Well, at least Kim Kartrashian isn’t the only one who Kanye covers in thirty layers of fuckery. Kanye does it to himself too. During his show at Revel in Atlantic City last night, Kanye West wore two Maison Martin Margiela masks: a rhinestone one that made him look like Liberace as a dom top and a feather one that made him look like Yeti sperm. I’m guessing that Khloe Kardashian wasn’t in the audience, because if she was, she would’ve charged the stage, tackled Kanye took the ground, sunk her teeth into the back of his neck and dragged him up into her lair in the hills to mate with him while the other Yetis howled around them.
Kanye’s rhinestone mask IS the look, but that feather mask is very “owl with a mullet wearing its communion suit” or “preacher eagle.” Below is a clip from Rolling Stone of Kanye performing while looking like a bunch of doves crashed into his face (homage to Fabio?) . Why isn’t anybody in the audience throwing bird seed at Kanye’s ass?
This is what it looks like when doves cum all over Kanye’s face. But seriously, I need to stop the hate. Seeing Kanye with a face full of feathers and a face full of rhinestones is much better than seeing Kanye’s bare face. So what I’m saying is that bitch has never looked hotter.
(Pics via Complex)
On part 1 of The X-Falcor (Freudian slip and it stays) finale last night, 13-year-old Carly Rose Sonicare (or however you spell her name) sang “How Do I Live?” (aka the song that Eddie Cibrian sings to the Black AMEX LeAnn gave him) with LeAnn Rimes and it must’ve taken all the will-power she had to not stop in the middle of the song to say, “Go home, Falcor, you’re drunk!“
LeAnn was a stumbling, wobbling, wailing disaster from start to finish and the only things missing from her act were a martini and a Parliament dangling out of her mouth. Bitch looked, acted and sounded like a pilled-up albino monkey getting shocked on electrical fence. America should give the frazzled broom the $5 million prize money, because bitch gave the performance of the night! This is Christmas and entertainment to me. Christmas IS some drunk mess paralyzing the children with fear by yodeling out a karaoke song. I just wish there was a Christmas tree in the background for LeAnn to fall on.
Sorry, Carly Rose Sonicare, you were just upstaged by one of the Wayans Brothers in his White Chicks drag.
Here’s some pictures from last night’s X-Factor show. In order: a Falcor doll made out of hay and white pantyhose, a constipated Brit Brit with Carly Rose, a drunken Ewok with JWoww, Demi Lovato and Khloe Kardashian giving us some Valley of the Chewbaccas glamour.
And you know it’s Velveeta grits flavored.
Here’s Our Forever Lady of Cheetos awkwardly posing like a first grader with explosive diarrhea on picture day at X-Factor’s Final Four party in Beverly Hills last night. You know, I’ve been watching X-Factor lately, because Demi Lovato’s ever-changing eyebrow game is hypnotizing and mostly because of all the herp derp faces that Brit Brit makes during judging. A blind and deaf sloth could give better critiques than Brit Brit does, but her derpy faces make up for it.
Brit Brit made some of those same derpy faces I’ve come to love at last night’s X-Factor party. Now you know what you look like when you’re in a crowded elevator and are trying hard to keep a loud fart from shooting out of your ass. You also now know what it looks like when somebody shouts “PIZZA HUT CAME OUT WITH A PERFUME!” within earshot of Brit Brit.
Here’s more of Brit Brit at last night’s X-Factor party with Simon Cowell, Demi Lovato and Khloe Kardashian (who looks like a Wookie Jacqueline Susann).
Kanye wants us all to believe that he just fabulously rolled out of bed, casually picked up a pair of leather pants from the pile of leather pants on his floor, casually picked up a fur coat from the pile of fur coats and then casually picked up a hoodie from his pile of hoodies. Yeah, no. It took 12 stylists, 6 private furriers, 3 cows imported from Italy, 2 pounds of Khloe Kardashian’s freshly shed ass fur and his own personal sweat shop to put this ensemble together. It takes a lot of work to look this glamorously ragged.
If Kanye was going for the “Upper East Side socialite who fell on hard times after her husband went to prison for embezzlement and had to pay off her Bergdorfs bill by collecting soda cans from garbage bins” look, then he nailed it!
My Pet Monster! Earlier this week, Adidas pulled their Jeremy Scott shackle sneakers, because some people looked at those fugly ass things and screamed “SLAVERY! RACISM! SOME KUNTA KINTE SHIT!” When I first looked at those vomit shoes, the word “slavery” didn’t hit my head at first, but I did see several layers of ugly and I prepared myself for the heaves I’d make while seeing stupid shits stroll around with those prisoners of fug sneakers on their feet (I’m talking to you, Justin Bieber). Jeremy Scott said that slavery didn’t even cross his mind while designing those sneakers. Jeremy says he was inspired by the Khloe Kardashian of 80s toys: My Pet Monster! To which I say, My Pet Monster deserves better than those ugly ass shoes.
My Pet Monster was a toy from the 80s and everything you see is basically everything you got. I didn’t have one, but a couple of my friends did and we used to take turns handcuffing each other with those orange cuffs. Then we’d beat on each other. I was kind of weird in a “50 Shades of Inappropriate” kind of way, but that was the 80s! There was also a direct-to-VHS movie and you don’t have to press play on the trailer to know that it was a mess.
Oh, the 80s, when a toy maker’s acid trips became reality….and later a direct-to-VHS shit show.
Miley Cyrus is either giving the paps a break from taking pictures of her face or she’s got a herp sore garden on her lips – ICYDK
RDJ’s herp derp face tells me that he’s got the farts – Lainey Gossip
The orgasm supercut can also double as the suffering a brain freeze while getting possessed by an alien supercut – Towleroad
Please, like GOOP does something as provincial as fucking. She just gets her servants to do it for her. – The Superficial
Kate Upton modeling A-Rod’s new Yankees uniform – Hollywood Tuna
Denise Richards looks like a plastic pug caught in the headlights – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Still hotter than Khloe Kardashian – Celebitchy
Junior Seau has passed away - The Big Lead
Panty Creamer of the Day: Parker Hurley – The Berry
You’ll never believe this shit, but professional bikini model Candice Swanepoel is in a bikini – Popoholic
Simon Cowell needs to stop leaking pages from his X-Factor fan fiction to the media – Popsugar
Slip these in your “RiRi bones strippers” blind items file – IDLYITW
Please tell me there’s going to be a smoke monster biopic – Videogum
Khloe Kardashian doesn’t believe in divorce, because if
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John Travolta isn’t wearing a wallet chain! John is not THAT tacky, thankyouverymuch. That’s just a leash for his butt plug so it doesn’t get lost up in there. – Lainey Gossip
Mila Kunis plays it right and will never admit to having sexual intercourse with that douche – The Superficial
Future Headine: Kris Jenner sues the producers of The Dictator for using footage from Khloe Kardashian’s birth – Towleroad
Sam MerLESS is now part owner of Brit Brit Spears – Celebitchy
What in the name of Solid Gold meets MC Hammer Hell is JLo wearing? – Hollywood Tuna
Christina Milian’s 1985 prom hair is causing me to suffer from hairspray inhalation – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
The ghost of Blake Lively’s future isn’t looking totally fugged up – Popoholic
What a beautiful Levitz showroom – The Berry
Should I make an uncalled for Jessica Simpson joke or do you want to do the honors? – ICYDK
Either Suri is really into that cupcake or she’s eating whatever is left of Katie’s soul with her eyes – Popsugar
RiRi’s gramps can’t believe he got out of his La-Z-Boy recliner to come to this shit – Crunk + Disorderly
I’m mad that when I clicked “get the look” it
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Full Story »Because iguanas only eat vegetables and the fear humans give off when they lick on the dried apricot-face of their creepy fake husband in public for attention, Courtney Stodden is a strict famewhoretarian and so naturally she’s teamed up with PETA for a PSA. PETA lost a waxed sloth bear, but they gained a lizard goddess!
As she brings new meaning to the definition of “youthful sophistication” with her rhinestone choker and animal-tested frosted pink lipstick from Big Lots, Courtney pushes vegetarianism and says that she’ll never eat a hamburger. (Bitch, stop, you know you’d bite into a cow’s tit if Carl’s Jr. paid you to do so.) PETA will literally take any trick off the stroll and throw her into one of their ads, so I get why they went with Courtney. But it wasn’t smart of them to show Courtney talking about animal cruelty while a tortured Bizarre is sitting there, wishing that a ticket to PETA’s headquarters would magically fall at his paws.
One good thing that has come out of Kim Kardashian getting flour bombed, besides Kim Kardashian getting flour bombed, is that her sister Khloe Kardashian is respecting the whore oath by sticking with Kim and killing her relationship with PETA. PETA is taking zero responsibility for Kim’s gross ass getting showered with flour, but they did back the flour bomber and say they would pay for her defense lawyers if it came to that. Khloe farted out a bunch of letters on her blog today and when you put them together she basically said that she can’t with PETA’S “bullying” (buzz word, buzz word) ways. This is the mess that Khloe splattered on her blog:
Hi dolls. I’m sure you all heard what happened to Kim last week (thank you SO much for the love and support you all showed her), and I just received word that the woman responsible has very close ties to PETA, despite PETA publicly stating otherwise. Not only has PETA lied to the public, but they have proved that they support this kind of behavior. I’ve been a vocal supporter of PETA for a long time but I have also been very vocal about anti-bullying, so this was a huge disappointment for me. As you all know, I don’t condone violence and bullying and what happened last Thursday was just that. I am absolutely disgusted by their
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