St. Angie’s fame whoring leg was almost like the one night stand of memes. We were all pretty much drunk to the fuck on Oscar night, so we dove onto Angie’s leg and did things we wouldn’t normally do like follow its Twitter and Photoshop it onto Meryl Streep’s split chicken. We went wild on that witch’s walking stick of a leg. Then when morning came, we were all grossed out by what we did and washed the shame away in a cold shower. Well, now it’s back to haunt us thanks to HuffPo. They asked the fame whoring leg’s owner what she thought about how most of the world NelsonHaha-ed at her trying so hard she nearly pulled her femur out. Angie has the humor a dried crotch berry and I think my b-hole has pushed out a laugh more than she has, so obviously she’s brushing that shit off as frivolousness:
“I honestly didn’t pay attention to it. You know what I mean? I don’t watch those TV shows and if I go online and see something about myself, I don’t click on it. And the people I surround myself with don’t really talk about that kind of stuff. [Laughs]. I heard something, but I didn’t pay any attention. It’s as simple as being a woman picking a dress you like
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Full Story »The champagne’s been tippled, the winners are all celebrating, and somewhere Uggie’s getting a LOT of sausages. So let’s relive the highlights of the 2012 Academy Awards show! Click through for Movieline’s gallery and name your favorite moment from the big night. Was it Best Supporting Actress Octavia Spencer’s emotional acceptance speech? Or Descendants co-scripter Jim Rash’s impromptu Angelina Jolie impersonation? Those bits and more in vivid photographic detail after the jump!
Click to launch the Oscars 2012 gallery.
Miss the show? Relive the best (and worst) of the 2012 Academy Awards in Movieline’s liveblog.
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We’re coming up on hour three of Whitney Houston’s “Going Home” memorial and I don’t know how my eyelids are still able to open after sitting through Kevin Costner talking for 35 million minutes about himself, himself, himself, himself, Jesus, himself, himself and how he himself put Whitney in The Bodyguard when nobody else wanted her in it. Oh, and he talked about himself and how Whitney is auditioning before God now (or something like that). The dozens of people taking a nap with their eyes open should’ve been the choir’s cue to sing Kevin off the stage, because DAMN. Dances with Woofs was shorter than Kevin’s speech.
Anyway, if Aretha Franklin was there, she would’ve knocked Kevin from the podium with her hip, but she pulled out from performing during Whitney’s funeral. Aretha’s leg muscles just wouldn’t let her be great. Aretha gave this statement to People a couple of hours before Whitney’s funeral today:
“Regretfully, I am so sorry that I was unable to be with you at Whitney’s service today. I had every intention of being there. But unfortunately I had terrible leg spasms and locked leg muscles until 4:00 a.m. this morning following my concert last night, which I’ve been having for the last few days.
I feel it necessary and very important to stay off my leg today as much as possible
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I’d say you had a good night if you came stumbling out of a club with scratches on your arm, blood running down your leg, a gut full of coke bloat, sweaty strands of hair in your face and your scattered emotions switching from “I LOVE ALL Y’ALL!” to “FUCK ALL Y’ALL!” in the blink of a side-eye. But when I see Whitney Houston stumbling out Kelly Price’s Grammy party looking like this, I don’t need to see any receipts before I shake my head while cursing Ray-J’s crooked dick for this. It seems as soon as Whit hopped on Ray-J’s crooked dick for a second time, she got struck with the crackhead fever again. My feelings about all of this are best expressed through the sea of endless side-eyes around Whitney.
I don’t know how I feel about it, but 2012 is turning out to be the year of leaky singers. No, I should think positive. Maybe that’s not blood on Whitney’s leg. Maybe that doody bubble finally popped. That’s a trail of relief running down her leg.
Justin Bieber and his daddy, the Canadian KFed, went to Shakey’s in L.A. yesterday and as he jumped onto the booster seat on the driver side of his Range Rover, he flashed the new Jesus tattoo on his leg. It’s nice and everything that the real Jesus is paying homage to the other Jesus with an ink portrait on his chicken leg, but it’s incomplete! Let me fix that for Justin:
Jesus’ eyes rolling up into Justin’s shorts was just screaming for that. I will fax this to the tattoo shop inside of the Kid Zone Play Center, so Justin’s artist is ready to go. I’m sure his legal guardians, Selena Gomez and Usher, have already signed a consent form so Justin doesn’t have to worry about that.
In this NSWFish video, a hillbilly cowboy goes for the Darwin Award and the wins the Dumb Bitch Award by losing a high noon showdown to a damn paper target! Yes, a bullet to the leg by your own hand hurts something bad, but a bullet full of dumb to the ego hurts even more. If paper target people could shit, that one would’ve left a serious shredded mess from laughing so hard at all of this.
via Gawker
The Land of the Rising Sun does not mess around. Joining his wife, boobsy chanteuse Katy Perry, on the Japanese leg of her world tour, Brand was taken into custody by local authorities and forcibly deported from Japan. So why the strong arm? Perry tweeted that “it was for priors from over 10 years ago,” but didn’t go into more detail than that. To be fair, Brand has been arrested more than 11 times in the past, so I’m sure Japan had quite the rich buffet to chose from. At least now Paul McCartney isn’t alone with his Japanese Outlaw status. [Us Weekly]
Here’s some tragic news that makes me want to throw on a pink marabou robe and slap cops up and down the street while shouting at the cloud islands above, “Hasn’t Zsa Zsa been through enough?!!!” Zsa Zsa Gabor’s rep confirms to Popeater that she waved away her doctors advice to amputate her OTHER leg. Just how many of Zsa Zsa’s legs do they fucking want?!
Zsa Zsa’s right leg was amputated in January because of an evil blood clot that wouldn’t quit being evil, and she was hospitalized on Wednesday when her left leg’s blood flow refused to cooperate. This is already after Zsa Zsa spent some time on a hospital bed because she caught a high fever and developed fluid in her lungs. Zsa Zsa is currently on medication, but doctors say she won’t survive another year if they don’t amputate her other leg.
Zsa Zsa would be as fabulous as Pedro Martell without legs, but she knows it’s time for her to sniff on champagne bubbles from a crystal flute instead of breathing in anesthesia over and over again. Before Zsa Zsa turns into crystal and drapes herself over the chandelier in heaven, she should spend her days with her diamonds and Alex Trebek.
(Image via Pacific Coast News)
And now you and horses have something in common, besides the whole “raising your leg whenever somebody comes behind you” thing. Mia Wasikowska, who stars as Jane Eyre in Jane Eyre, tells Movie Line about how her co-star Michael Fassbender caused dozens of horses to replace the Trace Cyrus poster in their stalls with the picture above. Their neeeeeigh is now calling Michael’s name.
Mia says that Michael’s crotch has the stuff that makes horses drop their fifth leg and dream of turning his cheeks into a feedbag, and she learned about this during rehearsals. The Reverse Equus presented by Mia Wasikowska:
“Michael had a very… huge effect on any horse he got on. There was a horse on the third day of filming [when] we were shooting the scene where Jane and Rochester meet, and every time Michael hopped on the horse it got a huge erection. And he’d get off and they’d run the poor thing around the block to try to make it go away, and he’d hop on it again and it would happen all over again, and they’d have to get him off and run it around.
It happened in rehearsals and then on the day of shooting. So it was great.”
It’s easy to laugh at this, but it could’ve ended with Michael getting an anal graft on a surgeon’s table. Michael’s horse could’ve had a “moment” mid-gallop and BOOM! Horse dick hitting the ground like an anchor! Michael would’ve flown over his horse’s head and landed ass up on the dirt. Michael’s ass in the air + a ready-to-party horse – lube = not a good scene.
via HuffPo
