Afternoon Crumbs

"Why is that dominatrix ice sculpture blinking?" asked hundreds of party guests at Calvin Klein's Cannes party - Lainey Gossip

Oh how Ryan Seacrest wishes that the OTHER Hough was wearing this outfit instead - Hollywood Tuna

Pictures that have me wondering if I should maybe try to work out this weekend... But wait, fapping while eating a quesadilla at the same time is considered exercise, right? - The Berry  

Like the Kane and Kim are going to even last that long - The Superficial

Those wolf brows make Sofia Vergara look like my Tio Jorge - Drunken Stepfather

The shit Detective La Toya will do for a check - Jezebel

I bet a Madge vs. Goopy cat fight looks like wax-covered two praying mantises playing a super aggressive game of patty cake   - Celebitchy

George Michael got into another car crash and thankfully Snappy Snaps wasn't involved this time around - Towleroad

Edward Furlong must love hanging out with cops - ICYDK

You just can't take the Coachella out of Vanessa Hudgens - Popoholic

BUT IS PHOEBE PRICE OKAY?!!! - HuffPo

Keith Urban doesn't want to let go of the millions of dollars FOX pays him to do nothing - Reality Tea

Rooney Mara looks like the ghost of Ichabond Crane in daytime drag - Popsugar

If only we all had elegant moves like this - OMG Blog

Amanda Bynes is totally going to Photoshop her crotch on Wheelchair Jimmy's face - I'm Not Obsessed

Justin Bieber is still dressing like a rejected extra from House Party 2 - Just Jared

F/M/K time! I'd kill Charles Barkley, fuck The Rock and marry Shaq, because he's the richest - SOW

Afternoon Crumbs

James Franco's in GQ Magazine showing off his black belt fisting skills. Teen Mom Farrah doesn't know whether to close her legs or try to book James for the sequel to her porn - Lainey Gossip 

Why is an inflatable green ball with a face trying to nibble on Heidi Klum's tit? - Drunken Stepfather

When Denise Richards turned down Charlie Sheen's stack of cash for taking care of twins he just shrugged and said, "More snatch and coke for me then!" - Celebitchy

Either Emma Watson's nipple is really long and skinny or she got a hamburger grease stain on her dress - The Superficial 

Just Jack is on TV again - Towleroad

Porn Iguana or Snookitina or a little of both?- Hollywood Tuna

The morphing of Blair Waldorf and JLo was at the FOX Upfronts - Popoholic

Jimmy Choo wants Nicole Kidman's feet - Just Jared

LuMann and Aviva might not be in the next season of Real Houseflies of New York City - Reality Tea

The look on Tori Spelling's kids faces says it all - ICYDK

Douche parade and yes, I'd hit them all - The Berry 

Vanessa Hudgens either has a herp sore or one of the paps blew a fart her way - IDLYITW

B. Coop wants a lot of balls on his head - Popsugar

Carrie Underwears isn't ready to rent her womb out to a baby yet - I'm Not Obsessed

Oh...Brooke Mueller.... - HuffPo

Ling Woo > Sandra Bullock - Jezebel

$950 for a shot glass that looks like an oversized thimble from Monopoly?  - Videogum

Afternoon Crumbs

jeal·ous·y - an emotion I feel toward that plastic baby doll - Lainey Gossip

My ear drums haven't yet recovered from being beaten up by Russell Crowe's singing voice and now Hollywood is going to make sure that my ear drums stay bruised, because they want Channing Tatum to sing in the Guys & Dolls remake - The Berry 

Marvel is so wrong for putting Quicksilver in an Avengers movie after Andy Rooney's death, because he was the only one with brows glorious enough to play that role - The Superficial 

What Michelle Rodriguez is trying to say is that she likes a butch chick who knows how to operate a strap-on - Celebitchy

RuPaul gets in bed with Joan Rivers - Towleroad

This isn't a promo video for H&M. It's private home videos of Beyonce having a regular day at the beach - Drunken Stepfather

The look IS Kate Hudson looking like a mob mistress/used car dealership secretary - Hollywood Tuna 

Selena Gomez's doing the bindi thing again... - Popoholic

I didn't know Claire's sold yellow glass rings - Reality Tea 

Mischa Barton actually looks good in a "prairie time maid" sort of way - ICYDK

Ireland Baldwin is as good at dancing as Alec Baldwin is at not being a douche - IDLYITW

Well, aren't Elektra and Spider-Man arch rivals? - Just Jared

Chuck Bass is wearing the same outfit I wore to my first day of the 4th grade and it wasn't cute then and it really isn't cute now - Popsugar

Vanessa Minnillo is going to put the zzzzz in Ohio - Celebslam

My ears are the wettest in the building, because they're filled with barf - Crunk + Disorderly

The weirdest and most disturbing threesome I've seen in a while - SOW

"And the only boobs I'm interested in signing are the ones on Jesse Metcalfe!" said Tommy Girl - I'm Not Obsessed

Afternoon Crumbs

Justin Bieber is trying to take Suze Orman's place as the lesbian financial queen of our time - Lainey Gossip

In Teen Mom Farrah's defense, she's dumber than a factory-defected vibrator, so I doubt she came up with this porn plot on her own - The Superficial 

Thinking about Jay Leno nailing Andy Cohen's ass puts FLAMES FLAAAAMES FLAMES on the side of my face - Towleroad

Crispy Ronaldo's full-time suntan oil holder poses with some man abs - Drunken Stepfather

The first picture is like Scientology's answer to Stonehenge - The Berry 

Kevin Bacon hates his own show and not because all of the serial killers are model hot and all of the FBI agents are really, really dumb - Celebitchy

Heather Locklear needs to donate a few strands of eyebrow hairs to her daughter - Hollywood Tuna 

This dress would've been a zillion times hotter on Elvira - Popoholic

Instead of being mad at themselves for not trying to help their daughter, Amanda Bynes' parents are mad at Kim Kartrashian - ICYDK

GINGER TODDLER ALERT! - Just Jared

Kendall Jenner's dream in life is to be a Victoria's Secret Angel - IDLYITW

I'd hit it until my parts fell off and even then I'd glue my parts back on and hit it again - (NSFW) OMG Blog

"I am so jelly, you get to have so much fun now!" - Goopy Paltrow to a brown-haired Reese Witherspoon - Popsugar

The name Brittany Cole makes my brain queef up question marks, but one thing I do know is that she is a style goddess - Moe Jackson 

This GIF gave me the puckers - Crunk + Disorderly

Don't scroll while looking at this picture of Rosie Huntington-Whateverly's nipples or they'll cut your screen - Celebslam

The pile of dried up mashed cauliflower that is Whitney Port is already way too Coachella-ish for me - I'm Not Obsessed

Simon Cowell's make-up artist forgot to paint his tits - SOW

Afternoon Crumbs

This exquisite portrait of Khia in a Gators towel toga needs to be the University of Florida's official seal - Crunk + Disorderly

James Franco uses over 300 words to say that he fingered himself all through Ryan Gosling's new movie - Lainey Gossip

My favorite Republican ice sculpture is starring in a play about the Prop 8 trials in Phoenix - Towleroad

Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale do a really good job of hiding their faces from the paps - Drunken Stepfather

And Goopy Paltrow went on to say, "...but still don't let that heffa anywhere near me, because if it burps in my direction I'll gain 10 pounds" - The Superficial 

James McAvoy is okay with your crotch fur, by the way - Celebitchy

So I'm still watching 90210, because I'm a ride or die bitch until the end, and there's a character on there named Adriana. They call her AID for short, so when they say they're going to her house, they'll say something like, "Hey, let's hang out at Aid's house." It makes me awkwardly laugh every time. Do the writers even realize? Anyway, here's Aid in a bikini - Hollywood Tuna 

Victoria Justice's dress has a weird growth on it - Popoholic

My day was made as soon as I scrolled down to #6 and thought that a huge, fat burrito peen was flopping out of his pants - The Berry 

Kellan Lutz is playing Hercules, because there's only so many actors in Hollywood who have six-packs on their nipples and can bench press two Hummers at a time - ICYDK

What in exploding Jo-Ann's Fabrics hell are these people wearing? - Just Jared

Barbie SANS FARDS - SOW

Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz are going to be on Broadway together - Popsugar

The National Enquirer screams out GAY SEX HORROR like it's a bad thing - Boy Culture 

Does this mean we'll finally get a Noxeema Jackson biopic? - Videogum

This is what it looks like when Jessica Alba's butt munches on her bikini bottom - Moe Jackson 

Kim Cattrall has been a diet since 1974 - I'm Not Obsessed 

Afternoon Crumbs

Princess Charlene of Monaco wore this for Pope Francis the Fist's debut at The Vatican, but she probably wears this same outfit every day to mourn the death of her freedom - Lainey Gossip 

Nobody put Gucci Mane and Kim Kardashian together or he'll slip into a coma from stage 5 boredom - The Superficial 

29 pictures that make me either want to spend the day fapping or spend the day using the ab roller that's collecting dust in the corner - The Berry 

Brangie's child army can only speak French to her - Celebitchy

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin 2016! - Towleroad

.....and then the machine broke - Drunken Stepfather

IN THIS ECONOMY, it was very financially smart for Heather Graham to re-wear the dress she wore to junior prom in 1986 - Hollywood Tuna 

I'll finally get more servings of La Bruja, because The Real Housewives of Miami has started filming again - Reality Tea 

Rose McGowan or Chrissy Crocker circa 2006 after a blowout? - Popoholic

If you like feeling emotions, here's a story about Dax Shepard's dying father meeting his unborn baby - ICYDK

Rebel Wilson might be in The Hunger Games.... - I'm Not Obsessed

Why you should never take "kill it with fire" literally - Gawker

And here's Kelly Brook getting out of a car - IDLYITW

Um, being married to Daniel Day-Lewis is like fucking a different man every night, because he always takes work home with him - Videogum

Lindsay Lohan should've stolen a bra during her little "shopping" trip - Just Jared

Are Duchess Kate and the Cub Scouts making campfire churros? - Popsugar

Afternoon Crumbs

Why Naomi Campbell is the new queen diva bitch of basic cable - Crunk + Disorderly

Duchess Kate and THE QUEEN visited the tube today and I'd like to think that THE QUEEN had to slap a trick down with her pocketbook after they wouldn't give up their seat to her - Lainey Gossip 

Daisy de la Whora still exists - Hollywood Tuna 

I hope somebody gets Vincent Kartheiser and Alexis Bledel a working toilet for an engagement present - Celebitchy

There goes whatever was left of Michelle Shocked's career - Towleroad

Beyonce is so graceful that this is how she queefs - Drunken Stepfather 

Justin "Just For Me" Timberlake's new music video is really, really long - The Berry 

Stacy Keibler celebrates her contract renewal with George Clooney by working the hell out of her forehead vein at an Escada event in Berlin - Popoholic

Miley Cyrus really wants you to see that she's wearing her hitchin' ring again - ICYDK

Teen Mom Farrah can afford a new nose and new tits, but apparently she can't afford to take a cab - Reality Tea 

Maybe it's because spring has sprung and I'm seriously hard up, but Snookitina's bought-and-paid-for-piece is looking sort of hot - Just Jared

Splash was a MESS. Case in point: This made the cut and Rudy from The Cosby Show didn't - IDLYITW

I love the Rainbow House, but living in it means that you have to live across the street from Shirley Phelps - OMG Blog

Lindsey Vonn used to make fun of Tiger Woods - Celebslam

The girl in the middle is smiling to forget about all the fleas and lice that are jumping in her hair - Popsugar

Gerard Butler looks like he's about to give head to that nose piece - I'm Not Obsessed

Too $hort is still too dumb - Vibe

R.I.P. Harry Reems - SOW

Afternoon Crumbs

England's finest rose Instagrams a picture of the world's finest and classiest pair panties. Make sure to put on your coattails and white gloves before clicking  - Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Biel needs to take off those net pants, turn around and put them in the FedEx truck behind her, because they need to go back to the year 1997 - Lainey Gossip

Since the perforated condom trick isn't working, Jennifer Love Hewitt is going to freeze her eggs - The Superficial 

I can almost hear the pained cries from that metal ring holding Tamara Eccelstone's bikini top together - Hollywood Tuna 

Benedict Cumsinbatches sings and sort of sounds like Morrissey with laryngitis -  Celebitchy

Khloe Kardashian needs to stop scaring the Silver Fox like this - Towleroad

I really thought the first picture was of Jada Pinkett Smith - The Berry 

The Photoshoppers at Brahma Beer are still doing weird things to Megan Fox's already plastic face - Popoholic

What lezzies think of peens (sadly, they didn't ask Rojo Caliente) - OMG Blog

Jordan Catalano basically went on the GOOP diet to lose 30 pounds - Just Jared

A KUWTK producer admits the obvious - IDLYITW

I think my sister has the same pink coat as Duchess Kate, except my sister's coat is covered with cat fur, taco sauce and subway dust - Popsugar

These pictures from the G.I. Joe premiere would be so much better if The Rock wasn't wearing so many clothes - Moe Jackson 

MiserAlba is trying to be the next GOOP - Celebslam

Now if only a judge will rule that the Kardashians need to be pulled off this planet - Popbytes

But what I really want to know is what's happening to the right - I'm Not Obsessed

Afternoon Crumbs

Clint Eastwood's 19-year-old daughter Francesca and 64-year-old Steven Tyler went to dinner together last night. Steven Tyler's "confused orangutan" face best expresses my feelings about all of this. Well, at least Clint has someone to mumble words out with at Thanksgiving, because his empty chair is a shitty conversationalist. - Lainey Gossip 

The gay son from Shameless came out as straight - Towleroad

And by "small wedding" Jennifer Aniston means that her only guests will be her dogs and her Beanie Babies - Celebitchy

Khloe Kardashian and Malin Akerman make a beautiful pair - Hollywood Tuna  

Big Ang >>>>>>> all those other models - Drunken Stepfather

Brit Brit totally got caught shoplifting Hot Fries and Bonne Bell black eyeliner again - The Superficial 

I hope Teen Mom Janelle is really in rehab to deal with her disturbing Ke$hit addiction - Reality Tea

Ashley Tisdale has never looked more beautiful. That bag mask suits her. - Popoholic

Ashley Olsen killed Oscar the Grouch, skinned him, relaxed his fur and wore it as a jacket - ICYDK

Yup, Kristen Bell's got a baby in there - Just Jared

Panty Creamer of the Day: Shemar Moore Edition - SOW

Pretend it's 1994 and scream at the news that Stone Temple Pilot kicked Scott Weiland out of the band - Vulture

Remember when Janet Jackson's face still looked like it was made of natural materials? - OMG Blog

Elijah Wood loves therapy - The Berry 

American Horror Story cast Kathy Bates and if they cast Sharon Stone as her Diabolique character, season 3 will be everything - Jezebel

Vanessa Hudgens forgot to roll a little Sure on her crotch - Celebslam

I hope that lady is saying to PHG, "I am a huge fan of your butt cheeks!" - Popsugar

Hated it! - I'm Not Obsessed 

Fighting the hot: Jared Leto is by getting the most confusing traffic sign ever tattooed on his back - Videogum

(Pic via Pacific Coast News)

Afternoon Crumbs

The first Hunger Games: Catching Fire poster looks like a picture from an alien cult wedding (so basically, I'm saying it looks like a picture from a regular Scientology wedding ritual) - Just Jared

"Oh, so you met a boy in London? Don't tell us his name, because he's not going to last the week and remembering all these names is hard." - Taylor Swift's family - Lainey Gossip 

Ashton Kutcher is moving Mila Kunis into his house, because he really misses that intimate moment you share with your live-in significant other when they catch you bareback boning some cocktail waitress on the dining table - The Superficial 

Hollywood's very own public pisser (not R. Kelly) pleads no contest to pissing in an airport and really wants you to know that he's not on meth - omg! Yahoo

Methinks that Jennifer Lawrence was taking an open-eyed nap during this photo shoot - Drunken Stepfather

Pitbull mauled and dragged Lindsay Lohan's ass in court  - Celebitchy

Who cares about Katherine Webb! When are we going to get pictures of the real bombshell of Splash, Louie Anderson, doing the same poses? - Hollywood Tuna 

Some fap material to get you through the weekend. I'll turn out the lights on my way out. - The Berry 

Oh, it's just Neil Patrick Harris doing an impersonation of Snooki's cooka when it swallowed Vinnie's watermelon dick - Towleroad

Melissa Etheridge looks AWFUL! - ICYDK

Vanessa Hudgens' dress is very Venezuelan game show hostess circa 1989 - Popoholic

Some of the crap in the Oscar gift bag is the same crap you get for Christmas from the aunt who hates you - IDLYITW

And five seconds later, a tribe of cats tackled her to the floor and dragged her away - OMG Blog

Emmy Rossum looks like the ghost of a silent movie star - Go Fug Yourself

Well, there goes your dream of marrying the last unmarried Backstreet Boy - ONTD

Where is a flying beaver-eating hawk when you really need one? - Cityrag

You know it's Friday when you mistake Juliette Lewis for Phoebe Price - I'm Not Obsessed

RPattz is that guy at the party - Videogum

Woe is the Real Crazywives of NYC - Reality Tea

Tina Fey should just wear that blouse made of plastic flowers from Michael's every day, all day and she should be cool - The Frisky 

Judging by this fugged up outfit she's wearing, Kristen Stewart should probably update the prescription on her glasses - Popsugar