If you drive by any random clinic in L.A. this morning, you’ll probably see Paula Abdul trying to break into one of those locked tin boxes in front of the door, because she needs a quick hit of something medically strong to strangle the feeling of rejection that took over her body after getting fired by Simon Cowell AGAIN! Deadline said last night that the producers of The X-Factor deported Steve Jones back to the UK, sent the defected Apollonia impersonator Nicole Scherzinger back to the Prince factory from which she came from and threw a Percocet into the forest so Paula Abdul could chase after it and get lost. Simon pink-slipped all three of them and is only keeping L.A. Reid as a judge for next season.
FOX confirmed last night that both Steve Jones and Nicole Shitsinger’s second season contracts were executed, but they haven’t said anything about Paula. TMZ is hearing that Paula heard from a lawyer close to the show that she was about to get the BITCH GOT FIRED card and Simon hasn’t called her yet to tell her the news. What a cold cunt Simon is. How could he not take the news, wrap it in ludes dough and then gently feed it to Paula? Simon could’ve at least shaved the words “you’re fired” into his furry tit
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This is what it looks like at the Lohan house right now: the medicine cabinets are bare, the mirrors are completely clean and the Svedka vodka truck did not show up for its daily delivery due to non-payment. That’s because White Oprah’s main ho is in “desperate financial shape” and is about to snort up her last dollar. So THAT’s why the ginger cokeyhead went to a few AA meeting this past weekend. FREE POWDERED DONUTS! Hey, if you hum the theme song to Scarface while snorting up powdered sugar, you can almost get your brain to believe. Almost.
Sources close to Blohan tell Radar that she doesn’t have a pot to barf in and the entire Lohan family is feeling it. The source says, “Lindsay is in serious trouble financially. Dina is struggling to make ends meet and pay Lindsay’s lawyers and this latest development doesn’t help things. Everyone thinks the Lohan family is so well-off, but if they knew the truth, it would be shocking. She’s in a tight spot, the family’s in a tight spot. It’s really a sad situation.”
It’s times like this that White Oprah wishes Craigslist had a “Buy a Bride” section, because it’s a bitch calling sheik after sheik to try to sell off The Curious Case of Ali Lohan at fire sale prices. White Oprah would rather sell her kids’ internal organs to cannibals than get a real job. But somebody should still tell her that Fudgie the Whale just posted a want ad this morning looking for a slave to suck the fudgie dingles out of his asshole. White Oprah is at the top of his list of candidates!
