In the wake of the Kristen Stewart cheating bomb that dropped today, at least one PR pro thinks Stewart’s subsequent apology stinks of forced reparations. Meanwhile, gossip maven Lainey Lui zeroes in on the repercussions of the Twilight star issuing such a perplexingly earnest-sounding mea culpa after years of fiercely protecting her private life from outside eyes: “Kristen Stewart has been neutered. She’s officially owned now. She belongs to them. And she belongs to us.”
Continued, from Lainey Gossip: “You don’t want to answer questions about your private life? But you just gave me every reason to ask about your private life because you told ME how sorry you are, sobbing through your words, that you may have ruined your love. One day you’re diving into the dumpster avoiding photographers when I want to see a picture of you holding hands with your boyfriend, the next day you’re begging me to understand that you made a bad judgement call, essentially pleading for my forgiveness. Who turns down power when it’s presented to them? Certainly not me. Certainly not us.”
Lainey’s been covering the Twilight beat within the larger celebrity world for years now, and she’s always come across as one of the realest-talking gossip fixtures in the biz. Here she nails Stewart’s PR predicament precisely on its head: In a nutshell, one of Hollywood’s most hounded celebrities has uncharacteristically and without prompting pulled back the curtains on her private life — and how — and judging by how her People exclusive apology reads it seems like she was thinking about as strategically as a plaintive, emotional teenager, not the megastar who just months ago swore she didn’t care about those who “want to…
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So many actors in Hollywood find themselves to be on the receiving end of malicious gay rumors, and for some subjects of the gossip, they are true. For others, they are not.
There has a long been speculation about the sexuality of this actor, and it’s a rumor that has dogged him throughout his career. So, can you imagine our surprise then, to discover that the said actor actually falls into the minority of those wrongly accused of being in the closet?
But while we can 100 per cent confirm that he likes women, there is a one teeny problem: As much as he likes to wave his magic sword around, it, err, falls into the micro category.
As one person with knowledge revealed: “He falls embarrassingly short in that department.”
And an ex-girlfriend backed this up , previously telling a friend, “Oh, it’s so tiny!” when asked about her lover’s manhood. (Celebzter via Blind Gossip)
The “magic sword” clue points me directly to DanRad, but I don’t think the rumors that he likes to tap his crotch wand on man ass have been following him throughout his entire career. At one point, weren’t we all like, “He’s a British wizard! They all seem like they’re here for peen.” And I wish I could confirm or deny that DanRad’s got a cat dick, but I can’t even though I was in
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Go ahead and throw this one in the file marked: The most WTF couple news since we learned that wolf sperm can fertilize pony eggs.
Frank Buffay, Jr. and Scientologist, Giovanni Ribisi, married British model type Agyness Deyn in Los Angeles over the weekend. Since I’m not really up-to-date on all Giovanni Ribisi (Side note: That name is really hard to type. That is a copy + paste name. That bitch’s parents are really selfish for giving him a name that puts strain on a dumb ass gossip blogger’s fingers!) gossip, I had no idea that he and Agyness were licking on each other’s wet parts. But apparently, GR broke up with Cat Power not too long ago and started getting on Agyness. And now he’s married. GR’s publicist confirmed the random as all hell news with HuffPo.
These two just don’t make sense to me. GR looks like a middle-aged alcoholic insurance salesman who spends his lunch break drinking bottom shelf whiskey out of a paper bag across the street from an elementary school playground (aka a pedo hipster). And she looks like the love child of Tea Leoni and a turnip to me. I don’t know how this happened, but whatever. I’m all for bizarre couples, which is why I hope La Pequena and Quween on the Scene elope next.
Here’s GR wearing a wedding ring at the TED premiere in L.A. last night.
I guess Keebler is making silicone titty bags for elves now, because Hayden Panatroll’s got a pair and they’re covering her chest with shades of Tori Spelling – The Superficial
ScarJo admits to sucking on Sean Penn’s dehydrated crotch noodle, which is not something someone should ever admit – Lainey Gossip
Strangely enough, this is also where Suri Cruises come from – Towleroad
Slow day on the ho stroll = the paps taking pictures of She-Pratt - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
No, RPattz doesn’t want to take his shirt off, because he knows the Twihards can sniff out his nipple meat from ten miles away – Celebitchy
Gluten-free weed and penis cakes does a chipmunk’s body good – Hollywood Tuna
Adam Levine is flattered by Jennifer Love Hewitt the same way Steve Rodgers was flattered by Wiener Dog – ICYDK
Hayden Christensen’s hairy Canadian bacon nipples for your pleasure – Popsugar
It’s probably just me, but Jennifer Lawrence is looking a little Zellweger-ish in this picture. B.Coop’s next beard? – The Berry
I am only okay with a Sabrina the Teenage Witch remake if Jocelyn Wildenstein plays Salem – Videogum
If I had a crack rock for every time Dreamboat went to rehab, I’d probably be in rehab with Dreamboat –
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Ryan Gosling needs less Urban Outfitters in his life – IDLYITW
Out of all the hos from a girl group, Prince Hot Ginge goes with a trick from The Saturdays? Couldn’t he have gone with an Atomic Kitten or a Sugababe at least? – Lainey Gossip
Len Goodman now knows why the front row at DWTS smelled like desperation with vanilla undertones – The Superficial
RJ Berger likes peen – Towleroad
Spaz de la Huerta won’t stop until you’ve seen ever inch of her labia – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Countdown to a Clint Eastwood and Dina Eastwood divorce, because nothing kills a marriage like a reality shit show – Celebitchy
It looks like Mimi squirted all over Evelyn Ocho Cinco’s back – Hollywood Tuna
Miley Cyrus posing in front of the wooden fence she started chewing on three seconds after this picture was taken – Popoholic
This is why I break the zoom button on all my cameras – The Berry
Mr. Big got married – ICYDK
If that isn’t a “Why the fuck did you name me Hawkins Crawford Romo” look, I don’t know what is – Popsugar
EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAAAA - The Daily What Gossip
Today’s butt show brought to you by Charlie Hunnam - (NSFWish) OMG Blog
Is Blahna Del Taco’s upper lip trying to escape? – Moe Jackson
Charlize Theron looks hot, part 3,208,763 – I’m Not Obsessed
Posh’s anime wolf brows are not the look – Cityrag
Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but Alec Baldwin is threatening to quit the bitch that is NBC again – SOW
How many paid pieces does it take to get Xtina out of a car? - Hollywood Rag
Selena Gomez and The Lesbeaver have a totally not staged moment in Griffith Park and I’m sure somewhere nearby a yorkie just got snatched out of its backyard by a mountain lion. Where are your priorities, mountain lions?! – Popsugar
Either Prince Hot Ginge is buying me a plastic flower bouquet since he knows I’m allergic to the real thing (no, I’m not) or that’s the strangest front for a weed shop I’ve ever seen – Lainey Gossip
But more importantly, what was in that pill bottle next to Madge’s cake? MDMA or fetus teeth? – Towleroad
BREAKING: This is actually the most clothes I’ve seen on Cindy Lou Who in a good minute – Hollywood Tuna
In case you needed more of Lara Flynn Boyle’s melting face – The Superficial
Um, can you buy tweezers and a brow waxing kit with an EBT card? – Celebitchy
Emily Blunt in Elle UK – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Katrina Bowden in FHM – Popoholic
Charlize Theron in Vogue UK – ICYDK
Halle Berry in the hair of my elementary school friend Armando – Just Jared
The Pepsi Girl’s brother is not going to be in Quentin Tarantino’s next movie – The Daily What Gossip
2015 is the year Jessica Simpson will eventually
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Scenes from Jerry Lee Lewis’ 7th wedding: You know it’s forever love when the bride looks exactly like the groom in drag – Hollywood Rag
This is one of those times when I really wish I was Micaela Schaefer’s father, so that I could clutch at my chest while saying, “Ich bin so stolz.” – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Ben Affleck is back to sucking on fags – Celebitchy
My vote for Nora in the The Thin Man remake goes to Johnny Depp in drag – Lainey Gossip
The Empress of Lucite does it better. Always. – The Superficial
Stacy Keibler B.C. (Before Clooney) – Hollywood Tuna
A gay hating, cane-wiedling, batshit crazy granny ain’t the one – Towleroad
Somewhere, somehow, someone is Photoshopping a peen over that hot sauce bottle – The Berry
Watching the workers put up that background was probably more exciting than watching Ashley Greene pose in front of it – Popoholic
Poke at me when there’s a Rhythm Syndicate reunion – The Daily What Gossip
Beyonce can keep that tacky crib, I’ll take the delivery dudes – Crunk + Disorderly
Halle Berry really wants you to see her engagement ring – Popsugar
Elton John wants his EVERYTHING (even the wig) back – ICYDK
The CGI Calista Gingrich looks more lifelike than the real life Calista Gingrich – OMG Blog
Shampoo: Ben Affleck finally discovered it – Just Jared
Obi-Wan Catnobi – Cityrag
The universe got stoned one night and somehow decided that Robbie Williams should be a father - I’m Not Obsessed
This singer appears to have the perfect marriage, despite the initial controversy that surrounded her union. A baby, a doting husband….oh, wait, he isn’t so committed as it would appear. In fact, he still secretly hooks up with his ex. If more proof is needed that a leopard never changes its spots, then this would be it. Hint: She has recently, recently been in the spotlight. (Celebzter via Blind Gossip)
Alicia Keys & Swizz Beatz? Dionne Warwick and all her Psychic Friends could’ve seen this coming. Alicia is a new kind of dumb if she didn’t think that at one point in her marriage her nostrils would be inhaling unfamiliar cooch fumes coming from her husband’s dick.
Which former Disney kids were caught on video doing cocaine with the actress daughter of a famous Hollywood star who’s currently battling her own addiction problems? The young stars were caught on cell phone cameras at a house party, where they were snorting lines as they giggled at old episodes of the show that launched their careers! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)
Rumer Willis, Miley Cyrus and somebody else? I bet Rumer could cut a serious line with her chin.
What C list wannabe hip hop singer/and “actor” scored drugs for his now dead ex-girlfriend before she died? (CDAN)
Ray-J & Nippy? Hell
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This A-List actor shed his substance abuse problems to become a Hollywood role model for clean living, but now it seems he has a new addiction—cross-dressing! He loves to doll himself up in vintage women’s clothing and has spent more than $10,000 on items such as high heels, dresses, fancy hair accessories and hats. The goods are ordered online (using an alias) and delivered to his manager’s house. (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)
I just got the vapors from picturing Robert Downey Jr. leaning against the doorway of his boudoir while wearing pink lace panties, white satin heals, a Raquel Welch wig, and a marabou feather robe. If that image is not bringing you to your knees, then picture RDJ’s butt stubble peaking out of those pink lace chonies. I know, right? You just sashayed away to the nearest CVS to buy smelling salts.
This Oscar-winning ladies’ man has taken his obsessive and out-of-control sex life to new levels. The heterosexual comedian/actor/singer is so insatiable that he’s started turning tricks with men! Who is the newly bisexual star? (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)
The only dude comedians who have won Oscars are Red Buttons, Robin Williams, George Burns and Jamie Foxx. Red Buttons and George Buttons are up in heaven, so they’re out. Even though I’d need to take
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JoJo is back and she’s brought the Dlisted-famous Slut Dress with her! – Popoholic
Nicole Kidman needs to start Botoxing her hair too – Lainey Gossip
Matt Boner will play Darren Criss’ older brother on Glee and I hope this means we’re finally getting the incest storyline we’ve been waiting for – Towleroad
Demi Moore is smoking salvia now and I’d really like it if we can just get to the part where we find out that the ghost of a junior high school junkie has possessed her body - The Superficial
Jessica Simpson’s necklace still looks like a turd on a t-bone steak to me – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Aaand a blind item might have its answer – Celebitchy
RiRi’s nipples for the zero of you who haven’t met them yet – Hollywood Tuna
So three twats walk into a restaurant together… – Popsugar
And Madge still out-roids them all without the help of Photoshop – The Berry
I like how Olivia Wilde’s necklace is pointing to her titty situation – ICYDK
James Franco as Hugh Hefner - Just Jared
Jude Law and his newest piece are trying to be slick - I’m Not Obsessed
Shit Samuel L. Jackson Says – Cityrag
KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! - Celebslam
Chicka-chickaaaaaah – The Daily What Gossip
Nick Nolte has the right idea – SOW
Swizz Beatz or an Upper East Side socialite who just got back from Morocco? – Crunk + Disorderly
