Stephen Baldwin was arrested for not paying taxes 4 years ago and it looks like during that 4 years he’s been regularly practicing his Blue Steele face in the mirror so he’d be extra ready for the mug shot camera. That sweet pucker really tops this off. - The Superficial
ScarJo’s new piece looks like the gay French version of her last piece – Lainey Gossip
Wait, so all gay nurses don’t keep a tube of lipstick on them just in case a patient needs a touch up? – Towleroad
If you put polyester wigs on Mary Carey’s tits and painted creepy eyes on them, they’d almost look like Marie Osmond’s dolls – Hollywood Tuna
Jessie J is still allergic to pants – Drunken Stepfather
Neil Lane?! Angie Jo and Brad Pitt are obviously classy enough to realize only Bed Bath & Beyond sells the finest wedding jewelry out there – Celebitchy
Jessica Biel and high fashion go together like Justin Timberlake and movie acting – The Berry
Amanda Seyfried’s belt looks like some kind of cow bone. Call PETA! – Popoholic
When are we going to find out that Taylor Swift actually Super Glued her hand to Harry Styles’ hand? – Just Jared
Something tells me Shenae Grimes’ fiancé is going to call
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Don’t expect Papa Joe Simpson to declare “Yup, I Love Dick!” on the cover of Christian Today anytime soon, because even though that Sweet Valley High sweater and peroxide highlights say otherwise, he claims his tongue doesn’t get extra tingly around twink butt. The National Enquirer started all of this when they said that Papa Joe’s marriage to Tina Simpson ended after he admitted that he’s gay all the way. Then a leased twink came out and said that he 69′ed with Papa Joe on the carpet of a luxury hotel room in NYC. But Sugar Daddy Joe is telling everyone around him that The National Enquirer is spreading lies. Papa Joe wasn’t sucking on that twink dick because he’s gay. Papa Joe was sucking on it because he suffers from acid reflux and that twink dick was pushing the gastric acid back down. Twink dick IS nature’s Tums.
According to TMZ, Papa Joe calls the gay stories “ridiculous” and none of them are true. Some of TMZ’s sources think Papa Joe is telling the truth and others believe that he’s just doing the backstroke on a river of denial.
On one hand, that outfit is a coming out outfit if I ever saw one. On the OTHER hand, I’d like to believe that no self-respecting gay dude
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The Beer Can Popsicle! My stat counter tells me that 99.9% of you are lying on a lounge chair in your backyard preparing to put yourself in a deep Cool Whip, hot dog and sweet nectar-induced coma. No, that doesn’t mean that only members of the Spears family read my ass. That means it’s Memorial Day! If you’re like me, then you’ll spend your Memorial Day getting drunk on beer and sugar with your family on a grassy lawn in the crackhead park near your apartment. But sometimes holding a paper bag-wrapped beer can in one hand and a sugary popsicle in the other is HARD work. That’s why the beer can popsicle from Diablo Royale restaurant in NYC was invented! It’s beer and a popsicle in one so you just have to strain one hand. Or you can do what I do, lie face up and stick the beer can popsicle in your mouth and let it naturally melt down into your throat tunnel. That’s the American way!
via Urban Daddy
On the one hand, the difference between the domestic and international trailers for Prometheus is staggering: The former sells atmosphere and legacy while the latter sells both of those and story (and Charlize Theron, I guess). On the other hand, they have the most important component in common: They sell the hell out of Ridley Scott’s Alien throwback.
Can anyone wait? Me neither. This is how you do it, Hollywood.
[ENTV]
FOX and Ryan Murphy both felt the lukewarm, whiskey-scented, Parliament-infused wrath of White Oprah after GOOP’s character called her precious child “crazy” on an episode of Glee. White Oprah stumbled up to the front gate of FOX and nearly dropped the bottle of the Thunderbird in her hand as she vowed to destroy those hateful bitches for telling the truth about her meal ticket! Then White Oprah passed out on the steps and by the time one of FOX’s gardeners woke her up by leaf blowing her in the face, she forgot all about it! Or at least I thought she forgot all about it, because there was no lawsuit. But look at what we have here.
TVLine says that Lindsay Lohan is “in talks” to play Lindsay Lohan in one of the last episodes of the season. I’m going to guess that the only reason this is happening is because this is part of LiLo’s settlement deal with FOX, as well as White Oprah getting 7 minutes in heaven (for her, 7 minutes in the 9th circle for him) with Matthew Morrison’s nipple.
A source tells TVLine that LiLo will be a “celebrity” judge at Nationals. This shit hasn’t been confirmed, but FOX did confirm that Whoopi Goldberg is playing a drama school professor in several episodes.
The good news is that LiLo is playing a judge,
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Full Story »Or the, uh, “Wocka Wocka” fame: “Several Muppets were on hand to receive the star including Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Animal, Pepe, Sweetums, and Walter, the newest Muppet, who made his debut in Disney’s 2011 film,” reports a press release just over the transom at ML HQ. “The Muppets’ star is the 2,466th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and is located in front of the historic El Capitan Theatre.” Nice real estate! And nice timing — The Muppets is out on DVD and Blu-ray today. The honor comes 57 years after Kermit’s first TV appearance. No rush! And congrats to all.
[Photo: Getty Images]
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On the one hand, the guy who made The Elephant Man, Blue Velvet and Mulholland Drive is entitled to some kind of lifetime exemption to direct whatever he wants whenever he wants — Duran Duran concert videos, Dior commercials, debt-ceiling riffs, pop albums, whatever. On the other hand, David Lynch may as well be the art-house Donald Trump at this point, pursuer of nominal glories bordering on the fetishistic at best and the gratuitously stupid at worst.
Take this new coffee ad, for example — probably better than anything you’ll see on Super Bowl Sunday, but still an ad for a beverage branded by a master filmmaker turned hobbyist mythmaker. There’s nothing here you didn’t see 22 years ago in an episode of Twin Peaks; there is no other new Lynch cinema in any legitimate stage of development. Or maybe that’s just how it feels! Your mileage may vary.
Related: Here’s Lynch writing about his love for coffee, also old news. I am running out of things to give up on!
Full Story »The mysterious Ferris Bueller-themed Honda commercial that I was telling you about last week has been unveiled. On the one hand, it’s just Matthew Broderick and a string of references to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, with the actor calling out ill to work to go frolic around town in his Honda CR-V. So technically, no legacies were harmed in the making of this TV spot. On the other hand, for a guy who’s supposed to be having a day off, I don’t know if I’ve never seen Broderick work harder in my life.
Anyway, give it a try! It’s only 145 seconds, and will at least buy you a built-in bathroom break this coming Super Bowl Sunday.
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The earthquake in Haiti happened almost two years ago, but the news barely pricked through the bubble out of fame’s ass that surrounds Kim Kardoucheian when she needed something quick to cloud her image as a greedy scam artist pig whore with the morals of Satan’s pre-cum. Pimp Mama Kris went with Haiti, because it’s easy enough for Kim to pronounce and the chewed-up brain in her ass will explode out of her b-hole if she has to say a name that’s more than two syllables.
The National Enquirer said in their issue last week that just like Kim’s spirit animal Mother Teresa, she and Pimp Mama Kris stayed in a $1,000 a night presidential suite, traveled with personal photographers, wiped their hands with disinfectant jizz every time they shook a Haitian’s hand and walked in a local fashion show. Sounds about right. It also sounds about right that after each Haitian shook the hand of those she-devil heffas, they shoved their own hand into an open fire and then punched themselves with a flaming open fist for knowingly touching the claw of a demon.
But Kim is saying that The National Enquirer is spitting out lies. Pimp Mama Kris forced one of the Kuntrashian minions (you know that dumb bitch didn’t
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Either George Clooney is kissing Stacy Keibler’s hand or he’s making sure she thoroughly washed her hand after their fisting fiesta earlier – Lainey Gossip
This is what the inside of Elisabeth Hasselcrack’s head looks like – Towleroad
Sweet dreams are made of Cheetos! This is the most dancing I’ve seen Brit Brit do in centuries – The Superficial
George Clooney is looking extra gruff here – Hollywood Tuna
Connie Britton has a new baby boy named Yobi, and just so you know Latex Guy isn’t the father – Celebitchy
Chrissy Crocker looks like cold shit! – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Since Snooki’s got the lawyers out maybe she should also sue Xtina for stealing her look – IDLYITW
Cameron Diaz’s vagina has circled right back to Diddy – ICYDK
For those of you who need to feed your cum-on-glasses fetish – The Berry
Like a picture straight out of a funeral-themed prom – Popsugar
IT’S PAT! has never looked hotter - Just Jared
If roses had voices, they’d probably shout, “Tell this ho to stop suffocating us with her back!” – Popoholic
I see tongue! – OMG Blog
“And I told him to please put it right here...” - Crunk + Disorderly
Flipping out – Cityrag
Joe Jonas goes beard hunting – I’m Not Obsessed
If Heidi Klum isn’t wearing a Canadian tuxedo, is she wearing a Canadian prison jumpsuit then? – Hollywood Rag
Evil talking thumb is evil - The Daily What
