Trey Songz has already written a song about fear — literally. His track “Don’t Be Scared” soothes a hot chick who’s afraid of her carnal desire for some sweet, sweet loving. Of course, calming a girl into bed is easier than calming a girl while you’re both running from a blood-lusted maniac. But Texas Chainsaw 3D director John Luessenhop knew Trey Songz could handle the challenge when he saw the thrice Grammy-nominated R&B singer float down from the ceiling during the BET Awards and seduce Solange Knowles and the crowd; the next day, Luessenhop called his agent and asked if he could send him the script for the horror sequel — if Songz could control a stage, maybe he could command a screen.
And so Trey Songz (AKA “Mr. Steal Yo Girl” as he calls himself in his club banger “Bottoms Up,” AKA Tremaine ‘Trey Songz’ Neverson) stumbled into his unlikely starring debut in a slasher flick playing the boyfriend of Leatherface’s cousin, a brunette goth named Heather (Alexandra Daddario). Will Songz’ fans still swoon over his six-pack abs when they’re slicked with blood? Maybe — although on YouTube, commenters are threatening to storm out of the theater if he doesn’t survive. (We won’t spoil anything, but, um, have they ever seen a horror movie before?)
Not only is Texas Chainsaw 3D a first for Songz, Songz is a first for the Texas Chainsaw series: Its first MTV fixture-turned-cast member, its first black star, and the first male love interest to cross the color lines. Plus, it’s the first time in film history where someone dies because a Trey Songz jam on the stereo muffles their screams. We ask Songz about breaking ground in Hollywood — and if R. Kelly should follow in his…
Full Story »You can have your Top 10 lists stuffed with cold and corny prestige pics and all those “respectable” “films” headed for Oscar gold, but when I think back on 2012 I remember the movies that wrapped themselves around my heart and brain like a warm blanket made of light and sound and kick-ass jammin’ electric guitars and made me feel excited to be alive, dammit!
(I can also pinpoint with a wistful pang the precise moment when Tyler Perry broke my heart. Still love you, TP.)
These are the films, big and small, ambitious and soulful, heart-rending and bone-crunching, about lovers, fighters, time-travelers, masters, closet-dwellers, hermaphrodite basketball players and friends (forever) that made my year at the movies. Join me in celebrating these magical movie moments and let’s hope 2013 delivers even more awesomeness.
10. Moonrise Kingdom
Look, I’m not a robot. Wes Anderson’s nostalgic dip into childhood love pitched its twee kid romance tent in my heart and has stayed there all through the summer, fall, and winter. “What kind of bird are YOU?”
9. Looper
That perfect song at the end of Rian Johnson’s contemplative pic about selflessness and love disguised as a sci-fi time travel movie kills me every time. Also (SEMI SPOILER) the Rainmaker shot of Garret Dillahunt at the end is one of the most perversely beautiful images I’ve seen all year.
8. The Final Member at Fantastic Fest
Three men share a penis obsession that anchors this deftly executed, wry and surprisingly poignant documentary — but the delicate, deep-fried veal testicle served up mid-movie by the demented folks at Fantastic Fest made for a truly inspired moviegoing experience.…
Happy Holidays!! That seems to be what’s going through Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s minds along with the rest of us. For those of you who don’t believe in true love or holiday spirit, feast your eyes upon these pics of a perfect couple leaving Kung Pao Bistro in WeHo and rejoice. It’s better than ham, or turkey, or Spam (side eyes MK in Hawaii) or whatever you’re serving up for holiday dinner.
Just look at them. Have you ever seen a couple more obviously in love?? Try not to hate on the fabulous time that they are surely reveling in, and just focus on the deep love they feel for each other and have hope that yes, though you’re not wearing a $20K bubble skirt mess and your bf doesn’t clown on you with every new outfit, you too can experience true love.
Since I’ve already hammered Courtney Stodden’s holiday greatness into your heads, I don’t feel bad for posting this. It’s almost a palate cleanser at this point. It’s the thinly sliced raw ginger root of the blogosphere.
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That’s also the face she makes when her Ex-Lax Smoothie kicks in. Can someone get LeAnn Rimes a chair, bench, curb, step, stoop, ottoman, horse statue, or patch of grass to sit down upon? This desperate bitch needs to have a seat! After scaring the stuffing out of that child that lost X-Factor (and then blaming her for it), drunk-ass laxative lady LeAnn spoke to Extra (again) about how her new ditty reluctantly references her and gigolo husband Eddie Cibrian having hurt each other in the past. “Borrowed” is about these dickheads falling in love on the set of a Lifetime movie and fucking over their spouses. A classic and dignified love story for the ages. Actually, Brandi Glanville (and LeAnn’s checking account) are the only ones who got fucked over. Falcor’s ex Dean Sheremet slipped into some buttless briefs and twerked it for the boys in celebration at the nearest gay bar. Shaved beard AND alimony? Werq!
“I actually was scared to put him in the song, because it does talk about how we both hurt each other,” she explained. “There was a moment where we did have some hurt between the two of us that we had to accept and get over and move forward.”
What could the hurt between them have been? Twitter finger fatigue? STDs colliding? LeAnn got her first post-Eddie AMEX bill? Eddie confessing his revulsion over how much pooping time she puts in?
As for that song title. “Borrowed” implies that you’re going to be giving it back. Considering the current situation, I wouldn’t lend this bitch any books you want to see again.
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Need something to help you get over the taste left by last weeks revelation that Charles Schulz was really bad at sending adulterous love letters to women half his age? Why not watch proof that the future for the neurotic, preternaturally mature children of Peanuts is as utterly bleak as you always pictured it would be!
Charlie is A Charlie Brown Christmas re-imagined as an episode of Louie, and just like Louis C.K.’s weekly ode to mediocrity, it features a middle-aged Charlie Brown returning to the old neighborhood for Christmas amid constant reminders of age and lack of accomplishment.
Well that was brill. I approve of Linus as a reclusive hoarder and Lucy as a bitter divorcee. Yeah, making Peppermint Patty and Marcie a lesbian couple is an old joke, but envisioning Schroeder as a Jake Shears-style house musician in a gay club more than makes up for it. Best of all, Charlie Brown finally tells Lucy off for her years of football-related bullying by taking the damn ball from her and kicking it, like a real bitter, middle-aged man would. Go team Chuck!
Now of course, you know what this means: all other Peanuts parodies are now moot. Please update your schedule accordingly.
[via ADHD]
