As Tommy Girl ran down the Great Wall of China with glee, he wondered which way to the nearest glory hole - Lainey Gossip
Snoop Lion was practically the Mother Theresa of pimps (served in a bong made of sarcasm) – The Superficial
I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it, I’d hit it – The Berry
Julia Roberts hates her future brother-in-law – Celebitchy
Why does it look like Kylie Minogue is farting into Kylie Minogue’s hand? – Drunken Stepfather
Elisabeth Moss > everybody else – Towleroad
The Playmate of the Year is smiling her forehead vein off, because she’s happy that Hugh Hefner only makes blondes stand in the fuck line in his bedroom at the end of the night – Hollywood Tuna
….as Jill Zarin cackles while feeding jelly beans to Kelly Bensimon - Reality
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This might come as a shock to the zero of you who haven’t seen that video of Miley Cyrus letting out a chipmunk cackle after sucking down a bong full of salvia smoke or haven’t seen all the pictures of her swallowing a cloud of weed smog, but she likes to get high. Weed is to Miley as a Taco Party Pack for one is to Billy Ray Cyrus.
The trailer park Slytherin was hanging out with friends on her hotel balcony in Miami yesterday when the paps caught her smoking a blunt. Billy Ray would totally ground Miley for this, but then she’d probably take away the weekly allowance she pays him and then how would he buy his Taco Party Packs?!
But seriously, Miley’s close friends and family should really stop her before shit really gets out of hand. They need to stage an intervention right away. They need to gather around her and calmly tell her that she’s not only hurting those around her, but she’s also hurting herself when she puts her hair in a top pony-tail like that! Loved ones don’t let loved ones do themselves up like a derpy Bamm-Bamm Rubble.
That poor delicious blunt. It doesn’t deserve to be sucked on by a trick who looks like a white sumo wrestler on meth.
Why Naomi Campbell is the new queen diva bitch of basic cable – Crunk + Disorderly
Duchess Kate and THE QUEEN visited the tube today and I’d like to think that THE QUEEN had to slap a trick down with her pocketbook after they wouldn’t give up their seat to her – Lainey Gossip
Daisy de la Whora still exists – Hollywood Tuna
I hope somebody gets Vincent Kartheiser and Alexis Bledel a working toilet for an engagement present – Celebitchy
There goes whatever was left of Michelle Shocked’s career – Towleroad
Beyonce is so graceful that this is how she queefs - Drunken Stepfather
Justin “Just For Me” Timberlake’s new music video is really, really long – The Berry
Stacy Keibler celebrates her contract renewal with George Clooney by working the hell out of her forehead vein at an Escada event in Berlin – Popoholic
Miley Cyrus really wants you to see that she’s wearing her hitchin’ ring again – ICYDK
Teen Mom Farrah can afford a new nose and new tits, but apparently she can’t afford to take a cab – Reality Tea
Maybe it’s because spring has sprung and I’m seriously hard up, but Snookitina’s bought-and-paid-for-piece is looking sort of hot - Just Jared
Splash was
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The pristine pearl that is CoCo celebrates the day she rolled out of an oyster and she does so while a black straw tries to resist the urge to motoraboat her chichis – Hollywood Tuna
Your nana and Bradley Cooper have another thing in common. Not only do they both slobber all over Victor Garber, but they both maintain their beauty with the help of perm rods - Lainey Gossip
Well, if Mel Gibson ever starts a football team, this dude will be the captain – Towleroad
K-Wellfed’s FUPA can’t and won’t be tamed – The Superficial
Finally, picture proof that Jodie Marsh’s precious vagine is an infinite white light of holiness – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
GOOPY Paltrow almost died from having a miscarriage – Celebitchy
Vin Diesel’s twin looks a lot like Vin Diesel in Find Me Guilty and I can’t believe I still know that Find Me Guilty existed once – The Berry
Carnie Wilson has Bell’s palsy – ICYDK
Taylor Swift is either posing in a photo shoot or she’s jumping on a trampoline to look over the wall that surrounds Harry Styles’ house – Popoholic
Lil Wayne is alive, but he’s still in a bad way – IDLYITW
The Bad Girls Club All-Star season should take place
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The chipmunk Susan Powter tweeted today that Billy Ray Cyrus and her cousins aren’t driving toward Liam Hemsworth’s house with a nail-embedded 2X4 in hand, because she didn’t call off her wedding. Miley Cyrus twatted out the denial after Life & Style added more layers of escandalosoness (not really) to the rumor that Liam did her wrong by humping on Sienna Miller’s home wrecker protégé January Jones the night before the Oscars. A witness type tells Life & Style that after January and Liam got close at the Chateau Marmont, they went to a house party together where she got on him like her bull dozer vagina was ready to wreck some homes! The witness said this:
“They went to a private house party, and right in the middle of the party, January was clinging to Liam, saying, ‘You’re so handsome.’ He kept saying, ‘We can’t do this here.’ Then they left holding hands and went out in the hallway and were making out. She was wasted. It wasn’t good.”
A different source says that January is shameless when it comes to dudes and if your peen is taken, you move to the front of the line. So January could’ve gotten on Liam just to say that she can. MY SLUT HERO! But the other day,
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Miley Cyrus is sharpening her chipmunk teeth on a rock and Tish Cyrus is dipping her hooves in glue and glass, because they’re coming for Liam Hemsworth that dick-stealing ice cold hussy harlot January Jones!
Miley’s betrothed Liam Hemsworth went to a pre-Oscar party at Chateau Marmont on Saturday night and Star (via Radar) says that he was all over January Jones. Miley wasn’t with him at the time or we’d probably be reading about how January was seen running down the driveway of Chateau Marmont as a rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth chipmunk chased after her.
A witness type says that party guests were all clutching their Tampax pearls while watching Liam and January get close. They weren’t even trying to hide it and the witness said that they had some “hot chemistry.” The witness type went on to say that they were all over each other and even kissed lips at one point.
At the end of the night, January and Liam got into the back seat of the same car and drove away together.
There are a million explanations for this. Maybe Miley and Liam broke up? Maybe Miley and Liam have one of those open relationship and she lets him dip his tongue in frozen twats and he lets her dip her tongue in twats? Maybe January Jones is a serious environmentalist and insists on carpooling to save money on gas? Maybe this eyewitness type
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Lena Dunham’s on the cover of Rolling Stone looking like she’s licking the crusties off of her mouth after waking up from a 6 hour nap on the couch - ICYDK
Charlie Sheen’s Save A Ho Foundation gives another handout to Lindsay Lohan – Lainey Gossip
Elle Fanning’s New York Magazine spread gave me diabetes – The Berry
This explains why Jennifer Lawrence keeps tripping and clothes keep falling off of her body. It’s one of the side effects of getting humped by Michael Fassbender – The Superficial
The gay rumors are starting to put cracks in Hugh Jackman’s perfect life – Towleroad
Lady Gaga announces that she’s canceling a few shows due to an injury and she does it in the most Lady Gaga-iest way possible – Celebitchy
Why does Selena Gomez keep insisting on dressing like she just fell out of The Craft? – Hollywood Tuna
Miley Cyrus just keeps blowing air kisses a love at the paps – Drunken Stepfather
Lawyers hate Lindsay Lohan, part 4,983,567 – IDLYITW
You won’t believe what Hilary Duff did yesterday?! Yes, she walked to her car! How did you know? – Popoholic
If they ever do a reboot of Sex and the City, this is who should be cast – SOW
Justin Timberlake
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