Britain’s Grain of Salt Daily (aka The Sun) says that supposedly Macaulay Culkin and supposedly sober-ish Pete “Dreamboat” Doherty have become best friends 4EVER and are now living together in one apartment in Paris. Hmmm…. So a former child star with a bank account full of gold bars is living in the same apartment as a legendary mess who, if he had all the money in the world, would fill a giant empty concrete pool with coke and snort his way through it all night? What could possibly go wrong?
A source tells The Sun that Macaulay and Dreamboat met through a mutual musician friend named Adam Green and the three of them worked on a “ketamine-inspired” movie called The Wrong Ferrari. After making that movie, Macaulay and Dreamy got a place together. Macaulay wants to be in Paris, because he’s done with acting and wants to be an artist type. The source said:
“Macaulay and Pete may seem an odd couple but they’ve got loads of interests and life experiences in common.
“They bonded over their love of poetry and art. Macaulay can’t get enough of listening to Pete waxing lyrical about his painting and music. He’s always been a fan of extreme characters like Pete. Look at the way he defends his childhood
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Last year, Macaulay Culkin was looking like a 75-year-old zombie version of Rickety Cricket from It’s Always Sunny and now here he is looking healthier in Paris last night. Macaulay and a hot, stached man friend hugged and kissed on each other while making cakes at the opening night of the 50th Foire du Trone. These pictures are several layers of what? I don’t really know what’s going on in these pictures, I don’t know why Macaulay’s man friend looks like he just inhaled a whole lot of dirty ass and I don’t know how I feel about Macaulay looking like a skinny Tyler Durden.
Oh whatever, I’d still hit it. Hell, I’d hit every single dude in every single one of these pictures, especially the dude in this picture who looks like a wonk-eyed komodo dragon that’s about to attack.
An artistic interpretation of a drop of water hitting Nicole Kidman’s frozen pool of a forehead – Towleroad
Demi Moore should just bone Macaulay Culkin and call it even – Lainey Gossip
Those are some doody poppin’ nails Kelly Osbourne has on – Drunken Stepfather
The look of scarred pain in that dog’s eyes tell me that one of Heather Clem’s sex tape co-stars was Linda Hogan - The Superficial
Meanwhile, I’ll be dining at Olive Garden this weekend – Celebitchy
Kate Upton put some clothes on for Vogue – Hollywood Tuna
Someone named Chris Messina has a peen and here it is – (NSFW) OMG Blog
Yes, Danny Huston still gets to hump on Olga Kurylenko - Popoholic
What Halle Berry meant to say about moving to France is: BECAUSE I WANT TO PUNISH THAT ASSHOLE GABRIEL AUBRY FOREVER AND EVER – ICYDK
Does this mean the next Bond movie will have a Bond Boy in it and his name will be Peeney Galore? – IDLYITW
MiserAlba being MiserAlba – Celebslam
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH HAHAHAHHAHA HAHAHAHHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHA HAHAHAHHA – Just Jared
Typing this will give me a snag tooth, but I have to say that Kiki Dunst looks good – The Berry
More pictures of the hobo vampires looking so excited about being back together -
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The only answer to the question “Who in the hell doesn’t serve cake at their wedding?” has sadly been answered. When Natalie Portman married that French dude who can tickle the air with his pointed feet, she had a strictly vegan menu, she wore an Italian toddler’s communion dress circa 1964 and instead of delicious cake, she served French macarons. Some whores go to weddings to see two hos unite their love in front of God or whatever, but I only go to weddings for the cake (even if the cake is a sheet cake from Sam’s Club) and for the open bar (even if the open bar is a plastic trash can full of ice bags and Coors).
People says that Natalie’s reputation as a snobby leaf-humper of the highest degree remains intact, because she used local wildflowers instead of having flowers flown in and didn’t serve anything that used to have a face on it to her 60 guests, which included Diane Sawyer, Mike Nichols, supposed heroin head Macaulay Culkin, Rashida Jones and Ivanka Trump. And again, she didn’t serve CAAAAAAAAAKE!
I can eat a wooden bowl full of dehydrated baby’s breath covered in kale foam as long as I know I’m getting some kind of delicious cake afterward. Yes, one can try to say that macarons are kind of like the French
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Mila Kunis let out a capital N-O over a week ago after the rumor started that she had an all-naked That ’70s Show reunion with Ashton Kutcher. Mila said the same shit you say when your friend accuses you of scooting your goods all over the town douche: We’re just friends! We just drink tea together. Well, People says that over the weekend, Mila and Ashton spent three days together in Carpinteria, CA. During the three days, they ate sushi, bought flowers and had coffee, so yeah they’re totally bumping nipples. Some source close to Ashton tells People that he has always farted hearts out of his eyes for Mila:
“He was so in love with her for a while when they worked together. He thought she was a goddess, was always talking about how beautiful she is. But she was with Macaulay [Culkin] for a lot of that time and also just generally gave off a not interested vibe. It never happened, but I’m not surprised by this – at all.”
Ashton Kutcher is a certified asshole, but he’s hot on the outside, so I totally understand that Mila wants to ride that shit until her poon lips fall off, but she needs to keep denying. Just deny, deny, deny away no matter what the
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STONED: Brad Pitt is, and I’m starting to think that “beard” around his face is actually silver haze marijuana - Just Jared
Maybe lady beater Michael Fassbender suffocates his bulge in jeggings – Lainey Gossip
Maybe lady beater Michael Fassbender makes his best “What me? A maybe lady beater?” pose in The Hollywood Reporter – Towleroad
Matt Damon’s bromance with Ben Affleck just got punched out by Thor’s mighty nipples – The Superficial
About three seconds in I got a quick tingle in the nips from thinking this was Macaulay Culkin in drag – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
W Magazine’s annual “Actors with Freshly Fucked Hair” spread – The Berry
That explains the lipstick – Celebitchy
The bigger story here is that Avril Lavigne is getting way too old for this “using LUV instead of love” shit – ICYDK
And the top of Adriana Lima’s dress was covered in red lipstick marks (aka Xtina skid marks) by the end of the night – Popoholic
Jessica Simpson looks like an exploding Rorschach test – Popsugar
Another one eats the curb – OMG Blog
Juliet just kicked Rebecca Black into Saturday – The Daily What
Megan Fox is a master of disguise – Hollywood Tuna
No, no, no, it’s more like the Taj Mahal visits Oprah - I’m Not Obsessed
Andre Leon Talley’s church shoes are taking me directly to the altar - Crunk + Disorderly
Somebody really should’ve told that Ferrari if that it rolled back it would’ve receive a thousand purple hearts – Hollywood Rag
Miley Cyrus is a stupid bitch, because lunch time lipo costs less than that – Celebslam
When crazy gets inked on crazy – Cityrag
Since I’m rational, Christmas puts me in the mood for nostalgia and cartoonish violence. Accordingly, I’m torqued to explore one of the sweetest and most carnage-laden celebrations of the yuletide, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Chris Columbus’s unthinkably successful box office hit ($173,585,516 in the U.S. alone) reunites us with Kevin McCallister, pits him against bumbling baddies Harry and Marv, and even trots out an extra Oscar-winner for our ironic amusement. Did I mention that it’s sometimes more violent than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Because I wouldn’t be lying about that. I also wouldn’t be lying when I say this is a totally stupid movie that should come standard with every American home.
Home Alone 2 is a simple story, but thank God, it’s still an implausible one: Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) objects to his family’s wish to spend Christmas in sunny, snow-free Florida, and they accidentally abandon him when boarding the plane. This is unusual, of course, because Kevin’s family accidentally abandoned him in a previous movie called Home Alone. Through an airport mishap, Kevin ends up on a plane to New York, where he decides to use his parents’ Visa at the Plaza Hotel and Duncan’s Toy Chest. The idiotic burglar duo known as the Wet Bandits, who tried murdering little Kevin in the first movie, run into him on the streets and engage in another dance of booby trap choreography with him. It’s senseless and garish and I’m feeling like Christmas already. Let’s pick the movie’s best five attributes and get down to unwrapping the Talkboy our moms bought for us.
5. Teach your lonely child to throw bricks at strangers.
I sincerely don’t know Harry (Joe Pesci) and Marv (Daniel Stern) manage to…
Dear AnnaLynne McCord and her furry friend, GET A DOGHOUSE!!! – Hollywood Tuna
If only they gave Oscars out for Best Delusional Mess in Real Life – Lainey Gossip
Macaulay Culkin and his new porn star piece need to bond over a pair of tweezers and brow scissors – The Superficial
I liked Lady GaGa’s new song more when Madonna sang it 20 years ago – Towleroad
Winona Ryder is suffocating her breasts (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
The Texting Fountain Lady has a history of scamming a ho out of a dollar – TDW
Tim Kang wears too many clothes - The Berry
A chola’s worst nightmare – NYC Barstool Sports
That tremor in Wichita, Kansas explained – Celebitchy
Brian Austin Green has bunny eyes – Popoholic
Aaaaaand here’s some Jon Hamm – Popsugar
“Working is hard!” – Jon Gosselin – ICYDK
Megan Fox’s ribs for Armani Underwear – Just Jared
Zeb Atlas shouldn’t quit his porn job anytime soon – OMG Blog
Gary Busey could floss his jumbo Chiclets with that dog leash – Celebslam
Who hasn’t bought weed from Snoop Dogg? – I’m Not Obsessed
Useless vs. useless – Popbytes
Ke$ha’s daddy calls her a liar – Hollywood Rag
I have no idea who Gemma Merna, but here’s her nipples anyway – Cityrag
Charlie Sheen just fell in love – SOW
(Image via Pacific Coast News)
For those of you out there who has always dreamed of Macaulay Culkin doing the Home Alone slap onto your ass cheeks before AAAAAAAHHHH-ing your butt hole, can take off your chonies and get comfortable because there’s a good chance that it will actually happen! Mila Kunis’ rep confirms to UsWeekly that she has plucked Macaulay Culkin out of that special place in her heart after 7 long years together. The seven year itch has claimed another! Or maybe Mila wanted one less name to memorize for her maybe Oscar acceptance speech.
You know, Mila and Macaulay weren’t the kind of LOOK AT OUR ASSES couple who yodeled their business into the pages of UsWeekly and kept the paps on speed dial, so I actually forgot that they were still a couple. And I guess they kept their split just as quiet, because a source says they actually ended things months before Mila started promoting Black Swan.
Natalie Portman’s engaged and has a tiny swanling growing in her womb, so now Mila Kunis has all the time in the world to obsessively stalk her and steal her man, baby and life! And in the tiny bathroom of his apartment, Macaulay is probably scratching at his shoulder bone while his creepy ass father asks him, “What happened to my sweet little giiiiiiiirl?!“
