Time now once again for Lindsay Lohan: Shit Is Fucked. TMZ is reporting that LiLo was found unconscious this morning in her Marina Del Ray hotel room after one of her pink bag carriers couldn’t wake her ass up. Someone in her circle of mess phoned the medics not realizing that this is just what LiLo refers to as “Friday morning” and not a cause for alarm. Lohan’s pink bag of secrets was due for its weekend refill, and LiLo was just making a little room in it via her pill hole (aka her mouth) last night. Ain’t no thing!
The official (coke) party line is that she’s been working two days non-stop on her televised desecration of Liz Taylor’s memory, so she’s real tired.
The EMTs showed up, thought “this bitch…”, roused her ass, and left. Lohan wasn’t taken to the hospital and she’s already back on the set of Liz and Dick. Thinking Lohan had finally tapped out, Elizabeth Taylor’s ghost had ascended to a higher plane of existence. She is now reportedly back on set, furious over Lindsay surviving, and plotting to possess a Lifetime intern into putting a live cobra in the pink bag.
If all this bullshit is just Lindsay doing some DIY marketing for her Lifetime comedy, it’s pretty good. I would much rather read about her almost dying several times than take a cheesy online quiz to figure out which of the Army Wives I’m most like. Answer – Kim Delaney. I drink.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I enjoyed the Statham/De Niro/Owen assassin intrigue Killer Elite — more than most, it appears. But hoo boy, this new red-band opening-day trailer is misguided. At least two scenes here aren’t even in the movie, and the gratuitous female nudity is like… what? Anyway, I’m only posting it as a public service advisory letting you know this movie is better than this puerile, hard-rawkin’, NSFW garbage. Desperate marketing gone wrong — and your complete Friday Buzz Break — after the jump.
[via Trailer Addict]
· Kim Delaney has probably had better public-speaking appearances than her cut-off, slurry one last night honoring ex-U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates. [THR]
· “As an experiment, let’s exist in a universe where our generation of filmmakers is enough to fill out the movie canon. Let the film school prigs, art house snobs, and the better half of film critics publishing today slavishly catalog the classics and engage in numbing debates over who did it first and who did it better…” There’s a new movie column out there, if you think you can stand it. Hint: You can’t. [GQ]
· “At no time during the 2002 season did scrappy bat-boy ‘Tugs McGillicuddy’ deliver a game-winning grand slam while pinch-hitting for Eric Chavez, after the All-Star third baseman faked a hamstring pull to help his leukemia-afflicted young friend live out his Major League dream.” Indeed. Let Mark Lisanti walk you through the artistic liberties of Moneyball. [Grantland]
· The on-again, off-again Lone Ranger appears to be on again at Disney. [Deadline]
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