I didn’t think Brad Pitt could ever top this picture, or this picture, or this picture, or this picture and he still hasn’t, but this stunning portrait from his high school basketball days comes close. We know who was brushing his golden hair mane 100 times with a Helene Curtis brush in the locker room before every game. Brad’s secret defense move was probably knocking his rivals’ to the floor by flipping those luscious locks. Never mind that a Missouri public high school actually named their basketball team the “Rejects” (was the Fuck-Ups taken?) and never mind that Shiloh today can play a 14-year-old Brad Pitt in a biopic about the Rejects. The real story here is that Brad was obviously born to play the title role in The Curious Case of Ann Jillian.
And scoot a pixie dust skid mark over that picture because it is definitely Peter Pan Dude-approved!
So this is what Val Kilmer and his luscious locks were doing hanging with Kyle Gass and Jack Black, AKA Tenacious D. In the newly released video ‘To Be the Best,’ Black and Gass find their fates have gone in different directions following the failure of their film Tenacious D: In the Pick of Destiny and only Kilmer, Dave Grohl, and Josh Groban can help mental patient Gass and “Hollywood Jack” reunite (for their new album, in stores May 15). Also on hand? Tim Robbins. Why not?
The forthcoming Tenacious D album is entitled “Rize of the Fenix” and the lead single, “Rize of the Fenix,” starts out a little something like this:
“When The Pick of Destiny was released it was a bomb/And all the critics said that The D was done…but one thing no one thought about was The D will rize again, just like the fenix…”
So, yeah. Box office failure inspires creative rebirth! Or something. Let’s watch Kilmer eat it for Jack Black again.
[via Cinemablend]
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Scott McGillivray, master Canadian carpenter, basement apartment sorcerer and the host of HGTV’s Income Property!
On every episode of my new favorite form of HGTV heroin Income Property, Scott McGillivray goes into a part of a Canadian homeowner’s house and transforms it from the dark-sided decaying site of Satanic rituals where the concrete floor is still stained with the blood of Precious into the nicest Ikea showroom your ass ever did see! Every time I watch that shit, I feel like I’ve been transported back into the mid-90s since Scott looks like if one of the dudes from 98 Degrees was turned into a Disney cartoon prince and then turned back into a human. It’s that boy band hair.
When Scott massages his luscious locks with L.A. Looks (or since he’s Canadian, Winnipeg Looks) and blows it dry in front of one of the air conditioning vent (he built himself with just a fork, an old shopping cart and a dream) stand back and hold up your hands. That’s when miracles happen. That’s when Scott exorcises the gross out of your death basement of nightmares and turns it into a shiny brand new apartment you can rent out for $800 a month (just ignore the voices talking in tongues and the subtle scent of burnt goat bones).
If that cartoon spark twinkling off of Scott’s glistening white teeth in the picture above (I
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Here’s a quick update about this morning’s Hot Slut of the Day Ted Williams, the homeless man who won’t be homeless for long thanks to his radio perfect voice. Ted not only made his radio debut this morning, but he also appeared live on CBS’ Early Show where he showed off a new look. Gone are the long follicles that made him look like he was always riding in the back seat of a convertible speeding down PCH.
Ted could be standing in a windowless room without vents and still look like Kirstie Alley simultaneously queefed and farted his way. Not since Beyonce have I seen someone with that gift. But now it’s gone. I understand. The whole “out with the old” shit. Ted’s new hair makes him look like a mash-up of Tim Meadows and Obama, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Below is Ted’s interview with the Early Show this morning. Ted says that he’s on his way to NYC this afternoon to see his 92-year-old mom. Warning: this clip will make the warm emotion called “love” hitchhike towards the frozen tundra that is your heart. Don’t play if you want to stay cunty.
TDW also has a rundown of all the offers that have come Ted’s way since the Internet made him a star a hot second ago. The Cleveland Cavaliers offered him a full-time job and an entire house. The Ohio Credit Union League also gave Ted a $10,000 check in exchange for voice-over work.
You see, the Internet isn’t TOTALLY a cesspool that sucks souls and destroys lives. Every now and again it spits out something good.
Before a concert in Glendale, Arizona the other day, Justin Bieber was almost attacked by a mob of crazed girls, so naturally he escaped by jumping on a Segway and zooming upstream. You were wrong in thinking that The Lesbeaver only travels in a baby walker. They grow up so fast.
This is the thing, I get a cramp in my side and run out of breath when I change the channel too fast and I could probably catch Justin Bieber on his Segway. Either those girls barely learned how to walk 10 minutes before this or they just love running around while screeching like a hyena getting waxed.
Maybe they are running like the pavement is made of banana peels, because they have no idea what to do with Justin Bieber once they catch him. Braid his luscious locks? Entertain him with a rattle? Or just scream at him until his ears fall off. Definitely the latter.
via ONTD
