Greg Rutherford, the British Olympic gold medal-winning long jumper who has dubbed himself The Ginger Wizard (insert Ron Weasley’s “…the fuck?” face here).
Buzzfeed called Greg Rutherford the ginger-ized Neil Patrick Harris and I sort of see slight shades of that if I squint my eyes and play the Doogie Howser theme song, but I’m mostly just saying that shit, because I really want to see The Ginger Wizard in a doctor’s coat or with his nipples out on Elton John’s yacht. The only thing we need to know about Greg is that he won a gold for jumping into a sandbox, he looks like he’s doing the “my body is ready” pose when he jumps, he’s a ginger, he slightly chars b-holes just by fisting the air, his skin is creamier than a beluga whale’s taint, his pectoral titties frown when he frowns (see picture above) and he’s a ginger!
Who do I have to sign my internal organs over to (“Ain’t nobody want your Dollar Tree internal organs!” – everybody) see The Ginger Wizard and Prince Hot Ginge nose kiss over and over again during the Closing Cermonies? Yes, my sucio, delusional ass wants to see more, but we’ll start with the nose kiss.
In news that has stabbed a bloody hole into my faith in the growing legacy of gold diggers, TMZ reports that Russell Brand won’t pick up a shovel and dig into Katy Perry’s mountain of millions. Russell and Katy didn’t sign a prenup before they ruined their lives by getting married and so if he wanted to, he could try to wrap his wallet around half of the $44 million she made during their 14-month marriage. But Russell (read in the voice of Kandi from Real Housewives) is an independent woman, doing it for himself and doesn’t want Katy’s money. That burn Russell just felt in his dick, wasn’t one of his genital warts popping on its own again, it was the spirit of Anna Nicole Smith kneeing him in the crotch for being such a dumb bitch!
Russell’s lawyer filed final divorce papers in court yesterday and made it clear that he wants to walk away with only the money he made during their marriage. Once source put it like this: “This divorce is as amicable as it gets, and Russell was a mensch (Yiddish for a good person).”
What is the Yiddish word for puto estúpido, because that’s what Russell Brand really is. Russell has a plate of $22 million dollars in front
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Bravo has confirmed that a shovel’s best friend Camille Grammer is one of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (which premieres in October). The cast list is the same one that floated around a few months ago, but Bravo now has bios and a video! You can read all of their bios here, but there’s only one your eyes need to grace.
I am going to memorize the hobby portion of Camille’s bio word for word tonight, so I have something to say to stranger dudes at bars who ask me what I’m into. Well, usually I answer with “suck, spit, swallow, blow, sit, spin, eat, lick, puke, chew”, but sometimes that makes the dude slowly back away while covering his mouth with the bottom of his shirt. If he does that, I’ll recite Camille’s hobbies to lure him back. If it works for Camille…
Camille Grammer - Camille is a multi-talented model, actress, dancer, and advocate, who calls Beverly Hills her home. Grammer began her career as a dancer on Club MTV. She was married to sitcom star and icon, Kelsey Grammer, for 13 years. Together, they have a daughter, Mason, and a son, Jude. Camille and Kelsey own a production company, Grammnet Inc., which produces the shows “Medium,” “Girlfriends” and “The Game.” She has appeared on both the big and small screens. Most notably, in the Halloween episode of Frasier, in Betty Thomas’ “Private Parts,” and Woody Allen’s “Deconstructing Harry.” She has also appeared as a dancer in several music videos. Grammer was featured in the HDTV video dream sequence in David Niles’ Broadway show “Dreamtime”
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