically.
It wasn’t like my best lyrically, but it was fun.”
The international nightmare called BEP that we thought would be around as long as half-time shows and Pepsi commercials exist is showing signs of weakening! The sooner they disintegrate into robot dust, the sooner Fergie can go back to making REAL music. You know, like the kind she made with Wild Orchid.
As we all know, James Cameron’s best work is not Aliens, Avatar, or Titanic, but instead his one contribution to music video history: Martini Ranch’s “Reach” video, a deliciously absurd parable about female bodybuilders and Kathryn Bigelow’s doability in a cowgirl outfit. Alas, Cameron hasn’t directed a music video since, although according to will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas, the director is going to put off Avatar 2 to direct their concert film. Um what?
The frontman tells Vibe:
“Right now we are planning our 3-D tour movie and James Cameron is directing it. We have the biggest director because we are the biggest group on the planet. The Peas are filming it in South America. People will be able to see us in the theater with the 3-D glasses and everything.”
“There will be a storyline that [Cameron] came up with, which will be dope. It’s a full-length film and it’s based around our tour activities. We’ve toured from America and Europe, to the Middle East, South America, Asia and Africa. It’s not like we go, ‘Yo, we are international, you know what I’m saying? London and Paris!’ Nah, that’s just two cities. We want to go across the planet.”
Indeed, this will be dope! (And we all know how much James Cameron loves South America.) Imagine the kitsch factor of the following video, only with Fergie and 3D:
James Cameron Is Bringing Black Eyed Peas To The Big Screen [Vibe via Slashfilm]
The Black Eyed Peas, who really need to stop huffing burnt plastic while watching Tron, may be on the lookout for a new female member soon (Martika, brush the dust off your headshot), because Radar says that Fergie Fugs is about to piss on out of there. A source says that Will.I.Am is more like Will.I.Am.An.Asshole and this makes Fergie want to chew on a meth pipe. The source also said that she kind of wants to start making babies, so she feels now is the time to stop being a Pea.
BEP will tour the summer and dates have already been scheduled for early next year, but apparently Fergie will not be joining them on the second leg. The source added, “Things have gotten really bad with Will.i.Am. And it’s not just Fergie who is clashing with him. So is the rest of the band. His ego is out of control. Fergie just wants to get away from the whole thing. And she really wants a baby with Josh. Between that and the bad blood with Will, it looks like the 2011 tour is in big trouble and she’s saying she’s going to split for good.”
Fergie already had a successful solo album and Will.I.A. does seem….Oh, you know what? Who gives a fucking meth mark on an ass cheek about this shit! Watch this video of a pepaw passed the hell out on a recliner on the back of a pick-up instead.
You know, this old dude should totally replace Fergie. And the driver should be their opening act.
