Many, many, many breakdowns ago during Courtney Love’s “lucid movie star“phase, she dated Edward Norton and said that he saved her life. Courtney also later said that he stole $300,000 from her (Court would sue a bodega ATM if the courts would accept her case, so nothing became of that case). And now after hearing that Edward is engaged to his girlfriend, Courtney is saying that it’s about time a woman make an honest man out of him and he better start making babies before his sperm fish dehydrate and turn into jizz jerky.
At a screening for Meek’s Cutoff in NYC, Page Six told Court about Ed’s engagement news and she said, “Wow, it’s about time. He’s 41, they’ve been together for six years. He needs to have babies. I wonder what kind of ring he got her? He bought me a ruby. He has great character. He’s very political. I see him being a senator one day.“
The dealer who traded a fanny pack full of 8-balls for Courtney’s ruby now knows the story behind his favorite pinky ring.
And here’s Courtney with Eric and Melissa from Hole at a screening for Hit So Hard at the MOMA in NYC the other night. Courtney might look like a Victorian ghost from crackheads past who stole a dwarf’s ears, but I’ve seen her look worse….so yay.
Right after announcing on Twitter that her new album is coming out in March, Brit Brit left this little love note. You heard her, George Costanza, apply the Cheetos balm to your lips and pucker up:
The sexy piece on the left will hold your fanny pack for you.
Malik Turner, a 40-year-old UPS sorter who lives with his mom in Harlem and is the most eligible bachelor in the New York, if not the country, if not the world, if not the universe!
Scooping up vagina with the click of a mouse on Craigslist isn’t the way a natural born romantic like Malik wants to woo the lady of his wet dreams to snuggle with him on the top bunk in his mom’s guest room/office/craft station. Malik prefers to do it the old-fashioned way so he has posted several hand-written personal ads on telephone booths around the city. Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is how Romeo met Juliet.
Malik might be filled with a brand of delusion you thought only existed in a Lohan, but he knows how to write a personal ad. Malik’s personal ad makes Harry Potter seems like something that exists in real reality. When Malik’s kindergarten teacher told him to “dare to dream“, he took that shit a little too far.
Basically, Malik is looking for a 21-45-year-old white or Hispanic female (NO SHE-MALES!!!!) with red or blonde hair (NO BROWNHAIREDS!!!) who has big tits (NO FATS!!!!) and is a total slut (NO HOOKERS!!!). She must also be a non-smoker who goes dutch (NO GOLD DIGGERS!!!) and regularly wears daisy dukes with 6-inch spiked heels (NO SHE-MALE HOOKERS!!). Malik is hoping to find all of this in a classy lady who stops and reads personal ads on a damn telephone booth!
If you’re a 22-year-old Hispanic slut with red hair who thinks she has finally found her Prince Charming, think again. Malik is only looking for fuck times and isn’t ready for anything serious.
I’m not
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Full Story »What in the hell are they putting in Centrum Silver?! Just watching Grandma Tracy bust her bones and pop her hip is giving me arthritis in my eyelids. I can’t even do the Cabbage Patch without stopping for a water break, and this memaw is going off like she doesn’t know what a sciatica is. And she’s doing it all while wearing a fanny pack.
This just confirms that fanny packs are made of magic. Or it just confirms that Grandma Tracy keeps her speed (cut with Dulcolax) in her fanny pack.
via Videogum
Wearing one of Katie Price’s old bed skirts and a torn fanny pack, the polished gem of the UK Amy Wino attended the premiere of her boyfriend’s new movie Psychosis in London last night. Yes, Wino and Psychosis. That is easier than me on any given night of the week, so I’ll just let it skip on by…
And Wino isn’t keeping her twigs together, because she’s trying to smuggle an economy-sized Jack Daniels bottle. No, Wino is trying to make sure her liver doesn’t jump out and head for the nearest airport again. Wino hates it when that happens. She should really LoJack that bitch or at least put a toddler leash on it.
