Seen here licking up the dollar signs that regularly blow out of Pimp Mama Kris’ ass at Ellen K’s Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony last week, Ryan Seacrest is moving out of his Hobbit cottage and into a gigantic ass estate that’s almost bigger than his home village of Hobbiton in the Shire. Both the Hollywood Reporter and TMZ say that Ryan is now the proud owner of Ellen Degeneres’ $49 million compound. It’s the estate that the Kuntrashians and American Idol bought!
TMZ is hearing that Ryan is paying only a couple million dollars below asking, but a different source tells THR that Joel McHale’s littlest arch rival is paying far from asking. It doesn’t matter if Ryan paid with a giant pot of gold or with an adorable leprechaun jig, he’s still calling three acres in Beverly Hills “home.” On the three acres is a 9,200-square-foot mansion, a 3-bedroom house, 2 guest houses and a pool that Ryan may drown in if he forgets to wear his water wings. Ellen bought the place in 2007 for $29 million and spent five years and several million dollars building the other properties on the estate. Ellen listed it a year ago for $60 million but later reduced that shit to $49 million. Real estate agent Kurt Rappaport worked out the deal for both
…
Full Story »
I don’t know if I want this story about Sarah Palin co-hosting Today on Tuesday to be a tardy-to-the-party April Fool’s joke or if I want it be a truth! I’m more than leaning toward the latter, because this could be foolery wrapped in magic wrapped in the spit that will fly out of my mouth while laughing at Joel McHale shading this on The Soup. They should just put Sarah Palin, Kathie Lee Gifford and a box of wine in a studio together and give us enough time to put on a yellow plastic poncho to protect us from all the fuckery that will fly through the screen. TRUE: I hope this comes!
via Mediabistro
…….Because The Hollywood Reporter says that NBC might have to order a specially-made booster seat to go on Matt Lauer’s chair. Their sources say that Ryan Gaycrest is considering leaving his American Idol job, his position as the fuckery master on E! and the familiar warmth of Simon Cowell’s furry tit pies to move to NYC to take over Matt’s spot on Today.
Several NBC executives and Today’s executive producer met with Gaycrest earlier this week to talk about filling Matt’s shoes (with the help of a few pairs of rolled socks) among other things. Matt hasn’t officially announced that he’s quitting that bitch, but NBC wants his replacement ready when he does. Matt’s contract is up in 2012 as is Gaycrest’s contract with E!.
The Today Show is basically a high(ish) brow E! News with weather reports and Ann Curry’s manufactured sympathy, so they might as well go all the way with this. Replace Ann with Giuliana Rancic, replace Natalie Morales with the Glam Fairy, replace Willard Scott with Snooki and replace the weather segments with reports on the Kardashians‘ (aka Gaycrest’s Frankenwhore monsters) fart patterns. As long as they don’t touch Kathie Lee Gifford and don’t force her to sober up, I’m in!
Joel McHale (40)
Cody Linley (22)
Jared Followill (25)
Dan Byrd (26)
Kimberley Walsh (30)
Nadine Velazquez (33)
Josh Turner (34)
Dominique Dawes (35)
Davey Havok (36)
Callie Thorne (42)
Mike D (46)
Sen Dog of Cypress Hill (46)
Ming-Na (48)
Sean Young (52)
Bo Derek (55)
Mark Gastineau (55)
Joe Walsh (65)
Joe Biden (69)
Norman Greenbaum (69)
Dick Smothers (71)
Richard Dawson (79)
Estelle Parsons (84)
Kaye Ballard (86)
In case you haven’t heard, the Oscars have entered a state of crisis — or a state of freedom, if you prefer. Now that Eddie Murphy is out as host of this year’s Academy Awards, let’s vent as quickly as we can and think of the single best option for a replacement emcee.
Let’s break our choices into categories. We need to make sure we cover all bases when addressing the importance of introducing the Best Sound Mixing category.
Dependable, obvious choices
5. Alec Baldwin
4. Stephen Colbert
3. Jon Stewart
2. Neil Patrick Harris
1. Tina Fey — It’s been years since a woman hosted, so why not invite the woman — the undisputed comic champ of primetime. It’s worth noting that Tina Fey gives the best award-show speeches on the planet. She deserves an entire ceremony in her honor.
Old-school charmers
5. Chevy Chase
4. Robin Williams
3. Steve Martin
2. David Letterman (You know you’d watch.)
1. Billy Crystal — The time has come for his reemergence. He was fabulous during last year’s Oscars when the audience wished James Franco would disappear alongside that Bob Hope hologram. We’re in dire need of Comic Relief!
Heretofore untapped thespians
5. Joel McHale
4. Tom Hanks
3. Meryl Streep
2. Robert Downey Jr.
1. Sandra Bullock — America’s sweetheart is an award-show dynamo, powering through self-deprecating jokes like a regular Rodney Dangerfield. She and Downey had wonderful chemistry during a podium moment at last year’s Oscars.
Nuttier options
5. Mr. Bean
4. Pee Wee Herman
3. Tyler Perry
2. The Muppets
1. Cloris Leachman and Betty…
If you’ve watched Glee and thought to yourself that it would be so much better with some of Jonathan Groff​’s bare dick in it, then this NSFW link is for you – OMG Blog
The mass panty creaming record might have been broken when Michael Assbender, Joel McHale and Ewan McGregor got on the stage together – Lainey Gossip
That’s not a baby in Katy Perry’s body. That’s where she keeps backstock of the whipped cream that shoots out of her nipples – The Superficial
It’s takes a lot of non-eating for Adriana Lima to get VS-ready – Celebitchy
RiRi likes humping yachts and touching air with her tongue - Hollywood Tuna
Cheryl Tweedy in InStyle – The Berry
But does Chelsea Handler still get a house discount at her ex-boyfriend’s hotels? – Just Jared
Tila Tecate is a boxer now – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
The time I felt sympathy for a cigarette – ICYDK
Michelle Williams looks like a bell – Popoholic
Five words: PUPPY FACE IN A BASKET! – Popsugar
WRC has gotten so much better ever since Fruit of the Loom became a main sponsor – The Daily What
What in the hell kind of GD dress is JLove wearing? – Moe Jackson
A PMF (pre-meth face) picture of Aaron Carter – SOW
16 dogs make 16 different “you in the morning” faces – Cityrag
CoCo always keeps it elegant - Hollywood Rag
TURTLE TIME! – I’m Not Obsessed
Turns out Frank Marshall’s mysterious Back to the Future tweets this week weren’t just for a cash-grab retro Nike tie-in shoe, but part of an entire operation created to raise money for the Parkinson’s research charity of Michael J. Fox, the film series star. As of 9:30pm PT Thursday, one hour into the 10-day auction of 150 pairs of the limited edition kicks — fully replicated from Marty McFly’s shoe closet and pimped out in futuristic detail — bids were already in the thousands for a single pair. Worth the money? Check out specs, photos, and more on the worthy cause.
The 2011 Nike MAG shoes in gray previously only existed in the year 2015 in the Back to the Future universe (and in your dreams, BTTF nerds). Between the MAGs and Kyle Reese’s Nike Vandals from The Terminator, the ’80s were rife with sneakers you wish you owned. So it’s nice that instead of simply re-releasing the BTTF shoes, Nike paired up with Fox to capitalize on sneaker freak culture and raise money for charity at the same time.
Among the shoes’ accoutrements, designed by Tinker Hatfield and Tiffany Beers, are “an electroluminescent outsole, space-age materials and a rechargeable internal battery good for 3,000 hours.” A certificate of authenticity designed like the DeLorean’s license plate comes with each pair.
(Left: Also, when the lights go off, the Nike MAGs look like this.)
The Nike auction website states that all net proceeds from the auction will go to the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research. In addition to a live auction event hosted last night in Los Angeles by Joel McHale, where a pair of MAGs were sold…
Full Story » 
“We just need a little adventure. […] A big year to do everything we never could,” explain the trio of lead characters in the trailer for David Frankel’s The Big Year. Because 365 days worth of adventure-seeking and ticking off bucket-list items will surely drive the crises right out of Steve Martin, Jack Black and Owen Wilson. And at the very least, that “big year” will give the comedic actors a reason to goof around on skis, forge meaningful bonds and, most likely, realize that the cure to their middle-aged woes have been in plain view the entire time. Or am I missing the plot entirely?
Apparently, I am. Because in spite of the trailer that pitches The Big Year as The Great Outdoors meets Planes, Trains & Automobiles meets Jack Black eating pretzels in his underwear, there is a narrative that exceeds three guys palling around in windbreakers. Specifically, The Big Year is about three men obsessed with birdwatching (Martin, Black and Wilson) who embark on a year-long challenge to find the most species of birds in North America. Understandably, 20th Century Fox buried that narrative deep, deep, deep in the trailer, but how will they manage to distract audiences from that plot come October? Regardless, outdoors man fun! A great cast (Anjelica Huston, Rashida Jones, Rosamund Pike, Dianne Wiest, Jim Parsons, Anthony Anderson and Joel McHale)! Steve Martin and Jack Black, together in a kayak at last!
Look for the Ben Stiller-produced Big Year in theaters October 14.
VERDICT: To paraphrase The Big Year’s tag line: Everyone is searching for something… but nobody is looking for a birdwatching buddy comedy.
Full Story »After Marvel’s widespread Captain America campaign this summer, you’ve grown accustomed to seeing Chris Evans as a musclebound, shield-toting superhero. But what happens when the actor is given a Bud Light, a flannel shirt and an impromptu lesson on women by the adorable Anna Faris? Watch this new clip from What’s Your Number? to find out.
What’s Your Number? — which co-stars Zachary Quinto, Andy Samberg, Martin Freeman, Chris Pratt, Anthony Mackie, Joel McHale and Thomas Lennon as Faris’s cavalcade of past love interests — premieres September 30. Can we just fast forward through August already?
Full Story »If you had to sit through Robert Rodriguez’s Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, there’s a good chance you will be forced to see the fourth installment of the Spy Kids franchise when it premieres August 19. Unfortunately for you, Sylvester Stallone will not be reprising his role as the unintentionally hilarious villain toymaker and even more unfortunately, not even Jessica Alba, Joel McHale, Ricky Gervais and the movie’s Aromascope feature will be able to save the latest Spy Kids movie All the Time in the World from kid-approved ridiculousness. At least, that’s what the latest trailer makes it seem like.
But then again, I am not the target audience for Spy Kids: All the Time in the World. So who am I to judge if Jessica Alba’s character thinks the best way to tell her kids that she is an undercover agent is by dumping them into a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit and revealing humorlessly, “Hello, children. I am a spy.” That’s her business! We can’t all be Pixar.
VERDICT: I’ll pass, but my nieces and nephews sadly won’t.
Head on over to Yahoo! Movies to see the All the Time in the World trailer in HD.
Full Story »
