It was a bittersweet day for Matthew McConaughey on Friday. It was sweet, because his wife Camila Alves birthed out their third kid together. It was bitter, because he couldn’t pass around pink or blue joints since he’s only nibbling on leaves and drinking cups of cold air to play Ron Woodruff. Matthew busted out a smiley face while making his baby samba out of Camila’s cooch by playing her baby bump like a bongo drum, but then he quickly busted out a frowny face when he realized that he can’t take a congratulatory puff from his favorite bong.
The Texas T-Rex hasn’t said anything about his third kid on Twitter, yet, but sources tell People that Camila gave birth in Austin, TX on Friday. People’s source needs to be a better source, because they don’t know if Camila had a boy or a girl and they don’t know the kid’s name. Useless source!
Matthew and Camila’s 3-year-old daughter is named Vida and their 4-year-old son is named Levi, so I hope they did the right thing by naming their new kid Loca. If you put a little chili on your tongue and say the names Levi, Vida and Loca really fast, it sort of sounds like Livin’ La Vida Loca!
Well, at least Kim Kartrashian isn’t the only one who Kanye covers in thirty layers of fuckery. Kanye does it to himself too. During his show at Revel in Atlantic City last night, Kanye West wore two Maison Martin Margiela masks: a rhinestone one that made him look like Liberace as a dom top and a feather one that made him look like Yeti sperm. I’m guessing that Khloe Kardashian wasn’t in the audience, because if she was, she would’ve charged the stage, tackled Kanye took the ground, sunk her teeth into the back of his neck and dragged him up into her lair in the hills to mate with him while the other Yetis howled around them.
Kanye’s rhinestone mask IS the look, but that feather mask is very “owl with a mullet wearing its communion suit” or “preacher eagle.” Below is a clip from Rolling Stone of Kanye performing while looking like a bunch of doves crashed into his face (homage to Fabio?) . Why isn’t anybody in the audience throwing bird seed at Kanye’s ass?
This is what it looks like when doves cum all over Kanye’s face. But seriously, I need to stop the hate. Seeing Kanye with a face full of feathers and a face full of rhinestones is much better than seeing Kanye’s bare face. So what I’m saying is that bitch has never looked hotter.
(Pics via Complex)
It’s a shitty way to start the day when I have to wake up and say sowwwwyyy to Britney Spears and all of you that I misled yesterday before I’ve even had my first cup of Bailey’s sprinkled with coffee. The Smoking Gun said the story of Britney hopping on BIL peen and wallet jacking is FULL OF LIES. Sad face. I was so hoping to get a head shaving and a bloody crotch shot or at least an impromptu skinny dip off Pacific Coast Highway on her latest run. In my defense, it was on Radar so I just knew it had to be some actual factual stuff. Okay, that defense sucked so I don’t think I’ll be signing up for law school anytime soon.
So apparently some sick fuck named Jonathan Lee Riches, who was has been on federal probation since April for conspiracy and wire fraud, not only filed the fake complaint against BritBrit but is also at the bottom of the “Justin Beiber stoled my credit card to get a penis” and various other phony lawsuits against celebrities. I might still laugh and tip my hat to his Punk’d game, but this piece of trash drove to CT and pretended to be the uncle of the Sandy Hook shooter at one of the funerals to get his face splashed all over the news and there is nothing funny about that
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Shia LaBeouf quit humping Karolyn Pho a quick minute ago and he’s already smearing his unpasteurized peen fromage all over the body of his new girlfriend, 19-year-old Mia Goth. Shia met Mia while shooting Lars Von Trier’s art porn Nymphomaniac, and I guess she just couldn’t get enough of the five layer dip under his foreskin, because they’re dating for real now. Shia and Mia (possible couple names: MiShi, ShiMi, Shith, Shit Mi, Filthy Bums, etc….) spread their hobo love in L.A. yesterday. They look like a broke down, low-budget version of Early and Adele from Kalifornia. Shia looks like a serial killer vagrant who lives in a tent in the woods and hangs out in front of Rite-Aid during the day, and she looks like the 15-year-old he kidnapped from her family’s trailer.
But more importantly, for where are homegirl’s brows? Did they jump off of her face when she made out with Shia for the first time? Did Shia’s crotch crustaceans crawl up to her face and eat them? If Shia cared about Mia at all, he’d give her some brows. Dude has Demi Moore’s vintage muff on his face so he has more than enough hair to give Mia for some eyebrows. If you truly care about a trick, don’t let her go outside with no brows.
Gabriel Aubry doesn’t have to wear a steel face mask and an iron helmet when he goes to pick up his daughter Nahla at Halle Berry’s house, because Olivier Martinez won’t be there to pound the pretty out of his face. Gabriel’s lawyer Shawn Holley (yeah, that Shawn Holley) and Halle’s lawyer Blair Berk met in court today and came up with “amicable settlement,” so that the judge doesn’t have to declare all of them legally insane and give full custody to Jessica Lange or a pack of lions.
Halle isn’t going to try to extend the restraining order she has out against Gabriel and he gets to visit Nahla again like normal. Shawn Holley and Blair Berk didn’t give any details about the settlement, but a source (aka Gabriel using a voice changer) tells Radar that Halle agreed to keep Olivier away from the house whenever Gabriel comes to pick their daughter up. Gabriel is totally scared of Olivier and he’s afraid that if they run into each other again, Olivier is going to beat Gabriel’s pretty model face so hard that it’s going to permanently look like Olivier’s present day face. The source went on to say, “This was very important to Gabe going forward because he feared for his safety.
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Just like every part of Lindsay Lohan’s life, her latest smack down saga just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Tiffany Mitchell, the chick who had to get a tetanus shot after Lindsay Lohan knuckled her in the face, tells TMZ that they didn’t fight over Max from The Wanted, they fought over a psychic reading and a slur. I should’ve known that sooner or later this wreck of a story was going to give me an opportunity to make a God Warrior reference. SLYCICS!
Tiffany is supposedly a “prominent” palm reader and aura analyst who owns a few psychic salons in Florida. I should’ve known that sooner or later this wreck of a story would feature a cameo appearance by Florida. Tiffany says that when she saw Lindsay Lohan at Avenue early this morning, she instantly had a premonition. Tiffany’s premonition must’ve been that she was going to get a whole lot of media attention and free publicity after getting punched by a Lohan. Tiffany asked LiLo if she could give her a free physic reading and LiLo shouted at her, “Give me my space.” As Tiffany and her friend walked away, her friend heard LiLo call her a “fucking Gypsy.” The friend came at LiLo, called her
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Halle Berry, Olivier Martinez and Gabriel Aubry gave little Nahla Aubry a touching and special Thanksgiving memory this morning when all three of those crazy bitches got into a fight of words and a fight of fists. Now you won’t feel so alone tonight when you’re sitting in a jail cell after throwing a can of cranberries at one of your family members. Celebrities: They’re just as trashy as us!
TMZ says that shit between Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry have been extra tense ever since a judge shut down her plans to move to France, and shit got extra EXTRA messy this morning. While dropping Nahla off at Halle’s house this morning, something set Gabriel off and he brought the crazy upon Olivier Martinez. Olivier Martinez returned the crazy by issuing a serious beat down on Gabriel. TMZ puts it like this:
Gabriel showed up at Halle’s doorstep with Nahla for a custodial hand-off. We’re told Gabriel was inside the house when Olivier walked up to him and said, “We have to move on.”
According to witnesses, Gabriel then pushed Olivier and threw a punch at his face, but Olivier blocked it and the punch struck him in the shoulder instead. We’re told Gabriel then pushed Olivier to the ground, and Olivier cold-cocked him in the face, and a struggle ensued, ending
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January Jones dyed her hair brown and she might’ve done it to get us all talking about something other than how her baby is look really Vaughn-ish in the face - Celebitchy
Johnny Depp looks like a human version of a Santa Fe gift shop for tourists, but what else is new? – Lainey Gossip
Jessica Biel wants Justin Timberlake to direct her in a movie……. – The Superficial
How dare that Vida Guerra wear the same Halloween costume as you - Hollywood Tuna
There’s nothing sexy about that funeral wreath on homegirl’s back – Drunken Stepfather
Russell Brand interviews two Westboro Baptist crazies who look like the kind of kinky pigs you’d see trolling the troughs at a gay leather bar – Towleroad
The Hollywood Reporter’s award-winning ladies issue is missing Lindsay Lohan, because she’s obviously going to win an Oscar for Best Actress Who Would’ve Won Best Actress If Her TV Movie Came Out On The Big Screen – The Berry
Miley Cyrus wishes she looked as glamorous as Susan Powter – ICYDK
Did Jennifer Lawrence’s hairline jump back a few inches? – Popoholic
I see Cha-Ka from Land of the Lost got gender reassignment surgery and is now humping on fellow cave ho Ochocinco – Crunk + Disorderly
Is Megan
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Full Story »Readers of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight books know what happens at the end of Breaking Dawn… or do they? Movieline sat down with director Bill Condon for an all-out, no-holds-barred, spoilery chat about the shocking changes at the end of Breaking Dawn Part II that had fans gasping in theaters around the globe over the weekend — including how the filmmakers decided who lived and who died, and why if you blinked you may have missed the most earth-shattering character fates of them all.
Spoilers abound from this point on!
Now that you’ve all had a chance to see Breaking Dawn in theaters, it’s time to dive into the bounty of spoilery riches that Bill Condon left us with when he spoke with Movieline about all things Twilight. Such as:
— Deciding who lived and who died in Breaking Dawn’s horrific, head-rolling, jaw-tearing bloodbath of a (dream) battle sequence
— Walking the fine line between Uncle Jacob being just protective enough of Renesmee and being totally creepy?
— Which character’s battlefield speech was left on the cutting room floor — and which scenes will we see on the DVD?
— How much real world political commentary can viewers read into Aro’s weapons of mass destruction-seeking, warmongering ways? (Also — if Condon used the “smaller” take of Aro’s gleefully campy cackle, what in the world did it sound like when Sheen cranked it all the way to 11?)
— And, most shocking of all: Did you realize that Edward and Bella were meant to die?
PHOTOS: Stars Hit The Premiere Of Breaking Dawn – Part II
You had just finished the last of the effects prior to release, working on the Renesmee CG. Hers stand out because…
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There was this extremely hot veteran chola who worked in the front office at my mom’s job and almost every time I saw her gorgeous face, her lips were covered with skin-colored lipstick and dark brown lip liner, and her eyes were decorated with black liquid eyeliner and frosted eye white shadow. She was a Winter on top and a Fall on the bottom. That was her signature look. But one December, she told me that she wanted to debut a new face at the company holiday party and was going to spend one of her lunch hours getting her face glamoured up at one of the makeup counters at Robinsons-May. I used to go to my mom’s work after school and one afternoon I walked into the office and saw my veteran chola friend with a face that was painted up exactly the same way Kristen Stewart’s face was painted up for the AFI Festival screening of On the Road in L.A. last night. Dreadful.
She looked busted and I didn’t need to say it, because she said it for me. I think she said she looked like Witchy Poo (which was kind of funny since her signature look was kind of Witchy Poo-ish) and that she looked like she was going to a funeral, her funeral. If I didn’t know she
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