……and it’s going to star Zooey Deschanel as Loretta Lynn. I’ll wait here while you ask Siri, “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?“
At a show at the Grand Ole Opry in 1979, Loretta brought Sissy Spacek onstage and announced she handpicked Sissy to play her in the Coal Miner’s Daughter. Loretta did the same thing for Zooey at the Ryman Auditorium last night. According to Playbill, Loretta told the audience:
“It’s a long way from Butcher Holler to Broadway in New York City. I never imagined I’d see ‘Coal Miner’s Daughter’ on a movie screen, and now I can’t believe it’s going to be on a stage for people to see,” said Lynn. “I’m going to be right there in the front row. And I know Zooey is going to be great – she sings and writes her own songs just like I do, and we even have the same color eyes!”
The show has a star, a website and producers, but it doesn’t have writers or a director, so it might not even happen. Yeah, I’d rather Loretta Lynn play Loretta Lynn on Broadway (yes, she still can) than a come-to-life Holly Hobbie doll who is too damn lazy to look outside her window to see if it’s raining, but I don’t have any feelings either way about this. But mostly that’s because the only feeling I’m feeling right now is queasiness. It isn’t from this news, it’s from eating a multi-vitamin with my lunch. See, I try to do something healthy and my body rejects it! I bet this wouldn’t have happened if I ate a donut with my lunch. Fuck vitamins!
The reporters at UsWeekly gathered around the Four Loko cooler on Friday afternoon and brain farted about whether or not this week’s cover should be dedicated to Pippa Middleton’s ass throughout the months, or to a classic: the Brangelina wedding! Since it’s been way too long since a Brangeloonie slipped a tabloid cover into the Brangelina wedding book they hug and lick whenever the stresses of life turn their crazy up (aka when a Horrible Bosses commercial come on TV), UsWeekly decided to throw them a boner! A truthful boner, of course.
Who cares if Brad Pitt swore he’d never EVER marry St. Angie until he can legally marry her in every state after she gets a sex change (I might be paraphrasing). Who do you believe? Brad Pitt or USWeekly? Put on your Jennifer Aniston ears and then you’ll get your answer. Exactly. The quality that is “honesty” is stored in our brain’s sensitivity chip and we all know Brad doesn’t have any of those! From UsWeekly:
The “I do’s” could take place at their newly renovated Chateau Miraval in Correns, France (conveniently featuring a 16th-century chapel) — but don’t expect a lavish bash in the manner of Pitt’s $1 million nuptials in 2000 to Jennifer Aniston.
This super-couple’s wedding “would be intimate and informal,” one insider says of the pair.
But for real, though. I won’t believe it until I see Maddox wrestling with Jennifer Aniston outside of the chateau’s front gates after she finds out that he stole her favorite Holly Hobbie doll and was planning to pull out its yarn hair while sashaying down the aisle as Brangelina’s flower boy.
