“Why is that dominatrix ice sculpture blinking?” asked hundreds of party guests at Calvin Klein’s Cannes party - Lainey Gossip
Oh how Ryan Seacrest wishes that the OTHER Hough was wearing this outfit instead – Hollywood Tuna
Pictures that have me wondering if I should maybe try to work out this weekend… But wait, fapping while eating a quesadilla at the same time is considered exercise, right? – The Berry
Like the Kane and Kim are going to even last that long - The Superficial
Those wolf brows make Sofia Vergara look like my Tio Jorge – Drunken Stepfather
The shit Detective La Toya will do for a check - Jezebel
I bet a Madge vs. Goopy cat fight looks like wax-covered two praying mantises playing a super aggressive game of patty cake – Celebitchy
George Michael got into another car crash and thankfully Snappy Snaps wasn’t involved this time around – Towleroad
Edward Furlong must love hanging out with cops – ICYDK
You just can’t take the Coachella out of Vanessa Hudgens - Popoholic
BUT IS PHOEBE PRICE OKAY?!!! – HuffPo
Keith Urban doesn’t want to let go of the millions of dollars FOX pays him to do nothing – Reality Tea
Rooney Mara looks like the ghost of Ichabond Crane in daytime drag – Popsugar
If only we all had elegant moves like this – OMG Blog
Amanda Bynes is totally going to Photoshop her crotch on Wheelchair Jimmy’s face - I’m Not Obsessed
Justin Bieber is still dressing like a rejected extra from House Party 2 – Just Jared
F/M/K time! I’d kill Charles Barkley, fuck The Rock and marry Shaq, because he’s the richest – SOW
James Franco’s in GQ Magazine showing off his black belt fisting skills. Teen Mom Farrah doesn’t know whether to close her legs or try to book James for the sequel to her porn – Lainey Gossip
Why is an inflatable green ball with a face trying to nibble on Heidi Klum’s tit? – Drunken Stepfather
When Denise Richards turned down Charlie Sheen’s stack of cash for taking care of twins he just shrugged and said, “More snatch and coke for me then!“ - Celebitchy
Either Emma Watson’s nipple is really long and skinny or she got a hamburger grease stain on her dress – The Superficial
Just Jack is on TV again - Towleroad
Porn Iguana or Snookitina or a little of both?- Hollywood Tuna
The morphing of Blair Waldorf and JLo was at the FOX Upfronts - Popoholic
Jimmy Choo wants Nicole Kidman’s feet - Just Jared
LuMann and Aviva might not be in the next season of Real Houseflies of New York City – Reality Tea
The look on Tori Spelling’s kids faces says it all - ICYDK
Douche parade and yes, I’d hit them all – The Berry
Vanessa Hudgens either has a herp sore or one of the paps blew a fart her way – IDLYITW
B. Coop wants a lot of balls on his head - Popsugar
Carrie Underwears isn’t ready to rent her womb out to a baby yet - I’m Not Obsessed
Oh…Brooke Mueller…. – HuffPo
Ling Woo > Sandra Bullock – Jezebel
$950 for a shot glass that looks like an oversized thimble from Monopoly? - Videogum
jeal·ous·y – an emotion I feel toward that plastic baby doll – Lainey Gossip
My ear drums haven’t yet recovered from being beaten up by Russell Crowe’s singing voice and now Hollywood is going to make sure that my ear drums stay bruised, because they want Channing Tatum to sing in the Guys & Dolls remake - The Berry
Marvel is so wrong for putting Quicksilver in an Avengers movie after Andy Rooney’s death, because he was the only one with brows glorious enough to play that role – The Superficial
What Michelle Rodriguez is trying to say is that she likes a butch chick who knows how to operate a strap-on – Celebitchy
RuPaul gets in bed with Joan Rivers – Towleroad
This isn’t a promo video for H&M. It’s private home videos of Beyonce having a regular day at the beach – Drunken Stepfather
The look IS Kate Hudson looking like a mob mistress/used car dealership secretary – Hollywood Tuna
Selena Gomez’s doing the bindi thing again… – Popoholic
I didn’t know Claire’s sold yellow glass rings – Reality Tea
Mischa Barton actually looks good in a “prairie time maid” sort of way – ICYDK
Ireland Baldwin is as good at dancing as Alec Baldwin is at not being
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Justin Bieber is trying to take Suze Orman’s place as the lesbian financial queen of our time – Lainey Gossip
In Teen Mom Farrah’s defense, she’s dumber than a factory-defected vibrator, so I doubt she came up with this porn plot on her own – The Superficial
Thinking about Jay Leno nailing Andy Cohen’s ass puts FLAMES FLAAAAMES FLAMES on the side of my face – Towleroad
Crispy Ronaldo’s full-time suntan oil holder poses with some man abs – Drunken Stepfather
The first picture is like Scientology’s answer to Stonehenge – The Berry
Kevin Bacon hates his own show and not because all of the serial killers are model hot and all of the FBI agents are really, really dumb – Celebitchy
Heather Locklear needs to donate a few strands of eyebrow hairs to her daughter – Hollywood Tuna
This dress would’ve been a zillion times hotter on Elvira – Popoholic
Instead of being mad at themselves for not trying to help their daughter, Amanda Bynes’ parents are mad at Kim Kartrashian – ICYDK
GINGER TODDLER ALERT! – Just Jared
Kendall Jenner’s dream in life is to be a Victoria’s Secret Angel – IDLYITW
I’d hit it until my parts fell off and even then I’d glue my
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This exquisite portrait of Khia in a Gators towel toga needs to be the University of Florida’s official seal – Crunk + Disorderly
James Franco uses over 300 words to say that he fingered himself all through Ryan Gosling’s new movie – Lainey Gossip
My favorite Republican ice sculpture is starring in a play about the Prop 8 trials in Phoenix – Towleroad
Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale do a really good job of hiding their faces from the paps – Drunken Stepfather
And Goopy Paltrow went on to say, “…but still don’t let that heffa anywhere near me, because if it burps in my direction I’ll gain 10 pounds” – The Superficial
James McAvoy is okay with your crotch fur, by the way – Celebitchy
So I’m still watching 90210, because I’m a ride or die bitch until the end, and there’s a character on there named Adriana. They call her AID for short, so when they say they’re going to her house, they’ll say something like, “Hey, let’s hang out at Aid’s house.” It makes me awkwardly laugh every time. Do the writers even realize? Anyway, here’s Aid in a bikini – Hollywood Tuna
Victoria Justice’s dress has a weird growth on it – Popoholic
My day was made as soon as I scrolled down to
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Princess Charlene of Monaco wore this for Pope Francis the Fist’s debut at The Vatican, but she probably wears this same outfit every day to mourn the death of her freedom – Lainey Gossip
Nobody put Gucci Mane and Kim Kardashian together or he’ll slip into a coma from stage 5 boredom – The Superficial
29 pictures that make me either want to spend the day fapping or spend the day using the ab roller that’s collecting dust in the corner – The Berry
Brangie’s child army can only speak French to her – Celebitchy
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin 2016! – Towleroad
…..and then the machine broke - Drunken Stepfather
IN THIS ECONOMY, it was very financially smart for Heather Graham to re-wear the dress she wore to junior prom in 1986 – Hollywood Tuna
I’ll finally get more servings of La Bruja, because The Real Housewives of Miami has started filming again – Reality Tea
Rose McGowan or Chrissy Crocker circa 2006 after a blowout? – Popoholic
If you like feeling emotions, here’s a story about Dax Shepard’s dying father meeting his unborn baby – ICYDK
Rebel Wilson might be in The Hunger Games…. – I’m Not Obsessed
Why you should never take “kill it with fire” literally – Gawker
And here’s Kelly Brook getting out of a car – IDLYITW
Um, being married to Daniel Day-Lewis is like fucking a different man every night, because he always takes work home with him – Videogum
Lindsay Lohan should’ve stolen a bra during her little “shopping” trip – Just Jared
Are Duchess Kate and the Cub Scouts making campfire churros? – Popsugar
Why Naomi Campbell is the new queen diva bitch of basic cable – Crunk + Disorderly
Duchess Kate and THE QUEEN visited the tube today and I’d like to think that THE QUEEN had to slap a trick down with her pocketbook after they wouldn’t give up their seat to her – Lainey Gossip
Daisy de la Whora still exists – Hollywood Tuna
I hope somebody gets Vincent Kartheiser and Alexis Bledel a working toilet for an engagement present – Celebitchy
There goes whatever was left of Michelle Shocked’s career – Towleroad
Beyonce is so graceful that this is how she queefs - Drunken Stepfather
Justin “Just For Me” Timberlake’s new music video is really, really long – The Berry
Stacy Keibler celebrates her contract renewal with George Clooney by working the hell out of her forehead vein at an Escada event in Berlin – Popoholic
Miley Cyrus really wants you to see that she’s wearing her hitchin’ ring again – ICYDK
Teen Mom Farrah can afford a new nose and new tits, but apparently she can’t afford to take a cab – Reality Tea
Maybe it’s because spring has sprung and I’m seriously hard up, but Snookitina’s bought-and-paid-for-piece is looking sort of hot - Just Jared
Splash was
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England’s finest rose Instagrams a picture of the world’s finest and classiest pair panties. Make sure to put on your coattails and white gloves before clicking - Drunken Stepfather
Jessica Biel needs to take off those net pants, turn around and put them in the FedEx truck behind her, because they need to go back to the year 1997 – Lainey Gossip
Since the perforated condom trick isn’t working, Jennifer Love Hewitt is going to freeze her eggs – The Superficial
I can almost hear the pained cries from that metal ring holding Tamara Eccelstone’s bikini top together – Hollywood Tuna
Benedict Cumsinbatches sings and sort of sounds like Morrissey with laryngitis – Celebitchy
Khloe Kardashian needs to stop scaring the Silver Fox like this – Towleroad
I really thought the first picture was of Jada Pinkett Smith – The Berry
The Photoshoppers at Brahma Beer are still doing weird things to Megan Fox’s already plastic face – Popoholic
What lezzies think of peens (sadly, they didn’t ask Rojo Caliente) – OMG Blog
Jordan Catalano basically went on the GOOP diet to lose 30 pounds – Just Jared
A KUWTK producer admits the obvious – IDLYITW
I think my sister has the same pink coat as Duchess Kate,
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Clint Eastwood’s 19-year-old daughter Francesca and 64-year-old Steven Tyler went to dinner together last night. Steven Tyler’s “confused orangutan” face best expresses my feelings about all of this. Well, at least Clint has someone to mumble words out with at Thanksgiving, because his empty chair is a shitty conversationalist. – Lainey Gossip
The gay son from Shameless came out as straight – Towleroad
And by “small wedding” Jennifer Aniston means that her only guests will be her dogs and her Beanie Babies – Celebitchy
Khloe Kardashian and Malin Akerman make a beautiful pair – Hollywood Tuna
Big Ang >>>>>>> all those other models – Drunken Stepfather
Brit Brit totally got caught shoplifting Hot Fries and Bonne Bell black eyeliner again – The Superficial
I hope Teen Mom Janelle is really in rehab to deal with her disturbing Ke$hit addiction – Reality Tea
Ashley Tisdale has never looked more beautiful. That bag mask suits her. – Popoholic
Ashley Olsen killed Oscar the Grouch, skinned him, relaxed his fur and wore it as a jacket – ICYDK
Yup, Kristen Bell’s got a baby in there – Just Jared
Panty Creamer of the Day: Shemar Moore Edition – SOW
Pretend it’s 1994 and scream at the news that Stone Temple Pilot
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The first Hunger Games: Catching Fire poster looks like a picture from an alien cult wedding (so basically, I’m saying it looks like a picture from a regular Scientology wedding ritual) – Just Jared
“Oh, so you met a boy in London? Don’t tell us his name, because he’s not going to last the week and remembering all these names is hard.” – Taylor Swift’s family – Lainey Gossip
Ashton Kutcher is moving Mila Kunis into his house, because he really misses that intimate moment you share with your live-in significant other when they catch you bareback boning some cocktail waitress on the dining table – The Superficial
Hollywood’s very own public pisser (not R. Kelly) pleads no contest to pissing in an airport and really wants you to know that he’s not on meth - omg! Yahoo
Methinks that Jennifer Lawrence was taking an open-eyed nap during this photo shoot – Drunken Stepfather
Pitbull mauled and dragged Lindsay Lohan’s ass in court - Celebitchy
Who cares about Katherine Webb! When are we going to get pictures of the real bombshell of Splash, Louie Anderson, doing the same poses? – Hollywood Tuna
Some fap material to get you through the weekend. I’ll turn out the lights on my way out. – The Berry
Oh, it’s just Neil Patrick
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