Afternoon Crumbs

A 13-year-old Cher in her mug shot or Adam from Girls? - Towleroad

Lea Michele at a hockey game, too bad she wasn't the puck  - Lainey Gossip

It's a good thing Paulina Gretzky can have some privacy time with her pool and a cameraman - Drunken Stepfather

Jenny McCarthy pulls a Jenny McCarthy by talking about tween boners - The Superficial

Hilary Duff looks like a chipmunk stuck in a red Solo Cup - Hollywood Tuna

Katy Perry's super religious dad called her a "devil child," which would make him Satan then, right? - Celebitchy

Alternate title: Celebs With Spandex Crotch - The Berry

Goopy Paltrow just threw a duck egg at her publicist's head, because every magazine on the planet is supposed to name her the world's sexiest, most beautiful human - Popoholic

Suri must've left her post at the front door for a second, because she let Katie Holmes out of the house SANS FARDS - Just Jared

The jar of Manic Panic is in your court, Kingston Rossdale - ICYDK

But more importantly, why is Keira Knightley dressed like a toddler?   - Popsugar

Posh Beckham let Harper the 7th borrow a pair of her jeans - I'm Not Obsessed

Lil Wayne blames his seizures on epilepsy, not Sizzurp, again - IDLYITW

Georgia Salpa does her best Kim Kartrashian impression, looks better than the actual Kim Kartrashian while doing so (although, that's not saying much) - Moe Jackson

The bad shit might've killed Chris "Mac Daddy" Kelly - HuffPo

The only masters degree Backdoor Teen Mom Farrah is pursuing is one in fame whoring - RealityTea

Theme park rides made of chewing tobacco and beer.... Welcome to Lindsay Lohan's Shangri-La! - Videogum

...but twerking is better than tweaking, so lets look at the positive side of this situation - Jezebel

Jenny McCarthy Sexted Her Dentist On Accident

The real story here is that her Christian Scientist-esque ass lets her kid see a dentist. They inject the novacaine. How has her vaccine hatred not launched an investigation here? Dental pain management methods might be causing children to end up like the kid in We Need To Talk About Kevin! That kid fucking sucked! Spoiler alert - he jerked off harder when he knew his mom was watching!

Or what if novacaine injections are making it so later on in life kids grow up to be the kind of drivers who cut bitches off across three lanes of traffic so they make their exit? Dicks. I'm surprised her kid isn't Captain Yuckmouth Jr.

Jenny McCarthy is currently whoring a television project, so she needs to offer up some amusing bon mots about what a hot n' fun mom she is. I see your eyes rolling like beautiful marbles!

(via Starpulse)

She explained, "It's horrific to remember. Evan woke up and said, 'There's this weird thing on my gum.' ...So I called the dentist and said, 'This is insane'. He said, 'Take a picture of it and send it to me.'

"So I'm taking a picture of it and I'm sending it to the dentist and I sent him a nude on accident (sic)! I swear to God! The dentist is, like, 80 years old. I literally screamed at the top of my lungs."

Unless her dentist is smoking pole, he probably loovvveeed it. She totally sexted on purpose. This bitch was so trying to cadge free dental care. Singled Out was a long-ass time ago.

You still have to work as a dentist in your 80s? People that age get dementia. You could end up with a toothless sucking anus maw when you wake up. Eff that.

Jenny McCarthy Better WATCH Her Child-Killin' Ass!

I kid, I kid! Despite having a website devoted to her which lists how many children have died due to lack of vaccinations, I know she didn't mean to lead people astray. She claims to have cured her son, and blames his autism on vaccines. The problem is that the famed medical expert (whose qualifications include having been the former "flirtatious boob shaker" on MTV's Singled Out) then wrote a book about it to share her wisdom. And then she went on Oprah. Oh dear. Cuz' no one was ever influenced by Oprah's show. Shit, I'm shocked this bitch didn't accidentally bring polio back to us.

And now she goes and gets with HOT PIECE OF CAVEMAN ASS CHICAGO CUB BRIAN URLACHER? Strike two, ho. Urlacher is one of my many dream husbands. Michael K. has Mah Boo, I have any dude in the "linebacker ass" category (you thought MK was slutty...). E! sez the two have been spotted out and about in Chicago, and her person confirmed they're dating.

"I'm outta fucks, here. Why is this a post?" Oh, it's not a post! It's a fucking warning! I've been gathering my resolve and the next time the Pats play the Cubs at Gilette, I'm storming the field and planting my face directly in Brian's sweaty ass. They're gonna need a Taser (or one of those Dunkin' Donuts limited time only Men In Black 3 star donuts with the brownie-batter filling) to draw me out!. And if I have to snatch at Jenny's cheap ass as I fly by, SO BE IT.

It won't last. Once Jenny finds out that his three kids from previous relationships have been vaccinated, she'll bounce. Those children have been tainted by life-saving science! Gross.

Correction: He actually plays for the Chicago Bears. That's football. Cubs is baseball. Look, sports isn't exactly my thing. I knew there was jockstraps involved and some sort of ursine animal. Shut up. I'd change it but then the comments pointing out what a fuck-up I am wouldn't make any sense. *sigh*

Birthday Sluts

Toni Collette (39)
Penn Badgley (25)
Bo Bice (36)
Aishwarya Rai (38)
Jenny McCarthy (39)
Tina Arena (44)
Sophie B. Hawkins (44)
Rick Allen (48)
Anthony Kiedis (49)
Charlie Kaufman (53)
Rachel Ticotin (53)
Lyle Lovett (54)
Beth Leavel (56)
David Foster (62)
Larry Flynt (69)
Marcia Wallace (69)

Work Those Vaccine-Free Titty Balls, Jenny McCarthy!

While Jim Carrey continues to dig an underground tunnel from his basement to the bottom of Emma Stone's dirty laundry hamper, his ex-piece and Autism activist Jenny McCarthy busted out a "chichi bags out, hip to the side pose" (you can learn about on page 16 in Bikini Photo-Op Posing for Dummies) while out with her new dude in Malibu yesterday.

Yes, Jenny's dude looks he screams "bada bing, baby!" when he's about to cum and his lube of choice is probably made by AXE, but his body has one of my favorite kind of man stomachs on it. You know, he has one of those sampler stomachs. If you want to knock your tongue against a half six-pack, he's got that for you. If you prefer your man guts the same way you prefer your Whoopee cushions (rubbery and bloated), then he's got that for you too. The best of both worlds.

And those of you hating bitches out there who are reading Jenny McCarthy's body its rights, you should know that she got that body from doing lots of yoga. Okay? Yeah, more like yogatthatbodyfromtheplasticsurgeonbitch.

Wenn.com