Five years ago, when Wonky McValtrex was still the reigning fame whore queen of the ho stroll, she left her front door unlocked like the dumb shit she is and that allowed the Bling Ring to slip into her house and steal a bunch of crap from her. The Bling Ring did this five times, because just like Wonky’s coochie, her house is really easy to get into. Sofia Coppola made a movie about it and that movie premiered at Cannes last night. Since Wonky has a cameo in the movie and let Sofia shoot inside her house, she went to the premiere and brought her 8-month-old boy toy River Viiperi with her.
At the after-party for the movie, Wonks told Vulture that watching the movie made her cry out tears from her one good eye. Wonks didn’t cry, because the movie made her think of the days when she was still relevant. Wonks cried, because it reminded her of all the times she was violated by the Bling Ring.
“I was really emotional watching it. During some parts of it, I literally had tears in my eyes and I wanted to cry. I knew what happened with the burglaries, but I had never actually seen it — so watching it happen, I was like, ‘Oh my God,
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While some “stars” are posing on the Cannes red carpet in $10,000 designer gowns and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of Chopard something-other-than-Chopard jooree, the true star of Hollywood posed in the doorway of a builder grade red bathroom while wearing exquisite lucite heels, the finest gown from Windsor Fashions and a stuffed animal stole. You can always count on Courtney Stodden to remind us how a real classy jewel of Hollywood does it.
Believe it or not, posing in the doorway of a bathroom in West Hollywood isn’t the sexiest thing Courtney has done lately. The porn iguana tells E! that Backdoor Farrah isn’t the only talentless, plastic fame whore who has spread her Arby’s roast beef special in front of a camera. Courtney says that she made a solo sex tape and she plans to keep it private, which is why she’s talking about it to E!.
The tape, Stodden tells us at the Shekhar Rahate fashion show in Los Angeles Thursday, is “not out in the media” nor is it on her computer, and she advises wannabe hackers not to get their hopes up.
“Hackers, don’t even go there cause you’ll find nothing,” Doug Hutchison’s wife tells us about poking around her computer.
As for what’s on the tape, it’s “just me,” she claims, adding that it wasn’t
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In the fame whore dictionary, the definition of “recluse” is totally different than the definition in the dictionary all of us use. Because Kim Kartrashian thinks that a “recluse” is a shameless 24-hour spotlight fucker who spends more time in front of a camera than behind a camera, gives the paps several servings of her knocked up kamel toe daily and poses in a bikini for the cover of Recluse Weekly (known to you and me as UsWeekly). Kim tells the UK’s Fabulous Magazine (via HuffPo) that ever since Gay Fish’s sperm fish were turkey basted up into her baby making parts, she has become even more of a recluse. Well, you can’t say the word “recluse” without saying “wreck” and “loose,” so the heffa might have a point.
“I’m definitely more of a recluse since I was pregnant. But I haven’t necessarily decided to hold myself back, it’s just preparing myself for respecting the privacy of my child and my boyfriend.
There goes Kim throwing out words she doesn’t know the true meaning of! Ho wouldn’t know “respect” or “privacy” if they were both shaped like a boomerang and tapped her on the ass cheeks in a straight-to-Vivid sex tape. Kim then goes on to say
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After watching Ray J’s trolltastic video for his musical love letter to Kanye West called “I Hit It First” and after looking at pictures from the Kartrashian’s big fat fame whore holiday in Greece, I don’t know who’s trashier and more desperate for attention?
Ray J makes a case for himself by making a video that is devoted to reminding all of us that his horse shoe dick made Kim Kartrashian the highest paid fame whore on the ho stroll. Ray J should’ve spent less of the video’s $500 budget on luxury car rentals and more on getting a better Kim klone, because that Kim look-alike is lacking. I mean, look at how the Kim klone moves around on that bed. The real Kim has never moved that much in her life. If the Kim klone really wanted to do an authentic Kim K impersonation, she should’ve laid lifeless on that bed like a garden slug that’s just been tasered. And really, nothing is more desperate than using a desperate Kartrashian for attention.
Then there’s the Kartrashian’s vacation in Greece. All of the Kartrashians (sans Kanye and Lamar) are currently terrorizing Mykonos while filming their shit show there. We should never forgive Mother Nature for this, because she had the chance to create a giant whirlpool to hell underneath the Kartrashians’ yacht and she didn’t do it.
All of these pictures are the definition of shameless from Kourtney Kartrashian thinking it’s okay to wear this
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Somebody just keeps screwing with OctoMom’s life, because when authorities aren’t investigating her for being a drunken wreck who loses her kids, she’s being investigated for cheating taxpayers out of money. TMZ says that somebody tipped off the authorities about Octo’s shady ways. They told officials at the L.A. County Dept. of Welfare Fraud Prevention and Investigation that Octo is collecting welfare even though she’s not eligible since she made $200,000 last year.
The fame whore business is obviously the business to be in, because Octo allegedly made all that money from banging herself in the most tragic fap porn ever, stripping, making appearances and whoring her child army out. Before she was making all that money, Octo went on welfare to help her to put food in the mouths of all 14 of her kids. Since Octo has 15 mouths to feed including her own, she’s eligible for public assistance if she makes less than $119,000 a year. If the person who snitched her out is telling the truth, then she’s way over the limit and is breaking laws.
Investigators have launched an investigation and have already talked to people around Octo. If they find out that she did commit welfare fraud and she’s convicted of it, she could get up to 3 years in the clink.
$200,000 is a lot of coins, but it’s not
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Since JLo was told to not show any pastry puff labia, side tit and/or ass cleavage, she copy+pasted Angie Joli’s fame whore leg move and came out to the Grammys tonight wearing a dress that was cut up all the way to the place where Casper Smart refuses to go unless she waves a $100 bill in front of it. This will show those prude bitches with tightened assholes in CBS’ Standards and Practices Department. They can ban as many body parts as they want, but JLo will still find the one body part they didn’t ban and whore the hell out of that body part, because she’s that desperate for camera clicks.
It’s a good thing that CBS didn’t try to ban “fame whoring legs,” because if they did JLo would’ve had to get attention by spreading her ass cheeks and flashing her bleached culito lips. CBS didn’t say anything about bleached culito lips.
Okay, technically Phoebe Price was born in a chicken coop in a Foster Farms in the US (not Canada) and she’s at that fame whore pumpkin patch that sells pumpkins for Halloween (not Thanksgiving), but you shouldn’t be so picky! I tried to find a picture of a shirtless Ryan Gosling pouring maple syrup all over his chest while deep throating a turkey drumstick in front of the Celine Dion monument in Quebec, but I couldn’t, so this picture of Chicken Cutlets giving birth to a pumpkin (or having a threesome with a pumpkin and a ghost) will have to do.
You know fall has officially come when you see the Great Pumpkin sliding out the exit door after he spots PP and her crew of hired paparazzi coming into the patch. (Yes, Linus, that’s the real reason why GP never shows up.) It’s just a damn shame on all levels that Patton Oswalt wasn’t there to give us another play-by-play of Chicken Cutlets glorious performance.
Happy Skanksgiving from PP, Canada!
While most of the Jackson family wrestles each other on a mountain of Michael Jackson’s fortune, we’ve all been wondering where the only Jackson we care about has been. Where was La Toya Jackson? Was Detective La Toya so deep under cover that the only way to contact her was to pass notes to Bubbles? Did crazy Randy Jackson kidnap La Toya too after realizing that she’s the crown jewel of the Jackson family and the executors of MJ’s estate would hand over everything to get her back? Has La Toya been oblivious to all of this foolery, because she’s been holed up in a German plastic surgeon’s office getting another pair of rubber testicles installed in her cheeks? The correct answer is: None of those!
TMZ says that La Toya has been missing in action, because she’s been too busy thinking with her brain unlike the others. La Toya is reading all the Jacksons and is telling them to turn down the crazy and stop fighting in public. TMZ’s source says that La Toya isn’t taking sides and is shaking her head at her brothers and sisters being fame whores by putting their family disputes in front of the cameras. La Toya has told all of them to handle this far away from the media.
Yes, La Toya is coming out of this as the sane one. You should probably hold on to something sturdy, because the sheer
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Full Story »On his talk show, The Daily Mail Show with The Silver Fox!, Anderson Cooper continued to stretch his arm out toward that Peabody Award by bringing out the factory-defected Linda Hogan Real Doll who was the 2011 valedicwhorian of Pimp Mama Kris’ Night School of Murdering Your Kid’s Childhood with Botox for Some Screen Time. We all know The Human Barbie as that Ipkiss-faced pile of melted doll skin who’s on The Daily Mail every other month for giving her 7-year-old daughter a voucher for future plastic surgery work. Well, Andy Coo had her on his show yesterday and he tried to get into her head even though he would’ve found more interesting shit if he peeked into the head hole of an actual Barbie doll. Once Anderson realized that The Human Barbie was only on his show for the free publicity (THIS IS NEW INFORMATION!), he dropped a “Bitch, Be Gone!” on her ass by telling her to sashay away. The audience’s nostrils were filled with the scent of an over-microwaved Tupperware lid from The Human Barbie getting burned by the Silver Fox.
After the show, Anderson taped a video note backstage where he said that he banished her from his stage, because her brain is not capable of producing honest thoughts and he felt that the fame whore was only there to be a fame whore. Yeah, Anderson’s light bulb takes a while to light up, but when it lights up, it REALLY lights up.
In
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Scientists studying the ongoing mating rituals of the North American sasquatch will have to get research footage from other sources, because Lamar Odom has killed E!’s Khloe & Lamar by pulling out of that mess to focus on saving his basketball career. The Dallas Mavericks pretty much put Lamar on the curb after his worst season ever and so he’s trying to up his chances of getting traded to another team by dropping the reality shit show baggage he brought to the Mavericks.
TMZ says that Khloe & Lamar’s second season will be its last. Their source says that Lamar is working with new trainers full-time in L.A. and doesn’t want to be bothered by having to fulfill his contractual obligations with E! by letting Khloe dry mount him on camera several times a day. But Lamar isn’t completely free from the clutches of Ryan Seacrest’s evil-making troll claws. Lamar will still be on Keeping Up with the Kuntrashians every now and again.
It’s always a good day when the Kuntrashian fame whore machine weakens, but Lamar is still in danger, girl. Lamar’s game isn’t down because of the cameras. Lamar’s game is down because when he goes to sleep at night, Pimp Mama Kris slithers out of the closet and feeds her black demon heart by sucking the life blood out of him through the artery in his taint. (Yes, we have taint arteries. I just tapped at mine.) PMK did it to Bruce Jenner and
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