It’s not hard to imagine the big-screen version of scenes like this week’s epic takedown on the Australian Parliament floor, in which Prime Minister Julia Gillard eviscerated her opposition party rival Tony Abbott with a 15-minute speech on sexism and misogyny. (Watch it below and revel in the glorious wrath of Gillard’s pointed and passionate tirade.)
Somewhere out there a hundred screenwriters are furiously turning Gillard’s sermon into Oscar gold, so why don’t we go ahead and predict the five Academy Award-caliber actresses at the top of the casting list when Hollywood comes calling with the inevitable Iron Lady-esque Gillard biopic?
Tilda Swinton
The British Oscar-winner certainly has Gillard’s steeliness down, but she tends to go for more morally complex and ambiguous characters with hidden frailties bubbling beneath the surface. Perfect for politics! Plus, she can make even the most mundane things — say, parachute pants or a pair of socks or whatever — into High Art. (See pic at left.) Tilda’s would be the most fascinating Gillard, that’s for sure, but there’s also…
Cate Blanchett
She’s done Mamet, played Queen Elizabeth and earned the adulation of LOTR fans for all of time — Cate Blanchett is a sharp-tongued woman of the people, an ethereally regal figure with a presence that can command a room. Or a Parliament floor. Bonus: She’s Australian and a convincingly bad-ass Oscar-winner — and she’s already tangled publicly with Australian opposition leader/watch-checker Abbott before.
Toni Collette
The Aussie actress (who earned a Best Supporting nod for The Sixth Sense) has more of a seriocomic bent than her drama-pedigreed peers, but who wouldn’t love to see the…
Psychologists have always said that the most therapeutic way of dealing with your marriage flatlining is to air out all your chapped emotions on the back alley clothesline that is reality TV. So that’s why on an episode of Jennie Garth: A Little Bit Of Country, Kelly Taylor wept her feelings out during a group therapy session with some of her girlfriends. The clip is over at People and if you watch it you’ll know it was a SERIOUS group therapy session, because they’re sitting on a rug while surrounded by floor pillows. A group of women + floor pillows = the purging of real emotions. Someone should make a Tumblr about that.
Kelly Taylor tells the floor pillow therapist that after the vampire doctor from Twatlight and the douche doctor from Nurse Jackie left her, she blamed herself for not being good enough for him:
“I think with any sort of rejection, you’re angry that you weren’t enough for that person. So I don’t know if I’m angry at myself for not being enough, or if I’m angry at him for not considering me to be enough.
This really threw me for a loop. It’s weird and sad, but I really realized through this whole experience how much I loved him, how deeply I loved him and how deeply I loved
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No, not that one — the other one: “This distinguished 250SL has a very desirable option package that includes ZF four-speed automatic transmission with floor shift, air conditioning, power steering, removable hardtop and a hidden soft top. [...] The 250SL is the rarest of the W113-bodied cars, having been built only in 1967 and 1968. Its predecessor, the 230SL, was vastly improved upon in this model, while the last of the W113 cars, the 280SL, had a slightly larger engine and improved steering. This was one of the most popular cars that Mercedes-Benz ever built, and is extremely popular with collectors. The fantastic Natalie Wood lineage makes this 250SL all the more desirable. It is expected to fetch $30,000 – $50,000.” What a steal! Cheaper than a Willy Wonka costume, anyway. [Profiles in History]
Despite the late addition of “Redemption” to the title of The Raid, there’s little to no atonement to be had in this stripped-down action movie. These characters are not here to have some kind of emotional journey, they’re here to kick ass. And so much ass is kicked over The Raid’s 100 minutes that viewers may feel a little bruised themselves upon exiting, for the most part in a good way — this is a film that serves as a remind of just how wonderfully cinematic violence can be.
Written and directed by the Welsh Gareth Evans but set in and populated with actors from Indonesia, The Raid takes place, with the exception of an introductory sequence, entirely inside a decrepit 15-story apartment building in Jakarta. It’s owned by Tama (Ray Sahetapy), an underworld boss who’s set up the structure as a safe house for criminals and drug addicts who rent rooms there when they need to hide out — the cops won’t go near it. That suggests the mission on which our hero Rama (Iko Uwais) and the rest of his elite police force have been sent has more to it than just clean-up — though when the question is asked of why now, it’s quickly dismissed.
Armed and under the command of the no-nonsense Jaka (Joe Taslim), the team methodically makes its way up from floor to floor, cuffing room occupants and securing each level, until they’re spotting by a kid who sounds the alarm, and all hell breaks loose. Tama, flanked by his two lieutenants Andi (Doni Alamsyah) and Mad Dog (Yayan Ruhian), gets on the intercom to tell his tenants they’ll have free rent for life if they take care of the invaders. Guys with guns spring out of the apartments lining each long hall, and the…
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Roxy Hardy (as played by Leilani Sarelle), Catherine Tramell’s crazy, murdering lesbian lovah in Basic Instinct. When the cinematic masterpiece from the gods Basic Instinct first came out, my young ass wasn’t allowed to watch it since my mother felt that ice pick murder, pussy shadows and Michael Douglas’ bare ass was not something a 13-year-old should see. I know, I wish I would’ve told my mother that I was going to grow up to be a big immoral slut anyway, so she shouldn’t have wasted her energies on trying to stop the inevitable.
Anyway, when I finally watched Basic Instinct, I learned that, yes, all the hype for Sharon Stone’s coochie was called for, but where was the love for the extremely hot Roxy? Roxy’s face was always set to BITCH and she taught us that breaking out 80s aerobic moves on the dance floor during the 90s is okay. Roxy also taught us how to spy on your piece on the dance floor while busting out extra sweet moves. Watch and learn (at the 2:00 mark):
Taking the focus off of a topless dude in a black vest by doing the side-to-side bob is just one of many of Roxy’s gifts.
Beyonce and Jay-Z bought an entire wing of the sixth floor of Lenox Hill Hospital for $1.3 million, because self-entitlement runs through their veins, and because they didn’t want anybody seeing their South American surrogate being shuttled in getting a picture of their precious Baby Blue Ivy. Their headset-wearing bodyguards trolled the entire floor and stopped any ordinary peon from entering the golden wing of eternal light including a father who just wanted to see his premature twin girls. Neil Coulon tells The New York Daily News that he tried to see his sick girls in the neonatal intensive care unit on the sixth floor, but Jay-Z’s goons blocked his way and banished him from the entire floor.
“Three times they stopped me from entering or exiting the NICU (Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit) and it happened once on Friday — just because they wanted to use the hallway. They should have been more strategic about it Tches are children with problems in intensive care and you’re just going to take over the hospital like you own it? All I want is an apology.
I know they spent $1.3 million and I’m just a contractor from Bed-Stuy, but the treatment we received was not okay. My wife is just terribly upset. She had a C-section. She gave birth to twins. She is sore.
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If a worm shit directly into Michael Lohan’s ear, the inside of his head would produce better ideas than the ball of mashed cold dumb in there does. This cut turd out of a turtle’s ass was put into handcuffs by the Tampa, FL police two days ago for threatening to throw his sometime girlfriend Kate Major off of a fourth floor balcony after she refused to suck his jerky dick and guess what happened again this morning? TMZ reports that just 12 hours after the dumbest bitch alive, seen below at the bail bondsman yesterday, was released from jail he called Kate Major even though the judge told him to not even think of her.
Kate contacted the police from her apartment in Tampa early this morning after she claims Michael kept burning up her cell phone by calling over and over again. The police went to interview Kate at her apartment in person and while they were there Michael called again. The police immediately went down to his hotel to arrest him for violating a condition of his release.
The last time Michael was arrested, he faked chest pains and tried to escape from the hospital when the police weren’t looking. So of course, Michael was not going to disappoint us and he busted out another buffoonery move and tried to escape from the police by
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Not since the great Hobbit dance-off that rocked Middle-earth have you ever seen tiny legs kick out scorching hot moves like this. At the Palm Springs wedding of the son of Oracle’s CEO Larry Ellison, a not knowing dude made the wrong decision of challenging Scientology’s flyest fly girl (sorry, John Travolta) to a dance war that looked like the Lollipop Guild’s remake of You Got Served. Make it rain gumdrops on Tommy Girl, because he obviously wrapped up this battle by dropping his midget crotch like the dance floor was covered with man anuses. And Tommy dropped and butt fucked the floor something special while wearing high heels AND lifts. No contest.
When Tommy accepts his trophy for winning this mess by a landslide, he better thank his personal choreographer and smooth move mentor Little Superstar:
via TMZ
Above is somebody’s Romanian grandmama straight-up falling out of her good shoes after trying to conquer two tiny steps and losing. Below is everyone’s least favorite long-donged douchehole eating floor with his butt during a show in Indianapolis last night. Watch and compare:
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The Chris Brown one is making me HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA until my keyboard goes hoarse. Watching Chris slip and bust his ass feels like two tiny kittens hugging my eyeballs. What a beautiful sight. The only way this could’ve been better is if the falling satellite played the role of Chris Brown’s ass and Chris Brown’s head played the role of the stage floor during a reenactment of this minutes later.
The other video, I refuse to laugh at. I REFUSE! I have been trained to swallow down any laugh crawling up my throat over a granny going BOOM. My abuelita once crashed through a screen door and the first thing she did after adjusting her control-top hose was to check to make sure that not even a sliver of a smile was on my face. So I must not laugh at this Romanian memaw’s hair cape hilariously flying through the air as she does the twist onto the floor. This is a setup and I will not fall for this trick!
That being said, all points go to the Tumbling Romanian Grandma!
via Best Week Ever & TMZ
One of the highlights of yesterday’s Comic-Con events was definitely the panel for the Amazing Spider-Man, where director Marc Webb and stars Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone and Rhys Ifans took the eager fans on an emotional Hall H journey. There was laughter, there were almost tears and there was terrifying footage of The Lizard. In cased you missed it, check out the highlights below.
1. Andrew Garfield shows up in a low-quality Spider-Man costume in Hall H audience “as a fan,” delivers heartfelt message and nears tears in a very un-superhero moment.
While Hall H waited eagerly for the Amazing Spider-Man panel to begin, a costumed “fan” hijacked the mic and began stuttering something about how it was his dream to come to Comic-Con dressed as Spider-Man. The moderator halfheartedly objected, “We’ll take questions at the end” but fan Spidey continued…until he ripped off his mask to reveal that he was indeed Garfield. Then Garfield pulled out a sheet of paper and nervously read a prepared speech thanking Stan Lee, Spider-Man, the fans, etc. Check out the sincere moment below.
2. Andrew Garfield jokes that he called Tobey Maguire every night during production for support.
When asked how often he spoke to Maguire while shooting, Garfield joked, “Every night. He was like a hotline. Like a suicide hotline. No, he didn’t offer much. […] No, I didn’t speak to him during shooting. I spoke to him after.…
