ICYMI: A Dragged Up Jimmy Fallon And Michelle Obama Do The "Evolution Of Mom Dancing"

While looking like a cross between a young Jill Zarin and a hotter Ashley Tisdale, Jimmy Fallon and Michelle Obama gave us the Evolution of Mom Dancing on his show last night. They pretty much covered them all, but they did forget the "gross your kids out while doing a drunken version of the 'I Touch Myself' dance" and the "overheated chicken on E caught in a tornado dance" (aka the Demi). Maybe they'll cover those movies in the sequel.

Lindsay Lohan And Jimmy Fallon Did This Together Last Night

Barbara Walters' arch rival Lindsay Lohan is continuing to pimp out Liz & Dick and last night she did so (sort of) on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Proving that she's way more tolerable when she doesn't speak, LiLo performed in Jimmy's "Let Us Play With Your Look" skit while looking like Janine from Ghostbusters after moving to the Village of the Damned. LiLo really has come a long way, because I can't believe she's got that much white stuff on her hands and she's not trying to snort, smoke or lick it. Bitch is practically brand new.

Speaking of brand new, I need brand new ear drums after mine got hit and over and over again with the high-pitched shaky musical notes shooting out of Jimmy Fallon's yodel hole. Jimmy is attacking my ears and he's stealing Peter Pan Dude's signature look while doing so. This entire skit is what scientists see when they look at two of LiLo's corroded coke boogers under a microscope.

In other Blohan news, Larry Thompson, the executive producer of Liz & Dick, talked to reporters about what it was like to work with the freckled terror of Hollywood.

"We had serious challenges to deal with due to her probation and her history. Therefore we had to make a deal where there were pages and pages of ‘what if' clauses. There never was a ‘what if she can act' clause. It was about, ‘What if there is a car accident? What if there is a violation of her probation [and she's] incarcerated?' Those ‘what ifs' were plenty. She might be the most insured actress who ever walked on a soundstage. We tried to insure ourselves against things that could and, in fact, did happen. I was financially at risk myself. It was a challenge.

Overall, my gosh, relative to the performance we got and the movie we were able to make because of her, the pain was worth the pleasure. And the audience is going to benefit from the risk we took and the reward that was gained. I know there are a lot of people out there who are naysayers. And I think they're gonna be shocked—and people who have believed in her, their belief is gonna be vindicated."

Yeah, I'm pretty Larry Thompson just came out as a kinky sadomasochist of the sickest kind.

Lindsay Lohan Begged Her Way Onto SNL

Lindsay Lohan's ongoing desperation tour through every show on NBC made a stop on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night and she told Jimmy that she got the SNL job by doing what her mommy taught her (no, not that, the other thing): beg beg beg a bitch until his only options are to give in or FedEx himself to North Korea to escape the begging. LiLo said that she called Lorne before cornering him in L.A. and since he was so tired of her Howdy Doody cheeks invading his nightmares and her threats of handjobs, he threw the crackie a bone.

Jimmy: How did it happen? Did Lorne call you or...

LiLo: Um. No, actually I was calling Lorne.

Jimmy: You called Lorne?

LiLo: Yeah, I was calling Lorne and I kept asking him, and not harassing him, but I wasn't giving up.

Jimmy: You were just like saying, "Can I host? Can I host?"

LiLo: Yeah, I was like, "Can I host? Can I host? Can we do something together?" And he was in L.A., and you know Lorne, he's very straight to the point and he's like, "What about March 3rd? Can you do March 3rd?" And I was like, "Oh yeah, I'm free. I'll make myself free." Because it's so much fun there.

We can sit here and laugh at the 55-year-old wig full of freckles and greasy desperation for being so devoted to the gospel according to pathetic, but guess who got the job, bitch?! If you were dignity-free and spent the early morning hours calling Lorne at home in between snorting lines of White Diamonds to get closer to Elizabeth Taylor, you too would be reading cue cards on SNL this weekend!

And here's Lindsay of Crackrabia leaving her hotel yesterday afternoon.

Open Post: Hosted By Michele Bachmann's Late Night Intro Song

Above is Michele Bachmann strolling onto the stage of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon as The Roots played a very special intro song for her. Below is the original song by Fishbone. This kind of low-down cuntified shade is just too perfect for words.

via Buzzfeed

Open Post: Hosted By Ryan Gosling's Dog George

I have a jacked up haircut, have been known to chew on my own toe nails, usually wear only one sock and start wagging when I see an apple (especially an apple like this) and I will never ever EVER ever be as cool as Ryan Gosling's dog George. This is one thing I learned from watching this clip of Ryan and George on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. The other thing I learned is that I want to crystallize Ryan's voice and sprinkle it on my poutine. (<--- If that sentence was a drag queen it's name would be Youffa Nizm.)

But really, we get it, Ryan! Your dog is the new definition of awesome. Your dog is basically calling the giant pubic landing strip on his body a "mohawk" and we agree with him. Your dog is setting new trends by wearing one sock. Your dog is the Cherie from Punky Brewster of dogs. Your dog is so special that I'm sure he shits apple cobbler. Okay, I'm not joking about that last one. Have you ever fed a dog an apple? I have, and even after Sunshine Cleaning came and did their best job, the pavement outside of my apartment building was never the same again.

What I'm really trying to say here is that I'm going to make my dog get plastic surgery to look just like Ryan Gosling's dog.