Shakira’s wearing the sparkliest blood clot I’ve ever seen - Hollywood Tuna
Justin Timberlake’s got a new beard – Lainey Gossip
In Russell Brand’s defense, usually the dirt grease around his fingers causes his wedding ring to slip off by itself anyway- The Superficial
That sad moment when you find yourself jealous of an unborn baby who will get to sit next to ASkars at the Christmas dinner table – Celebitchy
Please tell me Madge has a needlepoint pillow with a pug on it in her sitting room – Towleroad
Today’s episode of STUNT QUEEN Nipple Slips starring AnnaLynne McCord – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Thankfully, Marie Claire used the de-Snooki tool on Xtina – Popoholic
Today is your lucky day if you’re in the market for a mixture of pool water, jizz from a pool boy and the ass juices of Scientology’s reigning princess – ICYDK
Zoe Kravitz is still with that Muppet from Gossip Girl - Just Jared
Drew Barrymore sort of looks like she’s got cotton mouth on InStyle – Popsugar
Sometime in the near future, Lindsay Lohan and White Oprah go on a mother/daughter bonding walk together – Hollywood Rag
More shit, this time with lesbians! – Cityrag
It’s nice knowing that I’m not the only one who throws out a “bless you” at my dog when he sneezes - Four Four
Knocked Up: Molly Sims is! - I’m Not Obsessed
Where The Wild Skanks Are – Crunk + Disorderly
Emma Stone wishes – Videogum
When the food plays with you – The Daily What
Lindsay Lohan’s teeth in that first picture remind me that I need to go and floss my ass crack – The Berry
He’s a big movie star. She’s had one really major role, and is already booked for half a dozen new projects. You probably already know that they are dating. What you may not know are the facts behind the pairing. It’s a public relations set up. She is bisexual. He is gay. In fact, his ex-wife left him because she found him in bed with another guy! But for now, together, these two attractive actors make for crazed paparazzi and great photo ops. Well, that is, at least until their contract expires in a couple of months. (Blind Gossip)
Bradley Cooper & Zoe Saldana? That question mark has a slight squint on it, because Zoe Saldana has had more than one really major role. The bitch gave a breakthrough COGS-worthy (Critics Choice, Oscar, Golden Globes, SAG Awards) performance in the art house masterpiece Crossroads. We shouldn’t disrespect her like that.
And you know, we should have contracts for all kinds of relationships not just the beardy ones. It would be so much easier if I knew the exact date I was going to get dumped instead of it creeping up on me. The worst is when you’ve just had your ass crack waxed thinking you’re going to get some and the bitch dumps you that day. You’re left with a broken heart and a sexy time-ready ass crack that’s not going to get sexy
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Over New Years, this C list actress told her A/B list musician boyfriend that she is pregnant. The pregnancy would probably cause huge headlines and affect each of the star’s careers. Right now the two are debating whether to secretly go ahead with the pregnancy or to terminate it, but either way they want to keep it secret, mostly because of their age. (BuzzFoto)
This is the part in the after-school special when The Lesbeaver busts into his rendition of “Papa Don’t Preach” while wearing a “Canadian Fetuses Do It Better” half shirt.
Everyone knows this cute actor, although you might be hard-pressed to name more than one role he played. He finally got engaged to his girlfriend right around Christmas, but there hasn’t been any announcement yet. Why not? It’s because he’s hoping that some entertainment news program or gossip magazine will slip him a little extra money for the exclusive. Although he is gorgeous, we’re not sure he is gossip-worthy enough that a prominent show or magazine would have slated him as their lead story or their cover. Oh, wait! We take that back. There is one TV show that just might make him their lead story. (Blind Gossip)
Slated = Slater = Mario Lopez. The only way a magazine should pay for this epitome of WHO CARES? news is if Mario takes a cover picture with
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I am thankful for my cholita cousins who always taught me that should a freak bleach accident ever take my eyebrows, I can always replace them with help from a Sharpie, so I don’t resemble an Alien Nation extra like Molly Sims here – Hollywood Rag
But for why isn’t that checker lady curtsying at the sight of Duchess Catherine? Off to the gallows with her! – Lainey Gossip
Pimp Mama Kris has put the Kuntrashians on media lockdown. Will somebody please wrap the lockdown key in pie dough and feed it to Khloe? – The Superficial
If David Cross’ groom suit doesn’t only consist of blue skin paint, I will have a disappoint – Celebitchy
Darren Criss’ upside down widows peak eyebrows on the How To Succeed… poster – Towleroad
Michael Assbender sings! - Lainey Gossip
Emo Raccoon is still Emo and still a raccoon – Hollywood Tuna
ScarJo looks like a post-op Max Headroom on Interview Magazine – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
This list of opposites attract is incomplete without Skat Kat and Paula Abdul - The Berry
Reese Witherspoon’s got a butt chin on her crotch – Popsugar
Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s latest piece looks like an Eva Mendes/Keira Knightley hybrid to me –
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What former C-list actress-turned-reality star has rekindled a past romance with a famous rock star and is now asking him to adopt her youngest child? The blonde beauty, who receives a hefty child support check for her other kids, is trying to secure a little financial security for her latest tot! (Blind Gossip)
Denise Richards and Richie Sambora? Just when I start to think that motherhood (and an obese child support check from Charlie Sheen) has convinced Denise Richards to quietly retire from the gold digging game, she dusts off her shovel and sticks it into another pile. Damn, she’s good.
This starlet has hooked a lot of buzz and if her new movie is as big as we think it will be, she’ll soon be on the A list. She has been hero-worshiping the director of the film (big name/lots of good movies) for years, but now they’ve taken it to the next level. Lots of dirty texts and a strangely close relationship that is creeping out cast and crew. Not sure if they’ve bumped the uglies, but it seems inevitable at this point. (BuzzFoto)
Rooney Mara and David Fincher? Exhibit: A.
This director doesn’t have a reputation for engaging in tomfoolery on his sets, and this starlet has no reputation at all, yet they’ve been raising eyebrows with their vaguely off-putting
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This newcomer is hunky and talented and has landed at least two very desirable lead roles in the past two years. While they may not have been huge box-office successes, they definitely gave him a higher profile in the industry.
His publicists are having a problem with him, though. He started out his career as an openly gay man. And now they are having problems pushing him back into the closet. After all, how can he land the big action leads if people know he’s gay? So, he’s been given a beard, and recent interviews have contained awkward snippets of him talking about his relationships with women, and the kinds of things he does to impress his dates. Um, sure. (Blind Gossip)
Luke Evans? Exhibit: A.
If this is about Luke and he does want to reserve a ticket back to the closet, then he should just do the opposite of what that crazy rugby player did. You know, that straight rugby player who says he had a stroke and it shook a taste for peen into his being. Luke should say he slipped, hit his head and it knocked the dick off of his brain and now he’s totally straight! Everybody would believe that.
This well known actor from the Twilight franchise is set to come out. He wanted to do it in this round
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Which “Bravo Housewife” is known for letting her precious little pooch poop inside swanky Neiman Marcus department stores? The annoyed staff have been given strict orders to bite their tongues because the classy lady drops a pretty penny on designer duds! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)
95% of the Housewives get their prepaid Capital One cards rejected at Filene’s, so that leaves us with Lisa Vanderpump and Giggy from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills! Giggy always stumbles around like my drunk uncle with arthritic knees, so I’m surprised he can actually build up the strength to push out a butt nugget. I was under the impression that every so often he gets the heaves, and Lisa has to flick him on the back forcing a ball of piss, shit and vom out of his mouth. That’s he disposes of thee waste. Guess I was wrong. But Giggy is a jewel in a sea of trash so he can go caca wherever he wants. And by “wherever” I specifically mean that nasty witch Kyle Richards’ hair.
This diva had a little too much to drink at a recent Halloween party. She was fine until someone brought up the name of another female artist. Our diva began mocking her rival. When someone made the mistake of coming to the rival’s defense, our diva went ballistic, and started screaming at them: “That
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Which two celeb couples may soon be embroiled in a scandal? The superclose group spent holidays and vacationed together for nearly seven years, and now rumors are swirling that one of the hubbies and his best pal’s wife are involved in a heated twosome. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)
Gordon Ramsay and Becks are photographed together a lot so…..?
Gordon plays a gigantic rage ball of hot assholes on TV so I bet he likes to get dominated and shit when the lights go down. Can’t you just picture Posh screaming “Move your ass, you useless donkey!” at him while he crawls around naked? Yeah, me neither.
Which perky All-American actress has had so much cosmetic surgery that producers on her comeback film added a clause in her contract that she can’t get nipped or tucked until after the movie’s release? She’s desperate to make her way back to the A-list, but movie execs fear when the film comes out no one will recognize her on the big screen. (Blind Gossip)
Meg Ryan? It’s not even possible for her to pull that mess anymore. If she pulls the top of her face, the bottom part would snap off and go rolling up.
This takes some moxie. I guess this guy is a celebrity. Maybe reality star would be better? Producer? In the world of reality he
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The acting world is still suffering from shortness of breath brought on by Amanda Bynes pressing pause on her acting career for a second, and now it will completely have to deep throat a 10-inch long asthma inhaler over award-winning thespian (by “award-winning” I mean bitch hasn’t won shit) Taylor Momsen hanging up her “acting” skills forever. Cut to the sad image of Meryl Streep passing a torch to an empty space, because Taylor Momsen isn’t there to grab it.
The post-seizure dumpster panda tells Elle Magazine that she’s quit acting, quit Gossip Girl and will devote all her time to duct taping her nipples in the name of rock.
ELLE: And any acting projects planned?
TM: I quit acting, actually. I quit Gossip Girl and now tour and am in a band and that’s pretty much all I want to do. Hopefully I’ll be able to only do that for the rest of my life.
Bitch, stop. You know Gossip Girl quit you, because they were sick of wasting money on paying hos to scrape off the gorilla anus rings from around your eyes before getting you into make-up. But seriously, Taylor is making the right decision. When you’re acting skills make Blake Lively look like an actual human being that processes actual emotions in her working brain, it’s best to go out on top.
And Gossip
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These two young gay actors have been boyfriend and boyfriend for a several years now. One is on a young adult drama, the other on an older housewifey series. For now, the two just pretend to be best friends, with no public PDA.
While Drama Guy is still closeted, Housewifey Guy is all but out. Ever since Drama Guy and his blonde beard “broke up”, Housewifey Guy has been putting the pressure on to come out publicly. He doesn’t even bother with beards, and wants Drama Guy to quit pretending he’s straight, too. Drama Guy is toying with the idea and has been polling his friends and a few select colleagues to see if they think that now is a good time to come out. His biggest opponent so far? His blonde ex, who worries that her popularity may suffer if she is exposed as a beard. (Blind Gossip)
Penn Badgley from Gossip Girl and Bree’s big gay son (real name: Shawn Pyfrom) from Desperate Housewives is kind of too obvious, right?
Penn registers on my relatedtothemonchhichis radar, but he’s never really registered on my gaydar. But I’m still going to go with Penn and Shawn, because Blake NotSoLively as the blonde beard makes sense. That lazy-faced trollop ruins everything.
This movie actress used to be on the cusp of A list. Now, she is still a B, but, will probably stay there
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