If your genitals are too moist and you want to dry them up, just stare at this picture of Madge sucking the youth out of Baby Brahim - Celebslam
Strangely enough, I scream for a brain epidural every time Megan Fox starts talking - Lainey Gossip
So I guess I can cross “a picture of Anderson Cooper in assless meggings” off my Christmas list – Towleroad
The only person from Private Practice I want to see in a bikini is Benjamin Bratt, but I guess I’ll settle for Kate Walsh - Hollywood Tuna
Nicole Kidman didn’t piss on Zac Efron for nothing – Celebitchy
Amanda Seyfried buttchugged vodka in her dressing room at Letterman – The Superficial
…..and in the elves locker room in Santa’s Workshop, every elf just hung these pictures of Hayden Panatroll on the inside of their locker doors – Drunken Stepfather
27 pictures of hot pieces in kilts and not one wardrobe malfunction?! Please send them all to Anne Hathaway so she can show them how it’s done - The Berry
In a few months, a baby will get to say the words, “PEPAW DUBYA!” – ICYDK
In a “Who’s more interesting?” competition between MiserAlba and that cake box, the cake box wins – Popoholic
In case you’re wondering what’s the #1 song on iTunes
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That is supposedly Jennifer Aniston’s engagement ring and yes it’s tacky and ugly and huge in a “LOOK AT ME! Somebody is actually marrying my ass and here’s proof that’s so big that even blind people and aliens hovering above Earth can see!” kind of way. Or maybe the joke’s on Jen and that’s just a Ring Pop. – Lainey Gossip
Kristen Stewart finally speaks the truth about Kristen Stewart - The Superficial
One Million Moms need to get laid a million different ways – Towleroad
Nicole ScherMINGEr is always dressed like a slutty high school senior going to her spring formal – Hollywood Tuna
Not pictured: A herd of horses galloping toward Zahia Dehar to nom nom nom on the hay she’s trying to pass off as hair - Drunken Stepfather
The Clueless reunion needs more Julie Brown – The Berry
And then Bradley Cooper came back and gave Dita Von Teese a business card for the beard agency he uses. Bitch just needs to go through the correct channels, that’s all. – Celebitchy
Was it really necessary to make Emmy Rossum look like Annette Bening in Bugsy? – Just Jared
Jack Osbourne got his ass married – ICYDK
Olivier Martinez always looks like he’s stoned as hell and trying to solve
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Katy Perry and John Mayer’s true love romance ended after only 3 months of casual sexing, but at least she’ll always have the occasional outbreak to remember him by…. – Lainey Gossip
I’m going to assume that Kristen Dunst’s necklace is a special message for orthodontists – The Superficial
The Bow Wow doth protest too much – Towleroad
When England’s Finest Rose dresses up as She-Hulk, her chichis look like giant green Sixlets – Hollywood Tuna
Another reason why I can’t with LeAnn Rimes. Instead of taking yet another dumb bikini picture of herself, ho should be using that Falcor mouth to swallow the delicious open bar behind her – Drunken Stepfather
Happy Panty Creamer Fridays! – The Berry
Finally, a lezzie thriller starring The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and Regina George – Just Jared
Speaking of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Lenny Kravitz still dresses like her – I’m Not Obsessed
Things that are probably not true but I wish were: Jessica Lange and Sarah Paulson are bumping coochies – Celebitchy
So this is why alien sightings in Waikiki have jumped up by 100% – Popoholic
More like “Kristen Stewart is trying to find inner peace within her bong” – Hollywood Rag
Stephen Baldwin got arrested
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Katie Holmes did an interview with C Magazine just a day before she knocked the plug out of Tommy Girl’s butt by filing for divorce and she managed to get through it without screaming, “I’M ALMOST FREEEEEEEEEEEE!” – Lainey Gossip
This is the look: Jennifer Aniston as a Volvo-driving, sandwich crust-cutting, KMart-shopping, 50 Shades of Grey-reading mom – Celebitchy
The Carly Rae Jepsen beej tape that doesn’t really star Carly Rae Jepsen. I think. – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
David Beckham makes children cry, ladies swoon their nipples off, eyeballs pop out of sockets, etc…. – Towleroad
But the real story here is, how did Casper Smart’s toddler frog looking ass get into an adult store without getting carded? – The Superficial
I see someone was inspired by Courtney Stodden’s opulent arm bracelet – Hollywood Tuna
BREAKING: Lea Michele manages to pose in front of photographers without busting out a sexyface – Popoholic
Chris Evans must really want to get them zits popped proper – ICYDK
DO play this prank on your wife – Videogum
Boy George does Blahna Del Meh’s Video Games - Just Jared
Panty Creamers of the Day: Men in mantyhose - The Berry
“Ohshit, I have to fly commercial too?!” – Suri Cruise – Popsugar
I think I spot Latrice – OMG Blog
Correction to my previous statements: Stacey Dash CAN do wrong and she has with this mound of musical dingles - Crunk + Disorderly
How Jennifer Aniston spends her Sunday afternoons – Cityrag
Jon & Kate + 8 – Jon + Some Dude – I’m Not Obsessed
Hermione Granger might get tied up and slapped around – Hollywood Rag
You know you’ve guzzled down too much DayQuil when you mistake Aaron Sorkin for Robert Redford. Oh, and he’s obviously just dating Kristin Davis to get closer to Cynthia Nixon so he can get closer to Rojo Caliente. I see you, Sorkin! - Lainey Gossip
Shouldn’t Kylie Minogue have eaten Jell-O off of Joe Manjello’s prosthetic beer gut? – Towleroad
Excuse me while I slap myself right in the face with a chicken cutlet for mistaking Blahna Del Taco for Phoebe Price. It’s the DayQuil’s fault again. – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
This picture of Blohan tripping perfectly sums up everything about Liz & Dick - The Superficial
In other words, Johnny Depp wants to man slut it up – Celebitchy
The Montauk Monster lives in New Jersey! – Hollywood Tuna
Please tell me Color Me Badd is opening for them - OMG Blog
If it wasn’t for the sun not eating at her skin, I’d think Dakota Fanning was a vampire – Popoholic
Unless Johnny Depp used pirate magic to turn his peen into a poon, this is almost impossible – I’m Not Obsessed
Barfing rainbows – Cityrag
Emma Stone on Vogue – IDLYITW
How egotistical of Taylor Armstrong to wear a shirt with her own face
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Full Story »Looking at me like I’m a cupcake and he’s STAINS – The Daily What
But the only thing I want to know is whether or not Justin Timberlake is going to bring his denim suit of sophistication out of retirement for this special occasion? – Lainey Gossip
This Jeremy Renner public choking story sounds like the opening scene of a really awkward S&M gay porn – Towleroad
CoCo’s 9th and 10th planet ass once again tests the will of fabric – Hollywood Tuna
Rude asshole Dan Harmon is sorry for being a rude asshole – Celebitchy
Reason #1 (the only reason) to see Spider-Man: Spidey Peen Prints in IMAX – The Superficial
And this is why every fanboy’s mouse is extra sticky today – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
MiserAlba holding coffee: #3 in a series of five hundred million – Popoholic
This goes out to those of you who prefer your skinny twinks with an extra side of muscles - Just Jared
Claire Danes is a sales slut – Popsugar
This ass-to-ass is more terrifying than the ass-to-ass in Requiem for a Dream – ICYDK
Xtina isn’t wearing less makeup this week by choice. She’s doing it because Nicki Minaj buy up all the makeup. All of it. – Crunk + Disorderly
Does Google Translation have an English to Cheryl
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Katie Price launches her new line of swimwear for delicate flowers like herself who are looking for the perfect bathing suit to really bring out their skankiness. And I’m looking for a bottle of ketchup, because I’d really like to squirt some on Katie Price’s curly fries weave before I nibble on it. – Hollywood Rag
My ass skipped a fart for a second thinking Carol O’Neal was wearing scrunch bottom jeans – Lainey Gossip
Watch yourself, Jennifer Love Hewitt, because RPattz has the phrase “sparkly secret in my pants” trademarked - The Superficial
Fantasia’s relationship is about as messy as what’s going on in her crotch area – Celebitchy
Since Demi Moore is unavailable at the moment, somebody has to feed their ego by posting bikini pictures of themselves to get their Twitter followers to tell them how hot they are, and that somebody is Jaime Pressly - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Ewan McGregor likes it when you think about doing gay things to him – Towleroad
“Oh hi, Memaw White! It’s Michael K, your daughter’s child’s child’s child or something. Have you been getting all the cards I send you every holiday? Oh you haven’t? That’s too bad. Can I have some money?” - Jezebel
Even in gold satin, Whitney Port is still as boring as old baking soda –
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Does DJ Elegance here do retirement parties? Because my mom’s retirement party is coming up and I want to make it an extra classy affair to remember – Hollywood Tuna
Nate Naylor is a douche – Lainey Gossip
And iiiiiii-eeeeeeeee-iiiiiiii want LeAnn Rimes to stop doing this – Celebitchy
How do you say “awww” in Italian? – Towleroad
In possibly related news, Chris Brown has just put in an application to move into the Playboy Mansion – The Superficial
Kate Upton actually looks human when she’s not Photoshopped into an 80s porn anime character (I’m looking at you, SI) – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
I’ve typed Kate Upton’s name way too many times today, so I might as well go for the record: Here’s Kate Upton again! – Hollywood Rag
Adele plans to spend the next five years with peen, thankyouverymuch – ICYDK
Jessica Biel either has a herp sore on her hand or she doesn’t want us to see her stupid engagement ring – Popoholic
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? – Just Jared
What in Judy Jetson hell is Dakota Fanning wearing? – Popsugar
If I ever need a pimp, I want him to look exactly like Dwight – Crunk + Disorderly
Jessica Simpson totally sent this to herself today – Popsugar
And Casey Anthony totally sent this to herself today – Videogum
Taylor Swift’s new video looks like a sequel to Nell - I’m Not Obsessed
A herp derp buffet – Cityrag
The scary part is that this is what I sort of looked like in the 7th grade – SOW
The Photoshop Awards! Somebody put together this completely fake ass “Yup, I Love Dick” cover of People Magazine starring Taylor Lautner. Bitch please! Like Taylor Lautner would really approve a picture of him looking like he’s pushing out a stubborn shirt for his big gay coming out cover. – Buzzfeed
Duchess Catherine celebrates Jesus’ birthday by wearing a hat that looks like a sea of open vaginas – Lainey Gossip
Give your eyeballs a taste of Courteney Cox’s bikini situation like it was the first time – The Superficial
Stephanie Seymour’s like, “Damn, it ain’t the same without my son’s boner brushing against my thigh…” – Hollywood Tuna
Trans Flowers: They ain’t the one! - Towleroad
BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS! A fat bee just swallowed an entire Starbucks whole! – Popsugar
In case you didn’t already know, wet albino rats never look good in leather – Hollywood Rag
Buthisface alert! – Just Jared
Elegance alert! – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Greedy ass puppy alert! – Cityrag
Kobe Bryant’s dick is trying to beat Tiger Woods’ dick’s record – Celebitchy
Aunt Viv #1 is my hero – ICYDK
Looking at Mischa Barton’s chichis gives me a craving for microwaved pancakes – SOW
Attention
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Lady Gaga (the “lady” part is up for discussion) was spotted out in Paris shopping sans Underoos once again says Hollywood Rag. Bitch, put some pants on. That being said, I’m glad she’s helping the local economy and hopefully buying some stuff to cover that shit up while she’s at it. Come to think of it though, maybe she had lots of panties and they all put on their Nikes and drank the Kool-Aid to willingly go to the next level. I can’t say I blame them.
You know, I’m not a prude (more of a total ho really) but I have to say I’ll be glad when this no pants / leggings count as pants phase of our fashion history is over. My mama was always like “make sure you have clean underwear on!” meaning UNDER my clothes, so I just can’t with this trend. Why is it always the people you don’t want to see doing that shit that are doing that shit?? Charlize, baby, you are welcome to support the no pants phenomenon at your leisure. I’ll wait. People of WalMart, please sit the fuck down.
On another note, MTV.com says she and Justin Beiber are the front-runners for charitable celebs this year. So maybe she just donated all her lingerie to the needy? Gaga is a giver like that. Don’t mind that the crotchless panties all started out with crotches.
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